It was my birthday yesterday, MIL bought me Christmas themed stuff

[HagsRule]

I feel ungrateful even creating this thread, but it has been bugging me all day. AIBU to feel this way? Is this weird?

Basically, it was my birthday yesterday and MIL came over today with presents for me. Over the past 5 or 6 years I've received at least one Christmas themed present for my birthday from MIL which I've thought was odd since it is almost 2 months before Christmas and I'm not really a big Christmas fan anyway.

After she did it again last year on my birthday I maybe didn't receive the Christmas themed plates and glasses as enthusiastically as she'd expected. Just to clarify I always say thank you and haven't said anything as I don't want to upset anybody and come across as ungrateful. Even posting this I feel guilty! But anyway, maybe last year my face slipped or something and I gave myself away because this year for my birthday every single present was Christmas themed and my BIL (her other son) also gave me entirely Christmas themed presents bar one book. I suspect BIL got help from his mum to buy his presents as when he handed the parcel to me he checked with his mum first to make sure that was the right gift to give me (he's almost 40 fyi).

Is she trolling me now? She must have picked up on me feeling a bit irked by it last year so she's ramped it up this year. My DH is also annoyed on my behalf and at lunch today said something about Christmas not even being on our radar until December (which to be fair is true). She looked annoyed that he said this.

Should I just suck this weird gift thing up forever more? I mean, it's just so random and I think I'd understand more if she bought me Halloween themed tat since that's the day before my birthday, but Christmas stuff? It makes even less sense.

OP there are starving children in other countries who would love a boots advent calendar to snuggle up to!!!!!!

IM JOKING, I’ve had this crap on threads of my own where they get a bee in their bonnet from one comment, don’t read any updates and go straight to comment. Well done on your solution, it’s very rational, which isn’t easy, but in the real world we can’t always throw a grenade into our own lives.

I also have a mother and father in law who are batshit when giving gifts but theirs all come from their stock of hoarded bootsale junk and things fished out of skips, luckily for me I quite like me some interesting gifts, but if I thought about it too hard I’d probably get quite offended. Many have quietly gone off to the tip over the years, where they probably were destined for by whoever threw them out 😂

My mil learnt this early on.
My dh used to joke to her I was the charity shop queen.
She soon got the hint.
I'd read Karen Kingstons 'clear your clutter'
It was very liberating.

This is one of the reasons why I’m thankful we no longer do adult gifting to each other in the family. It’s a total waste of money buying and receiving tut every birthday and Christmas!

I'd ignore @HagsRule lots of people don't read op updates and so repeat the same points. That's their problem.

Hi, thanks @cookiebee and @Toomanywars I've seen it happen on other threads but I didn't appreciate how frustrating it was until I started my own thread! 😄

Ah the quirks of family eh?! I am glad I started this thread though, tipsy and a bit Christmas triggered lol. It's made me realise there's no point to reacting and I've got a great solution for next year too. Also I think after speaking to DH we can have a private laugh once Christmas day comes round; guessing what themed stuff I'll also be getting then! 😄

You'll probably get Easter eggs for Christmas 🎄 😉

I wish my family would be on board with that. My sibling wasn't amused and has taken offence 🙄 honestly!

No is a complete sentence.

We did a secret Santa for a couple of years but 3 of the 5 on my side are an absolute nightmare to buy for so we knocked that on the head about 8 years ago. They can still do gifts if they want but we don’t give or expect gifts anymore.

Get them to explain why they are so exercised about it. With a bit of luck they will realise how ridiculous they’re being.

Buy all her Birthday presents in the sales so it has Christmas packaging on it. O, not suggesting buying her tat. Buy beauty products, smellies etc but ones that are Christmas themed. when you give her the gifts tell her you know how much she loves Christmas coz of the gifts she buys you so you wanted to bring Christmas to her again.

Or if you want to be an utter Bitch you could wrap up the Tea towels & coasters she bought you & give her those for her Birthday.

Your advent calendar sounds grear and I would love it! She loves Christmas and wants to share it with you. Yes you are being ungrateful.

In what world is it not bargain basement behaviour to wrap up someone’s gift and give it back to them?! People keep suggesting that, but it’s race to the bottom behaviour.

If you are that desperate to convey that you hate the gifts, it would be better to just say it. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I personally can’t understand how people invest so much anger in getting a gift they don’t want. Surely people aren’t dependent on their MIL to that extent to provide the little things they want in life?Just ignore it and buy what you want; if you can’t rise above the disappointment enough that you can’t face getting them something they’d like then don’t. But re-gifting her gift is just an obviously twatty move.

@Dovecare my daughter loves horror movies and I hate them with a passion - so if she bought me a bunch of horror related stuff I should be by your theory be grateful ??

I think it’s a bit different if they actually know you hate it.

But if your daughter doesn’t know, and you know she thinks they are great, then I guess … yes.

@Calliopespa but the OP has apparently told her mother in law that she isn't majorly into Christmas.
So why on earth does her MiL do this?

A common theme seems to be developing. 1. Waste of money. 2. Environmentally unfriendly.

1. If the gift giver doesn't consider it a waste of money, then it isn't. Nobody else has the right to criticise.

1. A lot of unwanted gifts are regifted or given to charity. If some wind up in landfill then that's a different issue. People who throw away their presents are probably disposing of other stuff inappropriately.

A couple of other points: a) Shops rely on Christmas spending. If huge numbers of people boycotted Christmas gifts simply because they might give or receive things that weren't liked, there might be job losses, and if people applied that same logic to birthdays throughout the year, shops would struggle even more; b) Why do we have to be relentlessly practical? Isn't there room in life for some frivolity, for the fun of opening parcels, even if you suspect the contents might provoke a wry smile!

@Idontpostmuch no one needs to boycott shops and buying - they just need to ask each other if there's anything particular they would like as a gift.
Wish lists = no unwanted presents and everyone happy !

Yes, but if everything went that way, some of the fun and mystic would leave, and such a hard-headed business type attitude defeats the purpose of gift giving as part if the point of it is to think about other people and what they might like. Otherwise you might as well work out how many people are likely to give you presents, and buy that number for yourself, instructing others to do likewise. I any case, I was referring to posters who had suggested ditching present giving for all adults on lists. They didn't suggest asking people what they wanted, so you're not really replying to my post.

I'm another one who finds joy in a tea towel! Send your unwanted tea towel gifts this way. My favourite has an Italian recipe for Limoncello.

@Idontpostmuch is part of gift giving really about thinking what someone might like?
I see it more as twice a year (birthdays and Christmas) a person gets a treat.
Isn't it better to be certain the treat is actually something the person wants?

My DH loves really strong whisky and blue steak. I don’t drink and have not eaten meat for 35 years.

He can want to share them all he wants, but that’s not something I should have to be grateful for.

Like what you like but don’t try and make me like it.

My DH was given a tea towel by his aunt. A jokey one, and he liked it.

Love it

Don't we all need more lego! There's never enough of the right size or colour. I've given children lots of lego as presents but perhaps they hated it 🙄. Anyway, I see your point, but I'd feel disappointed if I had to tell everyone what I wanted. I like surprises and the last thing I want is to have to do other people's Xmas shopping by proxy while I'm concentrating on doing my own Xmas shopping. However, where possible I enclose gift receipts so recipients can exchange if they want.

@Idontpostmuch I'll never have enough Lego 😂
Although unfortunately I don't have enough space either 😭
I do like getting some surprises. A few years back me and my sister decided to buy each other 3 random books (we both wanted to try some new writers/genres). That was quite fun.

Your assertion that if people who know you and love you get you something they knew you would hate or be scared of you'd smile and say thank you isn't the right way to be surely. Why would you not be unhappy at their lack of thought? Whiff of martyr or people pleaser, neither of which are healthy.

Haughty as an insult is funny though. I'd take it as a compliment personally.