To be annoyed I’m not in partners will????

[YourRealBiscuit]

Backstory
we’ve been together almost 14 years. We’ve got children. Not married. His house we have lived in. He’s 60 I’m 50.

Am I being unreasonable that I’m annoyed now he’s doing his will his intention is to leave everything to the kids?
We have a decade age gap and I can’t help wondering what would happen to me of he died before me?
he sees it as his stuff so he leaves to who he wants to but I think it’s a huge red flag coupled with the fact obviously he’s not popped the question too

feels to me like he doesn’t really see us as an US?

what do you think?

Oh gosh OP, I've just read your update. Absolutely time to end things. Whatever is going on, he is willing to leave you destitute even as you bring up his children. I don't think I could come back from that tbh.

My Dad has left everything to my sister & I in his will - very open about his will to us and to his partner.

However his will also states that his partner has a life interest to stay living in the house until her death, assuming he dies first. They are both in their 80s but he made the will in his 70s and we all consider it fair.

This is the sort of thing I would expect your partner’s will to say. Otherwise he is showing no concern for your old age, if he dies first.

It’s a possibility, but as a 50 year old widow/not widow, she’d likely marry someone in a similar position. They won’t have any shared children, so it’s most likely OP would leave her inheritance to her children.

Well it’s what I’d do. But there are situations where it gets diverted to new partners and their children, even if unrelated to op. I’m guessing that’s what he’s afraid of and that’s worth bearing in mind when oP discusses it .

ETA for instance, it may help if op offers to sign her own Will excluding this situation. I realise Wills can be changed, but it may go far enough to give him reassurance that she at least is aware of the risk etc.

Agree with all of this.

So sorry you're in this position Op - he doesn't sound like a good, caring or kind partner. That said, I wouldn't leave but I'd stay put & save like crazy to build up as much of a nest egg as I could & then when the time is right (children over 18 perhaps) buy your own place. Good luck Op.

He doesn’t want you to move another man into his house ?

I have messaged a FA for an appt next week You need a solicitor as well, to see whether there's any point in contesting the will on the grounds that he was providing for you by housing you and therefore it's unreasonable to leave you out of the will. He may counter this by explaining in his will or the associated letter of Wishes which he isn't making provision for you.

Meanwhile. try to get a copy of his previous will. And if this is totally impossible, do a signed and dated note saying how you saw it and what it said. In general, notes made at the time and dated are given more weight than statement "some time last October I saw ... "

Spot on

There is no other way to look at it

I’m afraid there’s truth in this op…

If he's worried about his inheritance going to your new partner, he can leave everything to the children but a life interest in the house to you. Or set up a trust. There's various options he could explore, but the fact that he responds to your questions of him dying first with That's not going to happen" rather than something reassuring about life interests, trusts etc suggests that he has no interest in protecting your interests.

Personally I would leave, I couldn't live with someone who treated me with such contempt. But time your leaving to your advantage. Get everything set up to your best advantage before giving him any inkling.

He'll be doing the same.

Any legals out there who might comment on the legality of terms such as this (as an option for him to protect the house for the kids).

Leave the house to partner for life or until such time as she enters a new relationship or remarries.

Even if it's enforceable I doubt he will do it, since that means that his son will have to wait until OP dies (or gets a new partner/husband) to get the house, whereas the daughter will get her cash straightaway.

I really think the man is an idiot and hasn't thought things through. Or he is a mean mysoginistic asshole. I'm thinking the second one.

Who are the executors of the will I wonder?

Oh and if you do decide to leave OP, tell your kids exactly why, in the presence of your so called "partner".

If you've only been together 14 years then your kidsxmust be under 14. How would he expect you to support them into adulthood with nothing? Could you? One turns 18 and wants their share and the other is still a child but the house is sold? Or the moment you rause them to 18 your homeless? That's crazy

This.

He may be thinking of his inheritance from his wealthy parents who I imagine must be in their 80’s.Save every penny you can now and buy a property as soon as possible even a shared ownership for the time being.He is not a good person who puts money before you,yes he is leaving the children money but without you he wouldn’t have the children you bore him.You deserve so much better than him.I wish you strength.

Who will look after him if he becomes seriously ill or infirm, as is more likely as he gets older.

You or your children? In my experience it is almost always the partner who does the lion's share of caring duties.

Rent? They’re meant to be life partners. Like most fathers, his working life will have progressed unhindered, whilst hers was paused, as many women’s are, for producing and caring for children. In a committed relationship we are supposed to look after one another, aren’t we?

OP I’m so sorry to hear you are in this position. Please do see a different solicitor yourself for advice

You say you haven't been getting along so well lately.

It isn't a case of him finally making a will - he is now actively and openly changing it, deliberately cutting you out.

And he has set up an atmosphere where you are being made to feel bad for asking questions.

Wake up.

Take steps to secure your own future. Because he is putting yours in jeopardy and you've sleepwalked into a hole.

I think you may need to brace yourself for something else about to land.

I'm sorry, OP.

Not sure what a solicitor would be able to do, there is pretty much zero obligation here. Don't waste your money.

You need to recognise that he doesn't really regard you as a life partner so, if that isn't good enough for you, then you need to leave as doesn't sound he'll change his mind. If you stay, you are likely to outlive him by 12-14 years so you need to build up enough means to cover this gap. Make sure you have built up full state pension entitlement, try to maximise your earnings and whack up your savings. Luckily he has enough money saved up to pay for any old age care so you don't have that drudgery to look forward to.

None of this makes any sense.

How is he going to live after retirement?

What if he has care home fees to be paid?

Has he taken any tax advice?

What is his plan if he needs caring for in his own home? You? Where would any income come from if you’re looking after him? He’s expecting you to stop earning, care for him, then not inherit anything from him?

Is there an OW?

You’ve let yourself be treated with disdain and contempt. This isn’t a partnership of equals. He’s bought your child-rearing and housekeeping and sexual services for keep-money. Some people make provision in their wills for their pets. You’ve been treated worse than a pet. You’re actually the mother of his children.

He’s a horrible man, and you’ve been foolish. I don’t know why you put up with this.

The writing was on the wall when he didn't ask you to marry him even after the first was born.

Unfortunately, some men do still women as vehicles to bear their offspring and nothing more.

The only claim in lifetime is if she had made a significant contribution to the property (extension level) and that would be either a resulting or constructive trust. Or if there had been an agreement that the property was in his name but it belonged to them both and they both acted in this way. On the face of it, this is not the case and if it were it would be difficult to argue or prove.

You can only contest a will when the person had died unless you could prove that you have suffered a detriment and relied upon a promise (farming cases usually) (promissory or proprietary estoppel).

For co-habitees there are no legal protections bar the IPFDA where a person who has been maintained financially can claim for reasonable provision. Issue here is that the OP would be suing her children.

But you wouldn't be leaving because you weren't in his will, you would be leaving bc you will be homeless if he dies.