It was my birthday yesterday, MIL bought me Christmas themed stuff

[HagsRule]

I feel ungrateful even creating this thread, but it has been bugging me all day. AIBU to feel this way? Is this weird?

Basically, it was my birthday yesterday and MIL came over today with presents for me. Over the past 5 or 6 years I've received at least one Christmas themed present for my birthday from MIL which I've thought was odd since it is almost 2 months before Christmas and I'm not really a big Christmas fan anyway.

After she did it again last year on my birthday I maybe didn't receive the Christmas themed plates and glasses as enthusiastically as she'd expected. Just to clarify I always say thank you and haven't said anything as I don't want to upset anybody and come across as ungrateful. Even posting this I feel guilty! But anyway, maybe last year my face slipped or something and I gave myself away because this year for my birthday every single present was Christmas themed and my BIL (her other son) also gave me entirely Christmas themed presents bar one book. I suspect BIL got help from his mum to buy his presents as when he handed the parcel to me he checked with his mum first to make sure that was the right gift to give me (he's almost 40 fyi).

Is she trolling me now? She must have picked up on me feeling a bit irked by it last year so she's ramped it up this year. My DH is also annoyed on my behalf and at lunch today said something about Christmas not even being on our radar until December (which to be fair is true). She looked annoyed that he said this.

Should I just suck this weird gift thing up forever more? I mean, it's just so random and I think I'd understand more if she bought me Halloween themed tat since that's the day before my birthday, but Christmas stuff? It makes even less sense.

Having read that this is how she behaves when you try to put a stop to it, I'd actually send out a message to the entire family on your DH's side (but send it from his phone) saying something like this:
Family - we want to cut back on all of the excess that happens around Christmas and with that in mind in an effort to reduce waste we only want something from the following gift list for us and the kids (include a list of what you want here or say that you will email it to people). We do not see this as ruining Christmas but the level of excess from previous years really must come to an end. There is still a lot to choose from in that list so we trust you'll be able to find the perfect gift for the kids and for us.

or maybe something a little less wordy but still manages to get your point across now rather than in a few weeks time. If you put some charity gifts in your list, even better.

So what if she cries to her sister about you? It should be water off a ducks back at this stage because you know what she is like and how she goes on. You might even get a break from her and you can put your foot down about how she goes on.

Yes I’m truly grateful for anything anyone has given me. It’s the thought. And no I don’t think I wish they’d got me something else. In fact I’ve never written a Christmas list or asked for anything. It’s just not me

I don’t understand why you’re assuming she does it deliberately to annoy you. And I think it’s ridiculous the way I see so many people making glib diagnoses of "she’s a narc!"
Perhaps she just doesn't know what to buy you, really thinks you like these Christmas-themed things and is trying to please you. Next year, well before your birthday, get your DH to suggest to her something he "knows you’d love" (that you have suggested to him).

It's my daughter's birthday next week and I have bought her a jelly cat Christmas tree. I always buy her one Xmas themed gift because she loves Christmas. Other gifts are available. It was my birthday last week and one present I got were a set of Xmas tree decorations because I wanted them but wouldn't buy them for myself because they were too expensive. If I got a boots advent calendar I would be thrilled. That's a great present.

@Candymay but it's not "the thought" if they haven't actually thought about what you like and enjoy in life and just bought something random.
It's actually thoughtless. And just a waste of time and money.

I'm neither lazy nor thoughtless

I have always loved the festive time and so do my DD and BFF

I have been purposely giving them festive items to enjoy for this time, rather than getting something christmassy for Christmas day when the whole advent time is over

But I really can’t understand this attitude. Why can’t a gift be a token? I don’t expect people to think deeply about what I enjoy in life and gift me things appropriately. The thought is in the act of giving a gift. Maybe I’m on my own here but if I buy something for someone it would suck all the joy out if I thought they were going to be so judgmental and maybe think I hadn’t done it correctly. It’s so mean spirited. And a token gift from someone who maybe doesn’t know you well can be so special. I’m appreciative and I’m not greedy. I’m a big gift giver though and I love Christmas themed joyful gifts

Does it matter, OP? I wouldn’t be bothered. If DH did that I might!

Gift it all back to her on her birthday. Prettily wrapped of course.
It’s in March, even better.

If she isn’t grateful, cry loudly for weeks.

I totally agree. My children and I are having a difficult time at the moment with a sudden house move and a bereavement. I’ve promised them each a pair of Christmas pyjamas and a Christmas perfume for 1st December. I hope this doesn’t mean I’m a narcissist

Ah, see, I think that's actually a really good gift. I have an early November birthday too, and would love that. (You could just rip in if you didn't want to wait 🤣)

She didn’t have to get you anything at the end of the day… that’s why people who are bothered about the presents they receive weird me out to be honest.

But anyone whose birthday is in November, I think Christmas gifts and advent calendars make great gifts as you get full use out of them! If you get them in December or for Christmas, you barely use them until next year. So maybe it’s more considerate than you think. Or could be a funny little quirk - I don’t like cats but one auntie always buys me cat things. I don’t mind because it makes her happy, it’s her quirk, and who does it hurt?

We don’t do gifts (or Xmas) after the first Xmas when PIL gave me (20-something building a career in The City) a recipe teatowel.

I left it there, genuinely confused as to why on earth they thought I would want that.

When they called now-DH (we were a 4 hour drive away) to say I’d forgotten it, he suggested we don’t do gifts again. The rule holds over 20 years later.

Absolutely no idea why anyone would have been bowled over or grateful for that as a gift.

I honestly don't know because she knows I'm not a big fan of Christmas you see, and she knew that years ago and when DH and I got engaged she would give me birthday presents (which was v generous of her) and almost one was Christmas themed. It's ramped up this year and this year it is all Christmas themed. Nothing was not Christmas themed. Despite knowing that I'm not a big Christmas person.

However I do have a generally good relationship with my MIL, like I said, she is a bit of a drama queen about things and falls out with people quite a lot, it's always their fault (so she says but I always feel like there are two sides), so I avoid confrontation as I don't actually want to fall out with her.

She is very generous with gifts and usually I help DH with her birthday which is almost always her favourite things. Molton brown, her favourite sweets, etc. We have a good relationship so that's why I'm confused why it's now ramped up to all Christmas stuff when she knows Christmas isn't my thing.

It might genuinely be she's not realising this, but I couldn't tell her as I wouldn't want to upset her.

And again for those at the back, I absolutely loved and totally appreciated the Boots advent calendar that she got me one of the years. I was very happy and I loved it and thanked her for it a lot. It may be one of the reasons why she kept going with Christmas themed stuff!

I'm actually coming up with a solution as I type this; I could say as my birthday comes round next year that I loved the boots calendar then that means she might get that again, be delighted with my delight (she is happy with gifting) and it's not plastic Christmas plates or tea towels (btw also I already have Christmas tea towels she bought me for Christmas 😄). Win win!

Thank you also for the harsh wake up call. I was having a bit of a wine soaked moan on a Saturday night and I've realised that this is just a stupid thing and there are worse things to feel a bit irked about ❤️

I actually thought about a Christmas themed gift for one of my friends today. Her birthday is in a couple of weeks and I thought she could enjoy it in the run up to Christmas. After reading this I'm thinking it's probably not a good idea 😂

It’s a weird thing to do, alright. But also quite hilarious.

TBF maybe she goes round the shops and gets a bit giddy with all the Xmas stock. Some people really struggle to choose gifts and get ideas from displays. It may be some sort of strange nastiness, but it’s most likely well-meant, but unthinking of how it makes you feel.

I wouldn’t say anything if she’s easily hurt or trying to make some sort of point. Just say thanks and have a laugh about it to yourself or trusted friends after. I wouldn’t say anything to your DH, as it’s a bit disrespectful to his mum and he may say something to her. But if your DH thinks it’s a bit off, then he could maybe casually ask her what’s she’s planning on getting you ahead of your next birthday and make some suggestions.

You could sell anything you don’t want on Vinted or eBay. Likely to get a fair bit for it with tags and labels still on ahead of Xmas. Then use the proceeds to treat yourself to something more appropriate.

If her birthday is around Easter, you don't give her St. Patrick's Day stuff (unless she or her family would be Irish or of Irish descent), you get her Valentine's Day stuff as her birthday present.

People seem to have a surprisingly high bar for gifts. Apart from my partner, best friend and adult DC, I tend to accept that it's going to be 50/50 if I get something I really like. Most things I wouldn't choose are inoffensive and can be put to some use. Anything terrible can get donated. It wouldn't occur to me to make a big palaver out of telling them to buy better stuff. It doesn't matter really does it? It's only a token and tradition.

@Candymay but I'm not talking about "token" gifts from people you don't know very well - I'm talking about FAMILY gifts.
Family should know each other or at least talk to each other.

I don't really see the problem with this. Saves you buying one for yourself and you'll get use out of it.

Because why would I want a token gift that is of no use or pleasure to me? That’s you gift giving so you feel good. As you say in your post. ‘Suck all the joy out of giving a gift’.
I once got given, for my November birthday, a free gift from the summer bumper edition of a magazine (flip flops, eye mask, dried up mascara etc) from a magazine that had been out of print for about a decade at that point. And you’re saying I should be grateful??

It’s an utter waste of time and money though.

A £20 gift might fetch a fiver, if they’re lucky, for a charity shop. I’d much prefer the £20 went to charity than be given tat for the sake of it.

Could you wrap some of what she got you up and give it to her or BIL for Christmas then at her birthday buy Easter themed bits and make some big joke about it!!

With a side of mince pies.

Well no wonder you left it behind. A tea towel for someone 20 years building a career in the city? What were they thinking?

you missed out on your manners. You don’t need to be bowled over by a gift in order to accept it.

no wonder they don’t buy you anything now. I would be so unhappy to have you in my family