To be annoyed I’m not in partners will????

[YourRealBiscuit]

Backstory
we’ve been together almost 14 years. We’ve got children. Not married. His house we have lived in. He’s 60 I’m 50.

Am I being unreasonable that I’m annoyed now he’s doing his will his intention is to leave everything to the kids?
We have a decade age gap and I can’t help wondering what would happen to me of he died before me?
he sees it as his stuff so he leaves to who he wants to but I think it’s a huge red flag coupled with the fact obviously he’s not popped the question too

feels to me like he doesn’t really see us as an US?

what do you think?

It's not her house!

It may not be up to them - if the property is left in trust (ie, he dies before they're adults) then the trustee will be the one to make any decisions about what happens to the property in the meantime.

The problem for OP is that she's not listed on the deeds and was never on any mortgage, so she has no legal right to live there once the current owner dies, or if he decides to kick her out.

There are circumstances where you can fight to remain in the property upon your partners' death, but it's certainly not guaranteed. You can also fight for your "share" if you can prove you've paid towards repairs and the mortgage, but again, there's no guarantees.

Seek legal advice.

Yes but what if owning the house OP lives in makes it harder for him to buy his own property to live in? Saddles him with more tax liability?

He clearly has not thought through all the consequences of writing his will in this way. Either that or he doesn't care.

But you haven’t wandered into it.

You have made active choices. You must have been ok with this at some point. You just have felt it was to your benefit at some point.

Start making active choices that look after you.

He's used you for unpaid labour, to take care of his kids whilst he can build his career, and now he no longer has any use for you and by staying unmarried, he's free to leave you with nothing. It happens quite often. I would speak to a solicitor to see if there's anything that can be done, start building separate assets and LTB!

What he's actually saying is 'I don't give a flying fuck about you or what might happen to you in the future, even to the extent that I am content to see you homeless'.
That's it in a nutshell.
Personally I would leave, I couldn't live with someone who treated me with such contempt.

I think he has.

i think he doesn’t intend for the Op to be living there when he dies.

Would he expect me to care for him- I hate the saying when someone shows you who they are listen but what else does he need to do for you to see how awful he is. Of course he would, you’d probably end up giving up work to nurse him then he’d pop his clogs and you’d be homeless and no job. Come on op if this isn’t making you absolutely repulsed by him what will? He’s also happy for your daughter to get sod all if there are care fees, oh and that will be another thing won’t it you’ll be caring for him so you don’t erode her inheritance as you’ll feel guilty. Or he will say I can’t pay for care do you want to see daughter’s inheritance decimated.

How do you get on with his family? You have mentioned he could inherit? Since you are younger than him, does he have them chirping in the background that they want their assets to stay in their family through your children? So to protect their assets, should he die and you remarrying and leaving all assets to your new partner?
Also he was 46 when you got together, is there not another lifetime before you. Saying this kindly, but as I have mentioned upthread, my DF left my SM provided for, but my DF had another life before SM with my DM, who passed away leaving my DF all assets which SM is now getting benefit from. I don’t actually begrudge this, since DF was looked after by SM, I would like to see some of my DF & DM estate after SM passes though or at least pass it to my DC, which by all accounts we should as its in a Trust.

If you are already on the existing will what does it say? Is he perhaps just intending to add the children to the will?

I earned 10x my husband so of course never assume women are the lower earners. I want 100% of my money to go to the children when I die as indeed does their father.
It is perfectly possible for men and women to refuse to move in and refuse to have children with someone without getting married with all the additional disadvantages and advantages marriage brings.

He is probably maxing his IHT allowance.

who are you leaving your estate to?

But as the op is 50 that could be another 40 years before the house is sold and money goes to the kids who would be 50 then?

Basically he is concerned about money not going to his kids but a new husband you may have.

So? People with young parents sometimes won’t inherit until till their 70s! Surely, any partner or spouse can remarry in the event of the others death - not sure what makes him so different. He’s treating OP as a lodger or nanny, rather then a partner and the mother of his children!

In all honestly, from a financial point of view. It would have been a huge financial risk to marry you.

And if you came from a wealthy family and was well paid, with a mortgage free home the advice here would have been to absolutely not marry him.

Has he got a bit on the side?

This is why marriage was invented - to protect women.

From what you say, inheritance tax at 40% is going to be due on around £475,000, (after £325k allowance) so a lot of money going to HMRC rather than the kids.

This could be avoided totally if you were in a civil partnership or marriage.
The man's an idiot.

Save frantically and buy a place, you can rent it out for now. Be honest: I’m buying it because I’m homeless if you get hit by a bus.i will be honest with the entire world as to that you have left me nothing and not one of our friends will say ‘why should he have? How grabby of her!’ Because leaving your partner the house to live in is what everyone who cares for their partner does. I see now that you don’t really, and I’m making plans so I’m looked after. Also, don’t get sick, I’m your children’s mum not your carer.

Yes but surely this conversation happens BEFORE you have children? Did you never discuss how things would work when children were involved if he wasn’t going to marry you?

This is a real possibility and is more likely where there is an age gap.

Christ that's awful.

Leave him.

He has had 14 years of free childcare
has he @YourRealBiscuit ?

that would cause a huge strain on me, knowing how my son would feel, even though he loves me he’d want his inheritance as we all would.

I don’t think most people would! Most people would only expect to inherit from their parents, if still together at time of death, once the second one died.

This is literally why marriage was invented to give women some protection in this scenario. Otherwise men can take our unpaid labour and the best years of our lives then turf us out when we’ve served our purpose for child birth and child rearing and aren’t pretty anymore. Any unmarried women in this scenario should take heed.