To be annoyed I’m not in partners will????

[YourRealBiscuit]

Backstory
we’ve been together almost 14 years. We’ve got children. Not married. His house we have lived in. He’s 60 I’m 50.

Am I being unreasonable that I’m annoyed now he’s doing his will his intention is to leave everything to the kids?
We have a decade age gap and I can’t help wondering what would happen to me of he died before me?
he sees it as his stuff so he leaves to who he wants to but I think it’s a huge red flag coupled with the fact obviously he’s not popped the question too

feels to me like he doesn’t really see us as an US?

what do you think?

My grandparent did the stupid ‘house to one child, everything else to the other’ thing. It was monumentally unfair and caused all sorts of problems down the line. They thought it would work out even. This was far from the reality.

It seems ridiculous and short sighted to blow up his family set up now, for what he wants his wishes to be after he’s dead. He doesn’t seem to be reasonable at all and deeply hurtful. I would concentrate now/tonight on the practicalities of who and how you would look after the children now while they are dependents if he died next week. Have a will that covers that till they are 18, and expect him to change the will again at that point.

In your position I’d insist on saving all your salary to savings and pension to make up for your missed years and not contribute to living expenses. If you are being cut out of the will, you will cut yourself out of bills and expenses.

It’s in his best interest to have you living with the children, I don’t see why he would want you to want to leave. How’s the rest of the relationship?

the capital deprivation wouldn’t count in this case as it wasn’t OP’s to begin with. She is also not his spouse and therefore spousal exemption would again not apply in this circumstance which is why I wouldn’t whether he had done it so there was 2 lots of inheritance tax to pay. Once when it went to her and then again to the children.

i have worked in finance for 20years and while don’t specifically deal with this I have some knowledge.

Yes I am just wondering if this is where his thought process has gone and he has presumed that the children wouldn’t kick their mother out the house

Whose idea was it that you would give up your work to look after the dcs when they were little?

How do you work that out?

When his dad comes to dinner, don't do any of the shopping/cooking/serving/clearing up. Leave it all to your 'not so dear' partner.

Does this sound like something that his dad has put into his head because your in laws don't want any of the inheritance that they will leave to your DP to end up with you?

I didn't like the sound of your DP before Op, now I absolutely don't. He's being a git, cutting you out of his will just as the DC start to hit their teens, there's more to this than meets the eye Op, I would bet money on it

I don’t see why he would want you to want to leave.

Especially considering he will have factored her in as his nurse should he have a stroke or the like.
You just know this is the guy who would leave you a “Dear John” letter for the day you come back from your first Chemo session.

I believe the main point people are making is that succession law in Scotland is different from England&Wales.

Yes. Plus you can be asked to sign away your legal rights, but you don't have to.

The disparity in assets would - at least in part - be explained by the 10 yr age gap.

And the fact that she took x number of years out of the workforce to bring up their children

I hope you see this message @YourRealBiscuit. I wouldn't leave him as others advice. If your relationship is OK otherwise, stay living with him. As you mentioned before, save hard. Once you have money for deposit, buy a (modest) house in your name only. You should be entitled to some mitigated costs (and perhaps savings top ups) as you will be a first time buyer. Then if you sti want to live with him, rent out the house. The rent should cover the mortgage. It will be your safety net.

@TheRealBiscuit If you have been living with a partner for two years or more, you can go to court if your partner dies, to receive provision. Your partner has chosen not to give you the legal right to remain in the house when he dies, he would presumably prefer you to get out. If you told him that when he dies, you will go to court to get the right to remain, would he be furious? Perhaps he very much means for you to buy a place now to move into, so his children can sell or whatever. I can only imagine he wishes for no financial or legal ties with you at any point.

Wow what a sorry situation. 50 is very late to start trying to find financial independence. £6k isn't going to get you very far is it. He has also profited from you going part time and doing childcare and you won't see a penny of that. Very foolish. This is what marriage is for.

even a 'bad' solicitor will do this! It's a basic tenet

Yes , we only have one side of this

My sister in law lived with her partner for 46 years,he left his estate over a million to his daughter from his first marriage and left her completely penniless,no words really.

Err isnt that the same for every single thread on here.

People's normals are different.

His friends and family could have convinced him this is the best way.

I know someone who claimed the house belonged to his parents, except it was his.
When the partner found out, she stayed but had it done up so if he died first, she could stay till her death.

But as others have said, this could still be changed behind her back.

No, occasionally the person whose ears should be burning claims they've found the thread.

Good times

This is your hill to die on @YourRealBiscuit

I do know couples with DC who don't get married on principle but have all the legal sorted should one of them die unexpectedly. And people do die all the time, unfortunately. Why does your DP think he's so special?

You are in such a precarious situation OP. You need to spell it out to him what would happen to you if he died. He sounds like a complete stupid prick.

Why don't you propose a civil partnership?

"we shall be divorced before"

"I told him to be careful'

"Our relationship will end sooner or later and likely sooner rather than later"

"I'm not too bothered"

"I have enough assets"

"access to his generous pension"

You quite obviously are sidelining him and have been doung so for so long to create the situation. Your savings and assets, this screams runaway money, not invested in the relationship and only there for what you can get his pension

Invest in your relationship, you'll find that gives the happiest and best return over time