To understand why some women have children within a a short time with multiple different partners?

[Beautifulweeds]

Genuine question, arose in conservation today. An in law has 3 DC from 3 different Dads and is only 25 and is a single Mum to them. Their Dads are going about their normal lives, including sleeping with other women (probably more pregnancies) and don't have much to with their children. She's not the most invested Mum (meaning not at all) has to live off UC, leaves her kids with grandparents, who in reality look after them.

She has met another new fella, doesn't take precautions (oh I keep forgetting to take the pill) and it won't be long before she has another baby.

So, I guess my question was...hopefully you would learn from experience that you can and should take responsibility? Guidance doesn't always work, so same old patten repeated...meet someone, get pregnant, let someone else look after baby...taken away...fostering...adoption.

We've tried to help and intervene but a brick wall. X

If she lives on benefits and 3 child maintenances she’s probably getting the equivalent or a bit more of a minimum wage, with the benefit of not having to work. And if other people are taking care of her children it sounds like quite a relaxed life.
The root of the problem is that we have a broken society that rewards broken people. And to top it all off every aspect of our lives has lost its meaning. Marriage holds no value, family holds no value, having a profession holds no value, and for late millennials and gen z hard work holds no value. (They’re underpaid, and treated as if they’re disposable by employers whilst most will never be able to own a house). I think women like her are trying to find a sense of purpose and a livelihood in the few avenues they still have left at their disposal, much like the rest of us.

I know, thank you ❤️, I thought that as soon as I sent it but some people are so judgemental , I never thought I’d be a single mother let alone two dads but now my output has completely changed and I wouldn’t change my story for the world ❤️❤️❤️

I couldn’t agree more, I am shocked at how many people have jumped on this thread to make assumptions and put women down. Absolutely disgusting.

Honestly I would judge you as a midwife for either not being better with contraception or planning 3 pregnancies with 3 different men. It's hardly a stable family background for your kids having such a complex family structure. And yes, I judge the fathers equally.

Tbf, the OP is not describing her relative as being a decent mother and working hard for a living. It's not just about having 3 different fathers for 3 DC's. It's about having more DC's when you don't want to care for the ones you already have, and cant afford the ones you have, that perplexes people. It's repeating the same pattern and being left with the same unwanted consequences, and sad for any DC's who's father doesn't want to know them. I'm sure OP's relative has completely different reasons than @Spanglishmummy3 has, the 2 situations are clearly not the same.

With DNA testing we can be sure who the father is. Why not come down really hard on these men to provide for the children they conceive. For instance I believe in the USA you lose your driving licence if you don't cough up child support.
Hopefully this would get blokes to deal more responsibly with contraception.

Some people will say they're just doing it for the benefits but I don't think so, universal credit is capped at two kids and child benefit is only a measly 16 pound for all kids except the first one.
Honestly I think they just have low IQs, I say this as someone who had my first child at 16 and three by 25, at least all my children have the same baby daddy and he has a good job.

No one needs to take offense if you have more than one baby daddy we get it life happens but this is about the girls who have 3+ baby daddies and have a child with a new one after a couple of months. No hatred towards them from me just understanding that they have low IQs.

Why the use of 'baby daddy' in this thread and not dad/father?

Sorry, I guess I have too many American friends I'm becoming one 😂

But it's not her body her choice.....she has negatively affected her children and her parents who feel they have to provide support

So what's your answer? Forced abortion, forced sterilisation?

Honestly of course it's her choice unless you are suggesting that the state gets to choose which women are 'allowed' to have children.

That's a dangerous game.

I didn't remotely suggest forced abortion or forced sterilisation......and I don't agree that is the answer at all. Surprised you've even mentioned those options.

I'm just saying it's a truly truly sad situation and the mum is doing her children and her extended family a total disservice .

So it's not just her body her choice..... as .it is affecting so many other people ......

You are less likely to be raped, thus require an abortion, if men aren't creeping around women easily.

Sorry wrong thread, please ignore the above post.

As midwives we are taught to be non-judgmental. You don't know if these women are widowed, have been through an abusive marriage, what reasons they have!

I feel sorry for your children to be honest!

This is going to be a circular argument.

Of course it's her body her choice.

It's up to the woman to determine whether other factors are enough for her not to go on to have children in her circumstances.

The fact that you think she should have other consideration is completely irrelevant to her bodily autonomy.

THIS

Because no one falls in love faster than a man with nowhere to live- single mums are an ideal target for these lowlives, and the women who shack up with them are unfortunately either equally as stupid, desperate or sadly very vulnerable. These people also are not choosy at all- they'll take whomever will have them. I live in a deprived town where this is common- as soon as the bloke gets kicked out of his mums, his mates or his exes for his shit behavuout
, he's straight onto the next unwitting fool, declaring his love 🙄

@Fedupcreative86 yep- sums it up well I think - and these girls/women seem to put a lot of store on having a bloke in their life amongst each other- no matter if he's a cock lodging user with little going for him .

Yep, all about having a man: Sadly I've seen this happen at the other end of the spectrum as well- I know so many hard working, bright, accomplished women who are with these cocklodging arses with no or little ambition. These blokes use her time, emotions and hard earned money to sponge off her whilst he chases some stupid pipe dream usually, promising her the world once it "takes off"/he "makes it". But at last she has a man! (Oh and on the one occasion one of these men did actually make something of himself- with her backing and help- he dumped her straight away. Google "Barbara the builder")

@Fedupcreative86 yep there's a few of them too- I've worked in coworking hubs full of them. Still cocklodgers, but usually better looking , better dressed, more trained and more well spoken

I'm really not sure where to begin with this. I think it is a perfectly intelligent choice to make to not have a partner and have a child. Being settled for many intelligent women is not about having a partner. Women can be perfectly settled without having to be married.
If we look at the amount of people on here complaining about partners and disagreement about parenting styles then having a child/children on your own seems like a wholly intelligent choice.

@sunshinemode I completely agree, which is why I added the line on "generally speaking", as many women do it alone and don't want/need a partner.

I was generalising, but wanted to make the point that those women generally make themselves financially stable beforehand, which links to their level of intelligence and the ability to pre-plan, but I perhaps didn't feel the need to expand on that point further.

@PassMeTheCookies At least young mothers 'generally' have healthy babies. It's the older parents whose babies have lifelong conditions that are a drain on resources.

And why on these these types of threads are fathers never included in the judgement? What about fathers of multiple babies? Are they psychopaths? Low IQ? Feckless?

I posted up thread about a neighbour of mine. She had three kids and was keen to get pregnant with the new boyfriend. She was in love with love, didn't expect anything from the Dads as she could do it all on her own (benefits and mum).

I agree, the attention can send them giddy. All the congratulations, the care, the questions, the bay shower. Who doesnt love a new baby?