To be annoyed I’m not in partners will????

[YourRealBiscuit]

Backstory
we’ve been together almost 14 years. We’ve got children. Not married. His house we have lived in. He’s 60 I’m 50.

Am I being unreasonable that I’m annoyed now he’s doing his will his intention is to leave everything to the kids?
We have a decade age gap and I can’t help wondering what would happen to me of he died before me?
he sees it as his stuff so he leaves to who he wants to but I think it’s a huge red flag coupled with the fact obviously he’s not popped the question too

feels to me like he doesn’t really see us as an US?

what do you think?

Unfortunately DP has no way of knowing whether the house will be worth the same as his savings by the end of his life. He may need residential care for years which will eat up his savings and possibly part of the value of the house too. He may be forced to sell the house to buy somewhere smaller and easier to manage. He may get dementia and be unable to change the will to make it fairer as circumstances change.
It is invidious and divisive to share out the estate between his children in this random way. The only fair way is to leave half of everything to each of them.
Except that isn't fair at all - he should also leave something to you. It is appalling that he doesn't want to. Never mind whether he was better off than you when you got together; you've given birth to and brought up his children which must have affected your financial circumstances.

I looked! The will is in our filing cabinet with a note on it with the original appt struck out!

By leaving the house to his son, he is already showing he thinks males are more important. If you are able, I would split over this. I am fuming for you. What a vile attitude. Gaslighting you into thinking you’re unreasonable and not caring if you’re left homeless.

I think it was just expected. He has a career while at the time I just had a job.

OP, you write that you are finally earning a decent income after raising your children, but at the same time you have hardly any expenses at the moment. As bad as that sounds (and as long as your relationship isn't extremely bad and you don't have to flee), I would hold out and use my time to save. Put aside as much as you can, don't make waves, and say goodbye when you're ready, not when he decides it's time to break up. He's benefited from you for years, now you can do it - as long as you can tolerate the status quo for a while longer.

Right, so you must have been looking for something else in your (presumably joint) filing cabinet and came across the Will with original appointment noted and he's now told you a different appointment time when you've asked him about it? So he's not hiding this from you - so you can presumably have an open and honest conversation about it so you can fully understand why he isn't making provision for you. Good luck

I think your most pressing need is housing

Although it might be bad financial advice if you knew you could take your time but I would be sticking everything into getting as much money together for a house. Don’t forget that you might not get a 25 year mortgage so mortgage payments will be more. You can add to your pension once you have somewhere to live.

A tenant nowadays gets a years lease so if your partner kicks you out and the tenant is only 3 months into a years contract you could end up in rented yourself and whatever you might have made on your pension will be eaten away by the rent.
Also even if you are at the stage where the lease is up for renewal and you need to move into the place and are within your rights to give the tenant notice, if your tenant decides they won’t move it can take 6 months and a court case, bailiffs etc that need to be paid for to get them out and in that time they might not pay their rent so you could be in a position of having to pay your own rent and the mortgage on a house you can’t live in.

you are quoting things I haven’t said??

Pilliow was quoting another poster and I presume that was directed at them not you. Either that or someone is falling over themselves to prove a point

Pmsl at the “invest in your relationship” as it gives a better return.

So people who have an affair or dump their partner, it is because they don’t think the other party is trying hard enough or that they feel unloved. Maybe there is something in the phrase “My wife doesn’t understand me.”

OP,

Two things:

1 - you personally can take a life insurance policy out on his life - you don't have to be married. He will have to sign and consent, but it's your policy, payable to you on his death. Do that asap.

2 - your children are minors. Even if he did leave the home and money to them, there needs to be provision of who will manage that until they are 18, and as you are their mother whom they live with, it should be you.

update

so the talk didn’t go well
he says his stuff is his to do with as he pleases and it’s my own fault I came with nothing and don’t have anything.
i can’t tell him what to do he says

I lost my temper and he’s left but I guess I’ve got my answer about how he feels about me, us, our future (or lack of)

That is truly, truly horrible. You turned up as a young woman and gave him two healthy babies who you have brought up.
If my father had ever said that to my mother I would have disowned him.
That is a terrible lesson for your children, that people are measured by what they ‘bring’ and can be overlooked and discarded. Does his own father treat people this way?
I know you don’t have a huge amount in savings but at 50 you have many years to go. I would want out of that relationship.

Am sorry Op. It obviously is his money to do what he pleases with, it's just the expectation that he would want to support and provide for you.

I'm sorry, @YourRealBiscuit, you must be totally discombobulated by this. Did you manage to find out the reason he intends to change the Will from you being in it as well as the children, to you not being in it at all?
I'm sorry, I don't know what to say, it's easier said than done to pack up and leave when you're in a position like yours. It almost sounds as if that's what he wants you to do, but that he wants to keep your children with him and push you away from them completely.

Oh dear. I'm sorry this has happened. I was thinking he and his family might be worrying about Govt budget but I'm not sure that is the case now. Are you going to consult a Solicitor now? NB, if you are - get a good one, not a cheap one. If there are financial papers in the joint filing cabinet the Will was in, I'd take photos of his and the proposed Will while he is out but leave them because they are his and remove any of yours.

He said he didn’t realise I was in it, which I’m not sure if I believe, but either way he wants his estate to be left to our children and that’s just what he wants and it’s his stuff to decide upon.
lots of inference to me being “after”
something
lots of “so if I don’t leave you anything you want out” inferring that I’m a gold digger again and totally ignoring the fact of what it means about how he views our future

Sorry, that must have been grim for you. He treats you with a level of contempt which cannot be deserved. And yet you were good enough to bear and bring up his children.
What is next, OP? Will you start taking legal advice? Make a plan to move out?

I don’t know what a solicitor could possibly tell me? I haven’t contributed anything of value apart from home making and bringing up kids. I think the writing is on the wall with that and I’ve learnt the most expensive lesson of my life.

It doesn't sound to me as if you're a gold-digger, @YourRealBiscuit, it sounds as if you've had two children with a really unkind, selfish, man who doesn't treat you very well. I'm so sorry.

He's so disrespectful. I can't imagine being treated with such contempt by my husband. This is why I wince a little when so many women have children with men without being married. I'm so sorry OP, that he's being so unpleasant/nasty to you.

And everyone, I smushed the chocolate cake I made for the family. And the slice I’d cut for him. I squashed it in front of him in a rage.

What a horrible situation.

At the risk of sounding disrespectful or flippant, in the days of yore that man would have been given a deathly potion tonight, his imminent demise would mean the original will would stand.

Sorry....

Sorry Op. This does sound like he's up to something dodgy.

You’ve made me smile. I feel bad enough about the cake so a moorder (not sure if you can say the word here) would be just too much.

appreciate the sentiment though :)

Oh, this is not a good outcome. However, better that you know and are now able to go ahead a prepare for your future. You could have been none the wiser.

Well done for having what I’m sure was a really hard discussion. Now, plan B will need to be actioned to start to save and build your future. You can do this.