It was my birthday yesterday, MIL bought me Christmas themed stuff

[HagsRule]

I feel ungrateful even creating this thread, but it has been bugging me all day. AIBU to feel this way? Is this weird?

Basically, it was my birthday yesterday and MIL came over today with presents for me. Over the past 5 or 6 years I've received at least one Christmas themed present for my birthday from MIL which I've thought was odd since it is almost 2 months before Christmas and I'm not really a big Christmas fan anyway.

After she did it again last year on my birthday I maybe didn't receive the Christmas themed plates and glasses as enthusiastically as she'd expected. Just to clarify I always say thank you and haven't said anything as I don't want to upset anybody and come across as ungrateful. Even posting this I feel guilty! But anyway, maybe last year my face slipped or something and I gave myself away because this year for my birthday every single present was Christmas themed and my BIL (her other son) also gave me entirely Christmas themed presents bar one book. I suspect BIL got help from his mum to buy his presents as when he handed the parcel to me he checked with his mum first to make sure that was the right gift to give me (he's almost 40 fyi).

Is she trolling me now? She must have picked up on me feeling a bit irked by it last year so she's ramped it up this year. My DH is also annoyed on my behalf and at lunch today said something about Christmas not even being on our radar until December (which to be fair is true). She looked annoyed that he said this.

Should I just suck this weird gift thing up forever more? I mean, it's just so random and I think I'd understand more if she bought me Halloween themed tat since that's the day before my birthday, but Christmas stuff? It makes even less sense.

It's annoying having a birthday close to Christmas 😕 I'm end of November. I'm fed up with Dove, Nivea, tubs of celebrations, calendars, etc every year and then again at Christmas. No thought goes into present buying from my family even DH, who hates shopping in person . Two thirds of toiletteries end up in the food bank trolley at my local Asda.

OP, if her birthday is March, maybe some Easter Eggs and a stuffed cuddly rabbit 🐰then?

Btw I do understand as my mum gives me very weird presents at times! For Xmas last year I got second hand stuff from a charity shop (nothing wrong with that but all I got and nothing I’d use). And in one of our birthday parcels (live away so all posted, I think it was in the october parcel that year) I had packs of Christmas cards, a Christmas countdown etc enclosed for me! Very bizarre as my mum knows I do not like Christmas!

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That sounds quite an OTT reaction to your PIL's gift. We exchange modest gifts as a family, and at no time in my life would I have been put out by receiving a recipe tea towel. Whatever my career/ living/ financial/ relationship/ family situation, I've always needed to dry up. Not sure what you found so offensive about it, but to leave it behind to make a point is a bit much.

No, It needs to be Easter, Halloween or Christmas. Something far enough away to make the point. Ditto for BIL. Get him Halloween stuff. If they question you, just say, "I'm just going along with the family theme. I assume you all would enjoy it as much as I do on my birthday."

Maybe she thinks you live Christmas as you’re grateful for the gifts :-) maybe hint that you would love the Boots Advent Calendar next year. Alternatively you could try and say thank you so much for all the lovely Christmas gifts they are all amazing but I don’t need anymore as I have everything I need (for next year)

It’s one of the rudest things I’ve heard for quite some time.

I’ve also had a high-powered background but never has it made me so stuck up I’d have behaved like that over a teatowrl. Everyone has to wash up sometimes and one teatowel is as good as another. Some people find those recipe teatowels charming. It isn’t the rest of the world’s job to predict your taste. They probably weren’t sure so thought they couldn’t go wrong with something useful.

I can’t believe you just left it behind - and you seem kind of smug about the way you handled it. Your DH sounds as bad.

Agreed. That poster is awful.

It's interesting that you calculate whether gifts are "worthy of your gratitude" or not.

I suggest that if you are truly building your career you learn some manners.

What sort of stuff does she buy your husband?

I've always found present buying hard as unless "directed" I find myself getting stuff I'd like myself.

I would feel like not doing it anymore & putting in the thought & effort that she does-none!

@Candymay I’m interested in your take on this situation?

Mines a Halloween birthday and I got a few Christmas things including
A gorgeous glass liberty bauble. If I'd got it for Christmas it wouldn't have been up on the tree long. And it's quite sensible to get a gift advent calendar in advance.

Your tone sounds like you don't really like her that much, she over buys for the children and doesn't get you what you'd chose yourself. It's presents. Accept with good grace. You can't have too many Christmas socks.

I'd say just don't have any expectations of gifts from in laws so anything you get is at worst neutral to nothing or at best something you will use for Christmas. You say "every single gift was Christmas themed". So she gets you multiple gifts?! That's nice! And a gift of any nature from a brother in law? I've never had a gift from my brother as an adult (and we're close) never mind my brother in law. Just say thanks, smile a genuine smile and move on?

My MiL gets me nothing for birthdays. Never has, not even a really significant one. For Xmas, I get cheap jam, cheap bubblebath, B&M cheap biscuits - all stuff she has eaten from her food cupboard and which I wouldn't buy. She has a fair bit of money.

She also bought her other grandson a £40 hoodie one year; gave him £50 the next. My daughters only ever got from her a cheap selection box. Year on year. That used to upset me more to be honest. BiL/SiL have never even given me a card, let alone a gift.

Over the years, I've pulled away a bit. In some ways not getting presents from them is inconsequential but the message around how they value you rubs so I get you OP. It's hurtful. You could ask her not to buy you any presents next year or else regift to your brother next year or charity shop.

Christ. Reading comprehension really is at an all time low, isn’t it?

That was over 20 years ago, when I was in my 20s. My career is very solid now, thank you. They don’t like that, of course - women are meant to be barefoot and pregnant and making shepherd’s pie on the daily. This one galivants all over the place and expects her husband to do domestic stuff. He’s far more likely to need a recipe tea towel than me!

May you all get recipe tea towels for your next birthday. The joy they will generate will truly achieve amazing things for the human race, I’m sure. 🍻

Are they accurate and good recipes or total made up ones that look nice on a towel?

Does it matter? They’re a gift, so anything less than peeing yourself in pure gratitude and elation is rude and unacceptable.

Well as someone who has never cooked a turkey in their life this is the most useless recipe I have ever seen.
What temperature should I cook at? How long?
Food poisoning for everyone at mine this year then 😂

I think there’s a big difference between something that’s clearly been a cast-off and done with no care and something that just isn’t the particular taste of the recipient but could be plenty of people’s taste - like the tea towel.

That said, I was once given white sunglasses for a holiday that had sparkle effect on the frames and pineapples 🍍 at the corners. They were very lovingly given by a lady with a severe learning disability who said they had come attached to her magazine and she saved them for me for my trip somewhere she thought would be Sunny. I was very touched. It was clear she thought they were quite spectacular, and the fact she thought of me when I know she’d have rather liked them herself made them one of th sweetest gifts I’ve had. So there’s that.

Why should you be grateful for somebody gifting you half used free samples, tat you'll never use, xmas shit in October?
All this I can't say anything, I would, why should people get away with treating others in such a deliberately shitty way; especially the ones who gift other family members thoughtful gifts and others crap.
They're the horrible people, not the person who would speak out about their nasty behaviour.

@CandyMay says people should be grateful for any gift as it’s the mere thought of giving something, anything, that counts. So I’m wondering if their opinion applies to that ‘gift’ too or if we’ve reached the limit of expected gratefulness.

YANBU
ID take the power struggle out of it tbh.
no sane person thinks that’s an ok gift so therefore it’s done on purpose.
you won’t change her. Plus she’s the MIL forever.

so if she’s wanting a reaction or to have a dig- I’d avoid it. Do not meet with her at all around your birthday, do other things. DH can collect from theirs. Don’t open the presents in front of her. Power struggle over. No confrontation! If she hands you a bag say thanks so much, let’s head out now! I’ll open these later.

she’ll go after someone else soon enough.

I hear you OP. The beauty calender was great and you would welcome it annually. Maybe have DH mention this to MIL. Also thank you for kicking off the shit gift posting season. I
love the threads about ridiculous gifts and meals around the holidays. I wouldn’t take MIL on either. She’s not your hill to die on and as a narc it’s just a losing position to put yourself in. I do think it’s fine to open the gifts and if they are more Christmas decor items say thanks but no need to perform for her like they are a great gift. Gifting is tricky and honestly if people don’t want to actually spend money on you it shows. Once I donated unwanted Christmas items right out of my car trunk (boot) to my coworkers who shopped it and had fun doing it. Donate that stuff right away…most enjoyed early in the holiday. And if MIL asks ”where’s so and so decor item” say I HAVE TOO MUCH XMAS stuff to use/put out every year.

If she's really trying to annoy you she's succeeding! Why rise to the bait, just say thanks for the gifts, and if you really don't want them give them to a charity shop!