To be annoyed I’m not in partners will????

[YourRealBiscuit]

Backstory
we’ve been together almost 14 years. We’ve got children. Not married. His house we have lived in. He’s 60 I’m 50.

Am I being unreasonable that I’m annoyed now he’s doing his will his intention is to leave everything to the kids?
We have a decade age gap and I can’t help wondering what would happen to me of he died before me?
he sees it as his stuff so he leaves to who he wants to but I think it’s a huge red flag coupled with the fact obviously he’s not popped the question too

feels to me like he doesn’t really see us as an US?

what do you think?

The only benefit to take from this really OP is that at least you know exactly where you stand now and that enables you to make a decision on where YOU want to go from here and what you want to/have to do to give yourself some financial security.

How awful @YourRealBiscuit

Did you ask him where you will live if he dies? How does he see this in reality?

I would feel really sad to be honest, money etc aside I’d be feeling like he didn’t really love me as he seems very cynical. I think a home is not too much to ask for. I think I’d be stashing every penny I could now to get my own property to rent out. All the best OP

Oh he’s still not going to die before me.
it’s just impossible to deal with that level of wanton ignorance coupled with his clear view of our future

I guess I’d kind of hoped things could take a turn now and I’d start putting money into the house, maybe he’d wind down at work and maybe I could pay bills for a while.

while all the time he had this up his sleeve

You might be surprised how a Solicitor could help. You definitely HAVE contributed to your joint life. It's not all about money. You have taken time out to have and mother his children so he could keep working. Your children have legal rights too and it may be your childrens' rights that help you to secure a home (potentially paid for wholly or partially by him) for you and your children. I expect you are feeling pretty raw just now. Try and gather the info by photographing Will and financial documents of his. And really think about seeing a decent Solicitor. You have nothing to lose by doing so.

lots of “so if I don’t leave you anything you want out”

Why do you think he said that over and over again? Do you think that underlying all this he is afraid that you will walk?

That, or is he pushing her away?

She doesn't need to waste money on a solicitor. She needs to keep all the money she has. Especially now she has pissed him off. Quitting work, raising children...none of that matters. She isn't married. His only financial responsibility is towards his children. They have a secure home. It is her who doesn't.

Don't jump to any action without thinking!
Take next steps after youve cooled off and considered all options

Unfortunately not. All of those things, her contributions to family life, her career taking back seat etc are ONLY relevant if they had been married, they aren’t. The only thing he would owe her if he walked away tomorrow would be child maintenance.

I don't agree. If it is his home, but he can't look after his children himself (which he hasn't done up til now), it may be probable if it comes to the nub, Court will rule children should stay with their mother at her partner's whole or partial expense for a home for them. I used to work in a bank and saw these situations playing out many times. Unfortunately, the males tended to seek good legal advice and trounce females who didn't, mainly because the women had less money and were fearful of spending on a good Solicitor. I am not a Solicitor but I have seen many times how people who get good Solicitors get a far better outcome than those who don't.

I think this - for whatever reason, this is his plan. Please see a solicitor OP.

If he was scared of that, treating me like this wouldn’t help the situation at all would it?I don’t think it’s that, he’s just stressing the fact that he thinks I’m grabbing

I agree

Yes, could be. But why would he push OP away? He has a nice set up if OP will accept his (non-)terms.

I know that you’d be hurt and unsure about this, and I completely understand. Fourteen years is a long time to spend together, and not being named in the will may be taking away from your partnership. Perhaps it’s time for an open conversation about both your futures' security and what you expect from the relationship. But of course, there’s nothing unreasonable about wanting some reassurance.

It sounds to me like he's wanting you to leave Op, so that you'll be the bad guy & not him. Could there be someone else?

@YouYourRealBiscuit I would be concerned that he is goading you to leave because he has someone else lined up, and is aware that throwing you out on the street with a few thousand in savings will make you look bad. Why can he not consider putting a clause in that will allow you to live in the house? It seems very clear he wants you out, sooner or later.

Get a copy of it now while you can. And any papers showing his earnings, your financial contributions etc

Do you know why he is so fixated on you being 'grabby'. Has he said things which indicate he thinks women in general are grabby?

He was 45 when you got together and presumably no kids of his own. Did he have a wife or girlfriend prior to meeting you? If so, why did they break up?

The solicitor will tell her she is exposed
here she could make a claim on his estate for reasonable provision but that’s an expensive and not guaranteed route. All she can do now is mirror his ruthless self centredness and hoard all the money she possibly can for own future. Probably this means splitting up and trying to buy her own property. Pushing forward at work. Stepping back from all house and childcare. He can do that now to enable her to earn. His turn.

Again, this is ONLY relevant if married. There is no court involvement here whatsoever, there’s no legal separation to be done at all. It’s very simple and clear cut. All he would ever owe OP is child maintenance.

Are you a Solicitor?

Cherchez la femme.

Reframe his 'grabby' shit.

So you think it's ok to leave the mother of his DC destitute?
He thinks it's OK that you sacrificed so many things to bring up your DC?
List all the people you know who died young and all the men who died before their partner.
Ask him to talk to married men and ask their thoughts on leaving you destitute.
Ask him to ask his solicitor how legally this puts you in a vulnerable position
Ask him how many men would knowingly do this to their wives / partners? Who would knowingly leave them destitute if they died before them?
Name men he respects and ask if they would do this to their wives / partners...........

God he is such a cunt