To be annoyed I’m not in partners will????

[YourRealBiscuit]

Backstory
we’ve been together almost 14 years. We’ve got children. Not married. His house we have lived in. He’s 60 I’m 50.

Am I being unreasonable that I’m annoyed now he’s doing his will his intention is to leave everything to the kids?
We have a decade age gap and I can’t help wondering what would happen to me of he died before me?
he sees it as his stuff so he leaves to who he wants to but I think it’s a huge red flag coupled with the fact obviously he’s not popped the question too

feels to me like he doesn’t really see us as an US?

what do you think?

This is not a leave situation ffs
He has allowed her to live rent free in his home

Hard disagree with this. They've got children together, they've been living as a married couple in effect yet she enjoys none of the legal protections.

@YourRealBiscuit you wouldn't be leaving him because he won't put you in his will, you'd be leaving because he won't share his life with you.

Sharing doesn't mean you have to get exactly half but it does mean knowing what happens in the event either of you should die.

Just supporting the kids through that is bad enough without not having a clue if you can stay in your home or if there's a life insurance policy.

If you cannot have discussions like this then your relationship is doomed.

You don't even have to agree on the decisions but you should know what they are.

It feels to me like he is stringing you along until he doesn't have to pay child maintenance in a couple of years and then you walk away with nothing having served your purpose of providing the children and doing the childcare free of charge.

I rarely suggest leaving someone. I think it's jumped to on here far too fast but I cannot fathom sharing your life with someone and being unable to ask the questions that really matter.

Ok well it is worth having the conversation

It is simply possible that this man has not married you because he is guarding his wealth.

That could be for a number of reasons. However this situation has been going on for years and you have allowed it to remain the same.

Instead of approaching him with a sense of entitlement I would be asking him what you could do to change his thoughts on the situation?

Does he want you to contribute now? To bills, savings etc

I mean you are talking nearly a million pound in property and cash. It’s is a lot to give up to you in the event of his death - when I suspect really he might be worried that his children won’t inherit after it goes to you.

He might think you are not responsible with finances etc

there could be many reasons

At the least you should talk about you getting a lump sum to buy a smaller property.

If he needs care in old age his dd's inheritance will disappear. Care home fees are around £3K per month. He would have to pay up until his savings are down to £23K.
He really is foolish.

His plan is not sensible. Say he has to go into a care home how is it being funded cash so your daughter loses out or a house sale so your son gets nothing?
In 20 years a house will likely have increased much more in value than value of cash so someone will inevitably be better/worse off. Plus if your son doesn't want to live there he would have the cost/stress of selling, maintenance etc. Or again could be better off by renting the property getting an income and still having an asset.
I find it incredible you have sacrificed your earning power to bring up your children and he actively wants you to have nothing. It is cruel and unusual I couldn't stay with someone who thought so little of me.

The only Trust that doesn’t is a discretionary will trust, and that itself uses the nil rate band.

He added a codicil to his will, I can live there as long as I like, but when I move out it's to be sold and split between his children.

This is an immediate post-death interest. Therefore it is taxed in the beneficiaries estate is they die within 7 years. Tax is aggregated between the trust assets and the beneficiaries free estate.

Hès 10 years older than you! What a stupid thing to say! Is he hoping you die before him, despite you being a woman and 10 years younger? Does he have any other kids apart from yours?

Yes. Tbh that is how I would view it.

If you haven't seen it that way, and you haven't planned for it that way, then you need to have the conversation.

Things I would highlight:

1. IHT- better if married. So let's marry
2. what happens when kids leave home?
3. plans for retirement (when, how will it be spent, how funded (separately, jointly)

The above will give you a feel about his thought process and will clarify yours. You have been making assumptions. And so has he.

I think you know that £6k in a LISA won't get you far- so your assumption must have been that he (or the state) will support you?

The main issue is this could be in 15 years, the OP is now 65 and cannot get a mortgage.

Not RTFT but terrible idea to leave one the house and one cash. What if he spends all his cash on care? Daughter won’t get the same. What if his house is sold by the time he dies? Son wouldn’t get anything. You should definitely be asking for the right to live in the house but can’t force it.

My plan was to
finally get back to a good position and whack money into my pensions and savings.
im aware I haven’t got much but before this most recent occurrence I thought we’d then pool what we had together but that seems so obviously wrong now it makes me laugh at myself!

If you don't buy soon, with a mortgage, the OP might not be able to afford a home outright. Who can say what house prices will be in 5 or 10 years time. Going off statistics, house prices only ever go up. There are still properties out there for £100k, which is still affordable.

'Annoyed', OP? 'Appalled' should be your reaction.

See a solicitor and find out about your rights here. I think you'll be finding your 'appalled' quite soon.

This is your future.

Do you have family and friends you can appeal to, to talk some sense into him?

The OP can save now with a view to an escape plan.

There is no way to justify leaving your partner of 14 years homeless. None. Especially if you have a family and should be a family.

My partner has always made me feel like it’s wrong to ask, so I haven’t.

Christ!...

You need to get some backbone and self-respect. Sorry but you're acting like a 1940s handmaiden.

These figures are completely wrong.
if a trust is created in LIFETIME, (which I don’t think anyone is suggesting) there is a 20% charge on the amount over the £325k nil rate band (NRB) Ie if you put £400k into a trust the tax would be 15k (400-325 @20%). There would be ongoing charges of 6%of the amount over the NRB every 10 years.
however if the £400k house is left on on life interest in a will, this is an ‘immediate post death interest in possession’ IPDI trust. This would have no ongoing IHT charges but this would be subject to IHT on death as normal combined with the rest of the estate eg 40% of the amount over the NRB. If it was set up to leave the children part of the property too, then the additional residence NRB of £175k could be claimed. So £800k estate on death less £500k NRB =£300k @40% = £120k. There is no ‘extra’ tax with a trust created in the will at the point of death, it is the IHT that would be payable anyway.

OP. This man doesn't care about your future.

The only person who can fix this now is you.

You have been conditioned into thinking that you are grabby for raising a very important point.

It's now time to condition him into thinking you will leave if he doesn't put this right.

In the meantime start working out how to buy a property of your own, yes this is expensive but it's exactly what you need to do to secure your future.

You then also have leverage in the relationship because it means he then knows you can move out if you want to.

Take control back OP, no one is going to do this for you.

No, you don't get it. It's not about the will. It's about how you are valued and treated as an equal part of a committed partnership, instead of just live-in friends with benefits. You'd be leaving because he has made it abundantly clear he is not committed to you and does not value you.

That's why you'd be leaving.

You're still looking at it totally the wrong way.

Deleted as I see people who know mire have posted about iht risk

A better nest egg would be to buy a house and rent it out while staying with this guy.

There is a difference between a buy to let mortgage and a residential mortgage. OP would have to check the rules. It used to be the case that you couldn't rent out a property with a residential mortgage and you can't live in a property with a BTL mortgage. It is going to be really hard to evict tenants from a property under any circumstances. Landlords are going to be absolutely hammered and I think renting out a mortgaged flat is going to be an expensive undertaking. In her position I would save up like mad and get an ordinary repayment mortgage. I would not get a tenant.

it would feel bad to say kids im
leaving your father because he won’t leave me anything in his will
ive been made to feel like that’s grabby

No, @YourRealBiscuit not grabby at all, just sensible - and you need to demonstrate that to your children. Everyone should get financial education in school as Martin Lewis is always saying. Showing your children that it is right to provide for yourself is the right thing to do. And it might stop your son turfing you out at a moment's notice after your not so 'D'P dies, should he have inherited his father's traits along with his house.

To the PP suggesting she should be grateful for not paying rent - it’s just such a strange mindset??? This isn’t a business arrangement, it’s a family! Family isn’t transactional like that, or at least it shouldn’t be. It’s about loving each other and supporting over the years. I say this as a woman who has had children and has always worked full time, so not someone who is adverse to working - but working isn’t the be all and end all of contributing to a happy family. Over the years of our relationship we’ve looked after each other in sickness or hard times, raised the kids together, even each others support system.. in the future one of us could require round the clock care for all we know. If he was run over tomorrow, I’d be by his side for years if he needed me. That’s what LOVE is. It’s not a spreadsheet of who put in what. OP is the mother of his children and his life partner - wanting to leave her homeless in the event of his death is heartless and viewing someone’s worth to the family in terms of their financial input negates the point of FAMILY doesn’t it?! I really can’t understand that.

Of course it's a leave situation for OP. If her DH makes a will leaving everything to the kids and dies the day after, OP has no right to stay in the family home. Her kids are tweens so a long way off from being able to live independently from their mother.

His house is without a mortgage, so to congratulate him for not charging rent to his partner and mother of his children is ridiculous. Well done to him for not making a profit from the mother of his kids.

OPs career and earning potential are the ones that have been affected by having children, not his.

If she doesn't leave, she should save all her wages and try and buy her own property.

I can see why you are upset about all of this (and I would be too) but I think you are missing a huge part of the picture. You are focusing on his death. He could kick you out tomorrow and there would be nothing you could do. Plan for having a roof over your head NOW, he's already getting pissed at you for questioning and being "grabby" about his will.