It was my birthday yesterday, MIL bought me Christmas themed stuff

[HagsRule]

I feel ungrateful even creating this thread, but it has been bugging me all day. AIBU to feel this way? Is this weird?

Basically, it was my birthday yesterday and MIL came over today with presents for me. Over the past 5 or 6 years I've received at least one Christmas themed present for my birthday from MIL which I've thought was odd since it is almost 2 months before Christmas and I'm not really a big Christmas fan anyway.

After she did it again last year on my birthday I maybe didn't receive the Christmas themed plates and glasses as enthusiastically as she'd expected. Just to clarify I always say thank you and haven't said anything as I don't want to upset anybody and come across as ungrateful. Even posting this I feel guilty! But anyway, maybe last year my face slipped or something and I gave myself away because this year for my birthday every single present was Christmas themed and my BIL (her other son) also gave me entirely Christmas themed presents bar one book. I suspect BIL got help from his mum to buy his presents as when he handed the parcel to me he checked with his mum first to make sure that was the right gift to give me (he's almost 40 fyi).

Is she trolling me now? She must have picked up on me feeling a bit irked by it last year so she's ramped it up this year. My DH is also annoyed on my behalf and at lunch today said something about Christmas not even being on our radar until December (which to be fair is true). She looked annoyed that he said this.

Should I just suck this weird gift thing up forever more? I mean, it's just so random and I think I'd understand more if she bought me Halloween themed tat since that's the day before my birthday, but Christmas stuff? It makes even less sense.

I would rewrap it all and gift it back to her for Christmas !

I think it’s an in-laws thing! Many years ago I liked Eternity perfume. MIL found out and got me bottle for birthday, which was greatly received. But following year, got it again, and again, and again. By this time, I had moved onto a new favourite. In fact, at this point hated Eternity! In general conversation, ie she asked what perfume I had on. Great, I thought but guess what? next birthday got another bottle of Eternity. All I all, think I got it about 7 years running! DC’s school got bottles for prizes in various fairs. One year I went into a large well-known chemist and asked if they would exchange it for my favourite perfume, and, as it was more expensive, to my surprise, they did. But, horror of horrors, when DH finally told MIL I’d exchanged it, she told him that it wasn’t even the real stuff, it was that rip-off stuff!!

I'd resign myself to the fact that I'm not going to have a present off her that I like/want and so I've decided to drop everything I don't like/want at the charity shop

This is way bigger than the birthday problem.

But I would definitely buy her sale priced Hallowe'en items for Christmas this year and a Christmas jumper for her birthday.

Do you give away the Christmas tat? I would cart it all to a charity shop and donate it.

The good bit here is that your H has your back. How much rocking the boat is he up for?

Very odd, it's like me getting Christmas stuff from my birthday the day after boxing day. I would get OH to mention a book or gift card would suit better than a gift..

I didn't feel weird about a present my child got u til I saw your thread! They received a Christmas advent calendar dar for their birthday in September!!!

It is odd, and next time you should just give for example Easter hotel Chocolat chocolates. They are nice enough not to complain about, and weird enough to get her thinking :)

Probably why you’d started hating it! 🤣

My birthday is end of March. I can always tell when DB leaves it to SIL to sort my present because I get left over Christmas things. Festive mug & fluffy socks one year, boxed set of scarf and bath foam from a high St store including a voucher for 10% off when used by the end of January - not much use 2 months out of date!
I'd be buying the Molten Brown and favourite sweets that you usually buy her now so that they're in festive packaging and save them till her birthday!

I'd love that & wouldn't think it an odd birthday gift! Plates, mugs etc, maybe. I think you should just keep accepting her gifts, whatever they are and gift them to charity if you don't like them, especially if she's 'difficult'. Enjoy whatever other people buy you instead.

Rewrap them and give them to her for her birthday in March.

I think pretending you love them would annoy her more than you saying anything bad. She sounds like a narcissist who wants you to be annoyed. Use the gifts and make out how amazing they are

Give them back to her for Christmas 😈

Why don't you just agree between all of you not to give presents to adults any more? That's what loads of people do - makes sense, saves waste and stuff in landfill, helps COL etc. Presents are for kids...... (and between partners, if you want, but no wider).

Or maybe have a £10 limit so just a token gesture?

Then you won't care if it is thoughtless crap.....😀

Save up all the Christmas presents and gift them back to her in a few years time so she’s probably forgotten she bought them for you!

I turned 40 this year and didn't get a single present from anyone so it's hard for me to feel sorry for you. Christmas themed plates & glasses sounds wonderful

@Teenagehorrorbag why £10 for a "token" present?
Why not £10 on something the gift receiver actually will want and enjoy?

This is sort of a what I said yesterday. I told my family not to buy me presents for Xmas, birthdays, Mothers day. I've never regretted it. I have grandchildren who I want to have a liveable world for the future, not stuff a load of tat in landfill and ruin the environment. Each to their own but I give usable things (spices I know they'll use, soap I know they'll use etc), some money or vouchers

Sorry - I didn't mean it should be rubbish. Ideally yes - spend a set limit on something you think the person will enjoy. But if they have form for ignoring your wishes and doing their own thing, you won't feel bad that a huge amount has been spent on something that you are going to give to charity....

To be honest I wouldn't have a problem receiving a Boots beauty advent calendar for my birthday. I think it's a lovely gift. My twins birthdays are on 31 October and they received Lego advent calendars when they were younger and as they got a bit older they received Body Shop advent calendars and they loved them . All sounds a bit petty to me

I can totally understand why you’d certainly feel that way, Birthdays are about celebrating the fact that it’s finally your day, not the fact that Christmas is a month early. To be honest, its starting to seem like she’s double down, perhaps because it’s a quirky tradition
and then perhaps, even if it keeps bothering you, drop a hint to something more 'you' next year. your are not being unreasonable at all

Actually I think that your DH needs to tell her directly to knock if off. My mother had a birthday in mid December and our rule was no Christmas anything until after her birthday. Maybe you need to make it a rule in your family?

It's the thought that counts. I think it's a good idea because you can use the Christmas stuff through November and December, otherwise Christmas themed stuff bought just for a week or two is a waste, IMO. I love Christmas, and maybe she's an excited Christmas fanatic and she wants you to be a part of that? Appreciate that she's trying to connect with you and maybe teasing you a bit. Buy her an Easter egg for Christmas, but open it with her and have a giggle. Don't die on this jolly hill.

Omg I'm actually going to cry with frustration soon; I've said so so many times in my replies to people on this thread that I absolutely loved and appreciated the Boots advent calendar that I got for that particular birthday that year. I thanked her and was very grateful, it was very generous of her. I'm thinking now that maybe my (genuine) enthusiasm for that Christmas themed gift has now spurred her on to go even more mental for the theme, which is a bit awkward for me.

The calendar is not what I got irked about; it's that she knows I don't like Christmas very much, I've said this on the run up to Christmas quite a lot over the years. So has DH; he is also the same as me and not that bothered about Christmas. We love seeing the kids excited but for us we don't need anything really, so we are happy just being with the family.

We've also said this to MIL quite frequently and she rolls her eyes and disagrees and will say that our feelings are ridiculous. Which then makes me feel guilty so I just suck it up and accept all the Christmas themed stuff on Christmas day. What started happening is I got MORE Christmas stuff 2 months before; on my birthday too. Also I'm not a hoarder and I hate clutter. She also knows this. I've received Christmas themed gifts on 1st Nov for my birthday (almost 2 months before Christmas) for about 5 years now and have dropped quite heavy hints for different presents as has DH to no avail.

This year it included repeat Christmas items that I already have that she bought for me at Christmas last year.

I came up with a solution last night after reading through this thread; I'm going to hint for the advent calendar next year as I did love it (and it keeps MIL happy as it's still Christmas themed as she clearly likes it to be), I can get use out of it and it won't just be shoved up in the loft with all the other Christmas themed stuff to pile higher and higher every year.

@HagsRule don't hint for one next year - TELL HER you want one !
I don't care if some on this thread think that's rude or grabby - just do it 🙂

Thanks, I think maybe I will just tell her as suggested @Needmorelego. Unfortunately if I say I don't want anything Christmas themed next year she will be v v upset and it will be a 'big thing' and I don't want that, I hate conflict so it's been gentle hints over past 5 years and after a few wines last night I started this thread as I think the fact that this year was entirely Christmas themed stuff and also repeat Christmas stuff I already have (from MIL) it just tipped me over the edge.

And again, I loved the beauty calendar the year that was given, so I'm going to suggest that as an option for next year. Also, she loves gifting so the year I tried a "no presents" approach, it went down like a lead balloon. It's a delicate balancing act haha