It was my birthday yesterday, MIL bought me Christmas themed stuff

[HagsRule]

I feel ungrateful even creating this thread, but it has been bugging me all day. AIBU to feel this way? Is this weird?

Basically, it was my birthday yesterday and MIL came over today with presents for me. Over the past 5 or 6 years I've received at least one Christmas themed present for my birthday from MIL which I've thought was odd since it is almost 2 months before Christmas and I'm not really a big Christmas fan anyway.

After she did it again last year on my birthday I maybe didn't receive the Christmas themed plates and glasses as enthusiastically as she'd expected. Just to clarify I always say thank you and haven't said anything as I don't want to upset anybody and come across as ungrateful. Even posting this I feel guilty! But anyway, maybe last year my face slipped or something and I gave myself away because this year for my birthday every single present was Christmas themed and my BIL (her other son) also gave me entirely Christmas themed presents bar one book. I suspect BIL got help from his mum to buy his presents as when he handed the parcel to me he checked with his mum first to make sure that was the right gift to give me (he's almost 40 fyi).

Is she trolling me now? She must have picked up on me feeling a bit irked by it last year so she's ramped it up this year. My DH is also annoyed on my behalf and at lunch today said something about Christmas not even being on our radar until December (which to be fair is true). She looked annoyed that he said this.

Should I just suck this weird gift thing up forever more? I mean, it's just so random and I think I'd understand more if she bought me Halloween themed tat since that's the day before my birthday, but Christmas stuff? It makes even less sense.

You’ve just described ingratitude but

Do you genuinely think your MiL is deliberately buying you Christmas stuff to upset you? Spending time and money to gift you badly as an act of aggression? Because if so that's quite extreme hostility. Or do you think she maybe buys Christmas gifts in the January sales and is being thrifty? Or loves Christmas paraphernalia and thinks theyre nice gifts? Or is just a bit eccentric? Because unless you're pretty sure it's the first, then you shouldn't say anything but thank you. Because truly, who needs to create drama by being rude or snidey because they dont like their birthday present?

@Candymay but why should I appreciate being given something I have no need for, won't use or simply don't want?
It's not really a gift then is it? A gift should be something nice for the person recieving it. Otherwise it's a waste.
I would prefer no gift at all than something I don't want.
If someone is going to go to the effort to give me a gift I don't really want something random thanks.

Yes I think that's a shame too. It's perfectly possible for both the MIL to have tried her best and for the OP to be frustrated or upset at feeling her MIL has been thoughtless in her gift giving.

I think name calling or saying bad things about the character of either person is a shame but I see it all the time on here nowadays. More than a few years ago.

A beauty advent calendar is a lovely present and not cheap. I would be delighted.

I totally agree. I think these gifts are joyful. I would have no idea that it may be a sign or symptom of some hideous malevolence that the recipient of the gift should think about suitable revenge. Pardon me for getting this wrong

In the spirit of Christmas, next year write a list (with links) of things you would love but are not able to buy for yourself and share it with everyone. You can also get Hubbie to share and say he asked you to write a list for this year. Good luck!

You sound lovely. People are so relentlessly negative and looking for reasons to be offended or see slights where there are none.

@Searchingforthelight
A birthday at end of October and you would gift xmas tea towels, that's not cute or nice, it's thoughtless, would you do this in July?
Everyone is allowed their day, my friend who has a Xmas eve birthday hated it growing up when they were gifted xmas items or one gift with that's for your birthday and xmas, why? just why.
It's lazy and thoughtless.

@Candymay it's wrong if you don't actually know if the person you are giving the gifts to will actually like/want them.
I actually do like Christmas themed things (personally would prefer a Lego Advent Calendar than a beauty one 😂) but the OP would rather she's listened to when she says she doesn't want a gift like that.

But is that the spirit of Christmas? I want I want I want. Maybe it is. Not for me though

Absolutely.

Sometimes MN is so depressing. So many people poised like rat traps ready to go off.

That’s quite nice though imho. So you get to start it at the end of November?

I was being humourous! Slightly ironic. A tad sarcastic. 🙄

Smile and donate its an unwanted gift let her waste her money, it's almost never worth an argument with partners family

Exactly this! There's enough waste in the world as it is. Also having worked in retail many years ago, you hear the conversations people have at tills. It's harsh out there!

Easy out, get your dh to tell his brother that you do not want Christmas themed tripe next year from him and he’ll tell your mil, if dh doesn’t have the balls to do it. It’s weird to give only Christmas themed stuff this early. I’d definitely do what pp said, give only Easter theme stuff for hers, or better yet, tell her you’re no longer doing adult presents. My bil bought weird stuff-wine glasses holding a pint, a 3ft high ceramic plant soil full of soil/bulbs that we had to transport 3 hours home, god knows how we got it in the car!

But I could never imagine somebody, anybody buying me a gift and my ever thinking they were ‘wrong’ to not get me something else instead. I’m incredibly touched and grateful for every gift I’ve ever received. The unexpected ones especially. I don’t have a list that I expect to be fulfilled. It’s the gesture

Thank you, I just think loads of people haven't read past me saying I got that one year and jumped on me to say how ungrateful I am for not liking that so needed to keep saying I totally LOVED the calendar and was very grateful for that gift that particular year.

It's the other constant stuff that's odd as she knows I'm not that big on Christmas and I have a lot of Christmas decor already (funnily enough also bought by her and her sister over the years) and it is adding to the hoard. I am the opposite of a hoarder as well and we don't have a garage and a small loft so the constant Christmas stuff which is now happening at my birthday almost 2 months prior to Christmas and I also get bought more Christmas stuff (a giant Santa one year btw) at actual Christmas is just making me a bit overwhelmed.

@Candymay not "I want" but "I would enjoy" or "I would like" is ok surely?
I mean I want a Lego train set. I won't get one because it's too expensive and I don't have the space. But I would enjoy some new paperbacks or some chocolate bars. I'm not demanding books and chocolates though - just saying a preference.

Mil, I’m not having birthday presents this year, there’s just too much consumerism . A donation to my favourite charity would be lovely.

Mil I’m not having birthday presents this year, I have so much. I would love some tins, packets from this list for the local food bank.

Then if you get given tat look sad, shake your head slightly, oh but the donkey charity won’t be able to feed the donkeys now ( your voice breaks slightly at this point)

Oooh sorry. I totally missed that. Although in my defence many posters before you had the same sentiment and I don’t think they were being ironic or humorous. Maybe they were though?

so for every poster here who said the op should ask for what she wants. Should regift the ‘tat’ back to mil. Should buy mil rubbish gifts if she doesn’t get better gifts herself, you were joking right? Ironic? Humorous? That would make a lot more sense

Just wondering if there is anything you could re-gift (outside your family circle, of course)?
And whether of not you could lovingly gift her a holiday themed item fir the holiday closest her birthday? She's given you such good ideas. 😜

Could you mention to her at some point next year that you have loads of stuff for xmas now thanks to her generosity and that you now need Halloween decs 😅 ? Seriously I’d just take it to the charity shop it’s not worth an argument. A present is a present.

@Candymay but if you are given something you really can't use don't you ever think "I wish they'd got me X instead".
Are you really grateful for EVERYTHING you've been given?
I mean somebody could buy me a ten thousand pound car. Would I be grateful? No - because I can't drive 😂 It's a completely pointless gift.
Or gardening equipment? No because I live in a flat.
Etc.