To be annoyed I’m not in partners will????

[YourRealBiscuit]

Backstory
we’ve been together almost 14 years. We’ve got children. Not married. His house we have lived in. He’s 60 I’m 50.

Am I being unreasonable that I’m annoyed now he’s doing his will his intention is to leave everything to the kids?
We have a decade age gap and I can’t help wondering what would happen to me of he died before me?
he sees it as his stuff so he leaves to who he wants to but I think it’s a huge red flag coupled with the fact obviously he’s not popped the question too

feels to me like he doesn’t really see us as an US?

what do you think?

Do you jointly own the property or is it solely in his name ?

Look up the legal difference between married & single people

It's his house. No mortgage. OP isn't on the deeds and could be kicked out tomorrow if he so fancied.

OP’s fourth post.

house is all his owned outright.

The other posts (18 pages worth) are all about the legal differences between married and single people.

If he’s now changing the will to remove you then I’d be waiting for him to ask you to leave & end the relationship to be totally honest OP. There’s only one reason you “randomly” change your will to remove someone and that’s if you’ve decide they are being removed from your life as well.

You say you live in his house, do you have no stake in it at all?

I think you should have half of the house, at least but preferably with a share of his money. Fourteen years together, and having children, must count for something.

Unless of course you are independently wealthy, have a good career and pension set-up, etc.

She's not married! She's entitled to absolutely nothing.

The whole point of the thread is that the 2 parties aren't married and therefore the OP has no rights to the property as her partner owns it solely.
Unless he leaves her the property in his will she will probably be stuffed.

OP, at this stage (with him actively making plans to take you out of his will), your best financial plan will be splitting up, whether that is at your instigation or his.

Sounds like housing costs are low in your area. You just about have a deposit. Save aggressively for another 12 months, or until he decides he’s had enough if sooner. Can you get any overtime? A promotion? A second evening job? The kids will be fine for a while if you’re not around in the evenings or weekends - you have to prioritise yourself for a bit.

Then you buy yourself a small house, and with your salary, and benefit top ups, and CMS, you’ll certainly be no worse off but you’ll have some security.

You’ll also have to base all your financial decisions on your future security, not providing for your kids, either while you are alive or after you’ve died. Their father is rich, if they want bassoon lessons, funding through higher education, or the school ski trip - they ask their father. All your money needs to go into retirement savings, you don’t need to leave them anything because their father is leaving them a fortune.

And finally - make sure your kids do know the score, especially your daughter. It sounds like you didn’t have much of a career to speak of before the kids came along. She needs to know that whether she works in Tesco or for Morgan Stanley, she needs to have her own income and own savings, and not to give either up.

By not being married your dad will actually leave much to the Tax Woman before you see any of it.

For co-habitees there are no legal protections bar the IPFDA where a person who has been maintained financially can claim for reasonable provision. Issue here is that the OP would be suing her children.

IFPDA Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependents) Act 1975

It doesn't look very hopeful

He is being massively unfair not all of you.

Your son as he may have a house worth a lot more than the cash assets the leaves to your daughter

To your daughter as cash assets may be all used up due to need8ng a care home.

You as you will have nowhere to live

He really needs to see a solicitor who specialises is will writing as they can think of all the circumstances that might happen and build them into the Will

Off the top of my head, your son is in an accident and is so badly hurt he will never work again, or even dies

Your son and daughter marry and then divorce and the spouses get half each

He needs care following a stroke in his mid 60's and need to convert the house and pay for care, you will of course have long gone and neither of the kids are able to care for him

One of your kids wins the lottery

Time to have a serious and deep conversation with him and soon.

Oh god what a terribly vulnerable situation the OP is in. Not really much point going to a FA : they would say get married and if not - save as much as possible into a high interest cash ISA.the OP is earning below the national median salary, aged 50, and has very little assets. I hope at least other people read this and see how vulnerable they are having children and reducing their savings and earning capacity when they’re not married.

my dh has always topped up my isa and pensions when I’ve been on mat leave, not working, or earning much less than him. It’s what true partners do.

if this is the DP’s mindset - that he’s happy for the OP to be left homeless if he dies - then I think there’s really not much more to be done other than to get out of the situation now. It’s not grabby to think about how to protect yourself.

Or, more specifically, that your partner is deliberately taking steps to make you homeless if he dies.

There isn't a mortgage

You haven’t been on MN long I take it?

@YourRealBiscuit i really hope you get some clarity today from him. But you absolutely must put yourself and your security first. He sounds very callous and if he actually loved you none of these things would be happening. Take. Care. Of. You.

Yes, exactly.

It is bad enough that he won't leave everthing to her when their children are joint but he won't even allow her to live in the house after his death using an interest in possesson trust.

Hopefully the solicitor will tell him that he needs to do this.

So sorry you're in this position Op - he doesn't sound like a good, caring or kind partner. That said, I wouldn't leave but I'd stay put & save like crazy to build up as much of a nest egg as I could & then when the time is right (children over 18 perhaps) buy your own place. Good luck Op.

I disagree about waiting until the dc are 18 depending on their ages of course and whether they are approaching this age. However I do agree that if you do decide to leave that you take some time to put some money to one side. Don't move any large amounts however because if you do split this will be spotted.

I think you need a consultation with a solicitor to see where you stand before deciding the way forward.

But he doesn't need to - it's his house, he's free to do whatever he wants with it.

This.

That statement you copy and pasted is my personal opinion. I made it very clear in that post that I’m not from the UK.

Not all countries operate like this. In my country you are protected by the Family Law Act 1975. It protects married and unmarried couples considered to be in a de facto relationship. A de facto relationship applies to people who have lived together on a genuine domestic basis, and who are not married or in a registered relationship. I think there are some requirements like having to have lived together for at least 2 years. Also if you live together and have children together.

In Australia the Op would absolutely be regarded as in a de facto relationship with her partner and would be entitled to as much of the assets as a married couple. I wish she had the same protections that we do.

So, because of my culture I don’t view marriage in the same way as many Mumsnetters who often refer to the importance for women to be protected by marriage when starting a family. It simply isn’t an issue here so it is a bit of an alien concept for me.

Of course he doesn't have to but most decent people would, well actually most decent people would leave her everything as their kids are joint.

An IIP trust is usually used when there are step children.

@YourRealBiscuit Are there any signs of an affair? He has a lot of money so could possibly attract a much younger woman who is looking for a nice lifestyle.

"Hopefully the solicitor will tell him that he needs to do this."

Why would they? Necessarily?

Most of us (pretending for one nanosecond that we were all solicitors who deal with wills, who had half a brain cell, and one iota of a heart /emotional intelligence) - would assume that the man had at least thought about it. At least considered it. And decided no. If a client comes in, and clearly has already considered his wishes for the dc's, it's clear to most of us, he actually doesn't want to provide for op.

When you finally accept this, it will sadly cut you to the core.

It is. But most people would not take steps to make someone they love homeless.

No-one is going to leave their house to their cat. But most people take steps, formal or informal, to make sure their cat still has a home after their death. OP's partner seems to have less regard for her than most people do for their cats.