To understand why some women have children within a a short time with multiple different partners?

[Beautifulweeds]

Genuine question, arose in conservation today. An in law has 3 DC from 3 different Dads and is only 25 and is a single Mum to them. Their Dads are going about their normal lives, including sleeping with other women (probably more pregnancies) and don't have much to with their children. She's not the most invested Mum (meaning not at all) has to live off UC, leaves her kids with grandparents, who in reality look after them.

She has met another new fella, doesn't take precautions (oh I keep forgetting to take the pill) and it won't be long before she has another baby.

So, I guess my question was...hopefully you would learn from experience that you can and should take responsibility? Guidance doesn't always work, so same old patten repeated...meet someone, get pregnant, let someone else look after baby...taken away...fostering...adoption.

We've tried to help and intervene but a brick wall. X

I think porn has had an effect so that men refuse to use condoms in too many instances.

The new rules came in, in 2017 after baby 3 no tax credits now universal credits unless twins or worse raped

so going onto have loads of kids isn’t the money grab it was years back and yes we now have kids in poverty because of the parents having more or more so the women as the man has fucked off.

It's a cycle from grandmother to granddaughter. I see it in the run down estates. They think this is their lives but most only have 2 kids now as there is no money in having more as 20 odd quid Child benefit isn’t covering it as that isn’t capped for low earners or ones on UC.

plus who is getting housing cos they are pregnant not round here they ain’t, it’s a hostel or shared housing with others or a right run down B&B as a lot of the homeless flats have been knocked down as they where unsafe and nowt was re built

Sometimes they have nothing else. No proper education, no motivation/drive and it's the 'easiest' thing to do to get a house, money etc.
Some seem to think that having a baby in a relationship is mandatory. Or that a baby will ensure he stays/changes/loves you. Despite it not working the first or second or even third time

There is no thought to the potential, then actual, child/ren who is/are the ones that suffer the consequence of the mothers actions. Because anyone actually believing having multiple children with multiple men, often after 5 minutes is just not very smart, very selfish and probably won't have the abilty or desire to raise children to be better than that

Like others said, it’s a sign of low intelligence. And greed. Unfortunately, we live in a society where being dim is rewarded in this way. The less you do, the more you get.

Yes, you can blame the man, they are probably even more dim. You never see a baby daddy type and marvel at the intellect that would be lost to humanity if he didn’t pass his genes down. But, it’s a fact of biology that the woman has to carry the can, and the baby. So you have to ask why these women keep having kids by multiple men, that they have no means of paying for. Because they are dim, selfish and greedy. Because someone else will always pay. The irony is the mugs paying for it are the ones who are limiting their own fertility because they are so concerned about being able to afford kids.

"The irony is the mugs paying for it are the ones who are limiting their own fertility because they are so concerned about being able to afford kids".

As a recent BBC article showed, a middle class couple on over £60k a year might say they could not possibly afford children, however, I know several families (even in high cost areas) who would feel like they could thrive on £60k pa. So how 'affordable' children are is quite subjective.

I do understand some people are annoyed that they might be 'paying' for these families to live off social security, but the reality is, again, so much more complex. As far as I'm aware there has been social housing and welfare since after WW2 and many of these families are actually in work, it's just we don't value that work as highly. Not every child from these families will never work, many will go on to contribute financially for much of their lives, some will become carers to sick, elderly or disabled relatives and save the state a fortune. All will be paying tax everytime they pay VAT in this country etc. The media skews the true picture completely.

Unfortunately, we live in a society where being dim is rewarded in this way.

I think it's more accurate to say that we live in a society that tries to protect dim people from the natural consequences of their actions.

It's debatable whether this is an integral part of human social development, or an artificially imposed artefact due to morals, ethics and religion.

As Queenie in Blackadder wisely said "We can't go around chopping peoples heads off just for being stupid, can we ?"

I taught for many years on an estate where there were many families of single mum plus children from multiple partners.
My conclusion was that the mums felt “ good” when pregnant as they were looked after and cared about by health care professionals etc. It never seemed to be about money, ie more child benefit

It’s absolutely moronic, this comment. It’s no accident that the people who bleat out: “her body, her choice” use the same cliched little maxim about people who refuse vaccines and do other stupid and self defeating things.

I think the point the poster is making with 'her body her choice' is that no matter what we think, how we feel, it will always be her body her choice.

The only way this will change is if you force sterilisation or abortion.

The operative word being FORCE.

It doesn't mean any more than that. The poster doesn't even need demonstrate her feelings or views on the subject. Saying her body her choice doesn't even tell us what the poster thinks. All she is doing is stating the fact in our society at present.

Until we become Gilead, this is currently fact.

Yeah, it's one of those where I guess you have to walk in someone's shoes and all that.

I think some people are genuinely a bit feckless and just kind of float through life on a wing and a prayer. I try not to judge. Presumably they have different experiences, needs and values to me.

I'm not sure it's a very socially responsible or popular thing to do to keep having children with no means of supporting them. 😩 However, we live in a civilised country where we've committed to end or reduce child poverty, so if someone is prepared to live the life of Riley, and live on their wits, then there's not much anyone can do to stop them.

I wouldn't swap places. I'm not envious of them. I don't think it's an easy life. If that's the best they can do for themselves then who am I to hold that against them?

I do fear for the children, but as long as they are not being exploited or abused, they might have a happy life. Kids don't need wealth. In some parts of the world, parents have to work incredibly hard to provide a lower standard of living than can be achieved here for nothing.

So - ? - it's not worth getting exorcised about it.

And we the people (taxpayers, net contributors to society) are paying her through UC to fund this lifestyle.

And as long as her parents support her they also facilitate it,

I asked ‘my’ one how these came about and what attracted her. She replied that they were good looking (as is she) ! There was no consideration as to other attributes and she turned a blind eye to his inability to stay sober, maintain his car licence and frequent change of employment with lots of unemployed down time and no savings. It was an acceptable way of life because he was handsome.

personally I think she is one of these Gals with a Bum Detector. I’ve told her that myself and her mother’s friend will be interviewing any future candidates but she isn’t admitting to having any (we know she is).

she wants to improve her lot, but when suggestions are made they are discounted. I think she is waiting for Mr Right who will pick her because of her looks and great shape. She recently had a flat tyre and I went to help her, had some sap trying to change it for her but her personality was completely different. The hormones were raging and she belittled some of my effort to help.. she wasn’t the person I know her to be…. So it’s not lack of confidence which initially I thought was why she was attracting the wrong sort.

What a nasty and pointless thread. There are women out there that have multiple children with the same father who rely on UC and family members for childcare?! There are also women whose children have different dads, work full time and not living off UC.
Kate Winslet’s children have three different dads, she has money….no one says anything. In fact if you saw her at the school gates you would probably ask her for her autograph!
This post is a vile reminder that women are being judged and scrutinised all the time, even by their own family members. If you care about your in law why not have a private conversation with her rather than this.

as a woman who used to think the same - I have two children two dads. The first was a fling I didn’t want to have an abortion and accepted from day one I was doing it alone … the second was a man I have known for years before I became a mother he’s a great dad to his other children and was amazing with my son and uplifted me when I was alone and had no support when I had my son … long story but he’s a complete emotionally abusing narcissist and as soon as we planned to have my second son he decided he didn’t want to know after we planned him with ovulation kits … so when I had my second son I never envisioned being alone again - but some women choose to stay abusive relationships because they don’t want to move on and have other children with other people or for whatever reason … but as soon as he showed his true colours I moved away and left all the bullying which came when I became pregnant behind .. it’s hard being a single mom, I didn’t plan it to be this way but I have also learned not to judge others as the same thing you judge could be your reality in the future. And now I look back I wouldn’t change my story for the world being a single mother has given m strength , my life has turned out way better than I could have imagined. I don’t see anybody as I am super wary of men now. But I do want more children in the future when I find someone genuine as I am still young, so I will one day have three children and three baby dads I guess 😂❤️

Lots of different reasons, depending on the person. You'd have to ask someone who's walked the path.
Maybe ask your inlaw why? She's best placed to answer.

I understand some people are saying it's the grandparents choice to look after the grandkids but if they didn't, where would the kids go? I feel like they wouldn't want the kids to be looked after by random people as it seems like she isn't that fussed. And I would be the same if it was my grandkids, I'd have to have the kids as much I as understand I am enabling my child, I also won't allow random people to look after them or worse, they get taken away

I’m actually disgusted at this thread. I’m a mother of 3, different fathers. I’m also a midwife, never asked support of parents, well educated, well travelled, always worked. How dare you all generalise like this when you know nothing about each individual’s life! How very entitled! This is absolutely vile and to be honest the thread should be removed. Easy to see the type of people judging and how very sad!

She could be looking for love. The abandonment she's giving may the abandonment she experienced herself. We become our parents whether we want to hear that or not.

She may be thinking the same things as people are saying, which is why am I doing this, but she hasn't the gumption to actually address her behaviour.

No way justifying the behaviour as it callous, however she clearly has issues to deal with.

It’s none of your actual business! I’m 43 and have 3 children by different fathers! I’m not a psychopath, I work extremely hard as a midwife. I’m pretty sure I’m judged by the likes of horrid people like you! You’ve no idea of my personal situation, or of anyone’s just because it isn’t your own dynamic.

Shame on you! The women/mothers on here and the judgment and sense of entitlement! I doubt any of you are perfect! Doubt all of you are hard workers!

You sit there making assumptions about these women. Let me tell you, there is also a view for women like you.

What a disgusting thread with so many internally misogynistic replies.

Agreed

yes it's vile.

The amount of people who don't think women should have bodily autonomy is astonishing as were the responses to my post.

Please don't feel you have to explain to these people. I've just done the same! Awful! I honestly don't know why I let people like this bother me

From my experience the women who are like this are just very impulsive. There are obviously men like this too but it's easier for the men to walk away from the kids. Unfortunately anyone that is fertile can have children.