It was my birthday yesterday, MIL bought me Christmas themed stuff

[HagsRule]

I feel ungrateful even creating this thread, but it has been bugging me all day. AIBU to feel this way? Is this weird?

Basically, it was my birthday yesterday and MIL came over today with presents for me. Over the past 5 or 6 years I've received at least one Christmas themed present for my birthday from MIL which I've thought was odd since it is almost 2 months before Christmas and I'm not really a big Christmas fan anyway.

After she did it again last year on my birthday I maybe didn't receive the Christmas themed plates and glasses as enthusiastically as she'd expected. Just to clarify I always say thank you and haven't said anything as I don't want to upset anybody and come across as ungrateful. Even posting this I feel guilty! But anyway, maybe last year my face slipped or something and I gave myself away because this year for my birthday every single present was Christmas themed and my BIL (her other son) also gave me entirely Christmas themed presents bar one book. I suspect BIL got help from his mum to buy his presents as when he handed the parcel to me he checked with his mum first to make sure that was the right gift to give me (he's almost 40 fyi).

Is she trolling me now? She must have picked up on me feeling a bit irked by it last year so she's ramped it up this year. My DH is also annoyed on my behalf and at lunch today said something about Christmas not even being on our radar until December (which to be fair is true). She looked annoyed that he said this.

Should I just suck this weird gift thing up forever more? I mean, it's just so random and I think I'd understand more if she bought me Halloween themed tat since that's the day before my birthday, but Christmas stuff? It makes even less sense.

@JLou08 noooo it’s a great idea! My birthday is 5th December and I love getting Christmas things as I can get full use out of them. Plus otherwise I’d have to buy my own, but I wouldn’t and would miss out on all the fun because I have a house to renovate 🤣

My DM is an impulsive crap buyer. Hardened to it since I was a child. My DB is the same - runs area discount store Xmas eve & grabs rubbish. Last year he bought DD8 an adult level paint by numbers obviously grabbed from Aldi last minute. Nothing will change it, I'll be the bad guy if I say anything.

I just have low expectations, say thank you politely & move it on. Usually it goes into our charity box unless someone else wants it. I also buy with the effort given. Ironically I get thinly veiled disappointed looks if it's not a fabulous gift, & DM cries about DB's lack of effort!

Mostly we've gotten everyone to agree to no adult gift giving.

Agree totally - don’t be put of by the ungracious.

She's done the whole Christmas themed thing this year to annoy you.
For her Christmas, get her an Easter egg. Or a valentine's themed gift. They'll be putting them out on Christmas eve in some shops...

Everything Easter then.

I get that. But unless you bite the bullet and go "gift free" that's the way it is.

@Candymay I really cannot believe you are 100% grateful for every single gift you receive.
If you're a vegetarian are you grateful for a box of steaks?
Allergic to nuts? Grateful for a crate of chocolate full of nuts?
Don't have a garden? Grateful for being gifted a wheelbarrow?
You're a Size 12 in clothes. Grateful for a size 24 t-shirt?
Really? Really......come on.....be honest 😂

If you liked the Boots advent calendar is there any way to steer her back to that as an annual thing or maybe the Marks & Spencer advent calendar?

I had to take the bull by the horns and say that I didn’t need any more anti wrinkle cream after getting it every year for birthdays and Christmas 😂. Enlist DH to suggest things you like to her for Christmas and be effusive in your thanks and hopefully the penny will drop.

I'd just accept that she's always getting you shite gifts. Just don't have any expectations at all. My MIL's were always cheap tat - like she didn't know me at all. Worse, the kids' presents were always deeply unsuitable. TBF she knew them even less! I always knew before I opened it that I'd hate it. She went on a long haul, extended holiday once and bought me a tea towel. She must have realised she was treating me like shit because it was accompanied by a reduced-price bottle of wine from Tesco!!

My DM was the opposite. Plus she was hell for buying things and then never using them, so I used to ask her every year if she had anything that would do MIL. Invariably she had - and it was always nice stuff!!

This seems like such a mad take on it though.
a paranoid perspective.
maybe I’m in the minority here but I cannot understand this attitude and spite coming from simply receiving gifts you don’t like

@Candymay no I agree with you.
Obviously it's really lovely to get nice, thoughtful gifts. And I've been ina. Situation where my ex husband's family wouldn't even buy me anything... so I get it. But surely as adults we can't be making comments on gifts people have bought us. I

Are any of those examples of gifts you’ve bought or received? Mad examples to make a point. The point fails

It was tongue in cheek, mainly. Although tempting if I had a mil that I didn't particularly get on with.
Mine got me earrings one Christmas. My ears aren't done. She was mortified and took me to get a different present from the jewellers. I read threads like this and realise my good fortune.

I’m missing the people who are joking because there are so many saying these things seriously.

Families just love it when someone marries in and takes over with this sort of authoritarian approach. 🙄

@Candymay I see it as a family member doesn't actually care about you as a person if they just buy any old random stuff that they don't know if you will want it - or worse if they do know it's not your thing.
Families shouldn't treat each other like that. It's nasty and a bit bitchy to me.

Yeah, and in my last post I made on this thread (on the last page) I kind of came up with that as a solution since I did absolutely love and appreciate the Boots advent calendar at the time (and thanked her a lot at the time and was v grateful), so probably the best bet is to steer her towards that kind of thing from now on!

Getting more Christmas tea towels and Christmas plastic plates and such was just a bit hard to understand today. She actually joked I know you have Christmas tea towels already from me but here's more! Maybe she just genuinely just loves Christmas. Because I don't, it's just not really on my radar as much and I'm not even thinking about Christmas right now whatsoever. I only think about it about the 15th Dec when I need to start organising for the kids! 😄

Me and DH always make sure she gets her lovely molton brown and posh sweeties and her favourite things (which we check with her and ask what she'd like beforehand) for her birthday in march. I just don't know why this keeps happening. However I just know if I asked directly she would be v upset. So as above, I'm going to do a steer with help from DH for next time.

I must admit that I always give DP a Lego Star Wars advent calendar for his late November birthday. I buy non Christmas stuff too of course.

Boots advent calendar is a nice gift and not that early

absolutely this!

@Candymay the examples I gave haven't happened to me because shockingly in my family we talk to each other and find out what we would actually like as gifts.
But reading the many many threads on mumsnet like this one it seems it does happen an awful lot to people.
Christmas and Boxing Day this forum is going to be FULL of such threads 😂

for my birthday every single present was Christmas themed and my BIL (her other son) also gave me entirely Christmas themed presents bar one book

Just how many birthday gifts are they buying you?! Surely one book is enough from your BIL?

It’s a gift. which means that it’s an extra that she’s giving you. Not something she owes you.
I get that you don’t like it, so just pass it forward or donate. At least she tried!

For a March birthday I would definitely buy her a Christmas-themed jumper, ideally a man's, in the January sales.

I'd have less no input in buying her birthday gifts anymore. Leave it all to your DH. Or if you do really want to buy for her, just stick to random Easter stuff, and wouldn't be pandering to her list of wants!

Then sell off all the tat she gives you online.