It was my birthday yesterday, MIL bought me Christmas themed stuff

[HagsRule]

I feel ungrateful even creating this thread, but it has been bugging me all day. AIBU to feel this way? Is this weird?

Basically, it was my birthday yesterday and MIL came over today with presents for me. Over the past 5 or 6 years I've received at least one Christmas themed present for my birthday from MIL which I've thought was odd since it is almost 2 months before Christmas and I'm not really a big Christmas fan anyway.

After she did it again last year on my birthday I maybe didn't receive the Christmas themed plates and glasses as enthusiastically as she'd expected. Just to clarify I always say thank you and haven't said anything as I don't want to upset anybody and come across as ungrateful. Even posting this I feel guilty! But anyway, maybe last year my face slipped or something and I gave myself away because this year for my birthday every single present was Christmas themed and my BIL (her other son) also gave me entirely Christmas themed presents bar one book. I suspect BIL got help from his mum to buy his presents as when he handed the parcel to me he checked with his mum first to make sure that was the right gift to give me (he's almost 40 fyi).

Is she trolling me now? She must have picked up on me feeling a bit irked by it last year so she's ramped it up this year. My DH is also annoyed on my behalf and at lunch today said something about Christmas not even being on our radar until December (which to be fair is true). She looked annoyed that he said this.

Should I just suck this weird gift thing up forever more? I mean, it's just so random and I think I'd understand more if she bought me Halloween themed tat since that's the day before my birthday, but Christmas stuff? It makes even less sense.

@ThatIsNotMyNameSoWhyAreYouCallingMeThat exactly - why do they bother if they don't know you enough to know you're a vegetarian etc?
It's such a waste.

It’s shit to give someone a household object, isn’t it? Unless the husband is getting a shiny new iron for his birthday.

presumably, like some on this thread, anything will do, to their minds, to meet the expectation of giving someone something.

I don’t expect anything. I don’t want anything. If DH wants to get me something he knows what skincare, perfume and chocolate I like. I don’t want anyone buying me clothes or jewellery. We generally treat each other to experiences or gig tickets these days rather than more “stuff”.

This.
When did grown ups get to be encouaged o complain to a gift giver that they weren’t satisfied with their gift.
Manners people!

Yes I would still say be grateful. A hot air balloon trip would be a significant expense. I would be grateful to be gifted it but I would say I’m too afraid to use it but thank you so much.

I don’t see it as reasonable to be ungrateful. In this particular scenario someone has offered a special experience. Unfortunately I wouldn’t be able to use it but it’s still a kind gift. I don’t have the mentality of scrutinising people and seeing bad in every situation.

I wasn’t spoiled. Was never used to receiving much. Asked for even less. Perhaps this is the reason for my outlook on this issue.

some posters here have no shame in being demanding and see nothing wrong with leaving a gift behind because they didn’t deem it acceptable. That to me is appalling lack of manners and lack of education

I'd just suck.it up and expect Christmas themed style gifys from now on! If it's anything else, great!

As far as presents are concerned, I never expect or want anything. I'd like my DH and children to give me a lie in and maybe make me a cup of tea and breakfast on my birthday, if it's a weekend. But other than that, presents are not necessary. If people want to do something nice and give something, that's lovely. If it's a weird present, even better! Makes it personal to them and will make me laugh when I look at the gift again in the future! (an aunt gave me a ball of wool from a sheep once. It was v weird! But I still think about it 35 years later and it makes me laugh, and I associate the gift with her and her general randomness!)

Just be grateful and smile for what you have and enjoy spending the day with people who love you.

I try not to be disagreeable but I just don't understand some of these posts saying the OP should re-gift her presents back to her MIL or buy her Easter bunnies etc at MIL birthday in March. In my experience, that would be likely to exacerbate the situation. The OP is married to her MILs son and, while it's not always possible, families tend to be more harmonious when DIL and MIL have a good, or at least a civil, relationship. I really hope OP manages to resolve this amicably. It isn't great if a DH feels torn between their wife and mother. I was very lucky to have a fabulous MIL (no longer with us) but that isn't to say she didn't do some things that annoyed me. I managed, with diplomacy, to sort things out without resorting to passive aggressive behaviour.

But you’re missing the idea of giving. It’s a treat. An extra. Not something demanded with a shopping list

Gifts are meaningless if there is no thought or understanding of the recipient behind them.

Totally agree. I have a 'just before Christmas' birthday and have received some classy Christmassy platters and Christmassy cake stand. But I entertain a lot, they are absolutely my taste, and I use them a lot throughout the festive period They are well used and get stored in the loft with the Christmas decorations. I have friends who could think of nothing worse, would never use them, and nowhere to store them.

Being charitable to your MIL OP, maybe she has no idea that you don't like this stuff and maybe it's the sort of thing she would appreciate herself. Maybe your DH could drop some heavy hints about the kind of presents you would like ahead of time next year?

Every time she comes to your house, put your coat on and leave. Say, "oh, hello Beryl. Excuse me, I've got to go CHRISTMAS shopping. You know how much I love CHRISTMAS". All year long. When your family visits her, see them all inside and do it then too. Then go off to a cafe, or something, for a couple of hours to yourself.

Dump all the Christmas shite she's bought you in a tatty cardboard box and leave it next to the outside bin when she's next due round. Or leave it in the hall and label the box CHARITY OR JUNK in big obvious marker pen writing.

some posters here have no shame in being demanding and see nothing wrong with leaving a gift behind because they didn’t deem it acceptable. That to me is appalling lack of manners and lack of education

I’m reasonably sure that Debretts doesn’t suggest that a teatowel with a recipe for shepherd’s pie on it is the perfect gift for a vegetarian!

They wouldn’t know manners if their lives depended on it, as it happens.

Obviously it’s much nicer to receive gifts that you really love. But people try and sometimes get it wrong. I don’t think that makes it acceptable to declare that, given their ineptitude, you will no longer be receiving their attempts.

This is slightly off topic but a friend once sent me a marshmallow log in an envelope. It never arrived and she asked if I had enjoyed it. I went home and asked my mum, who looked very guilty and said “ oh is that what it was? I was really upset and disturbed so I threw it away. I thought someone had sent you a poo in an envelope.”

So some gifts could be problematic . But Christmas stuff isn’t exactly a poo in sn envelope.

She's either thinking it's somehow helpful because then you won't need to buy this sort of stuff in December OR she's doing it deliberately because she either thinks it's funny or she's being a passive aggressive b. Either way, I doubt much good can come of calling it out, I think "helpful" suggestions from hubby is your best bet , but I strongly suspect she will ignore this and carry on.
If it makes you feel better, I get nothing (used to get a card, now don't) for my birthday from the in laws and either get a hilariously awful token christmas gift (a single novelty drinks coaster one year, mini bar size alcohol - single bottle another) or an embarrassingly low level voucher (7.50 for amazon last year) from my in laws. They're not poor (own their own home mortgage free, good pensions), I just assume they don't really value me and I honestly don't care now. Instead I've made it a joke with my friends and they all absolutely love to hear, almost immediately, what christmas gift I got (so now it's a lovely christmas tradition when I get to bed on christmas day to send a round Robin text with a photo of the horrendous gift). I just politely thank them, and continue to contribute to buying them a nice gift in conjunction with my husband, because its more trouble than it's worth and it never sounds OK moaning about gifts (even now I suspect someone will reply saying I'm ungrateful or it's my own fault)

But what about the 20 years in the city

It’s not a treat if I can’t use it.

It’s not a gift if it serves no purpose than eliciting a thank you in the face of absolute thoughtlessness.

Perhaps you’d wet yourself with joy overt a tablecloth or a lampshade or a voucher for a restaurant 5000 miles away, but I can guarantee you the majority of people wouldn’t.

I was IN MY 20s working IN THE CITY.

I was rarely home, rarely cooked, and absolutely wouldn’t have referred to kitchen linen for recipes.

It was DH who discussed no more, on the basis that none of us needed anything and that, living 300 miles apart, it was enough effort to travel and/or host without the need for gifts. They’re a massive family and agreed completely, and stuck to it with all of DH’s many siblings and their families.

So some gifts could be problematic . But Christmas stuff isn’t exactly a poo in sn envelope.

we don’t celebrate Xmas, so it may as well be.

Don’t tempt us… 🤣

@Candymay seriously....if you were terrified of heights and everyone in your family and your close friends knows you're terrified of heights you would seriously be grateful for an expensive hot air balloon ride?
You'd just sit there and smile?
That's just ridiculous in my opinion.

I honestly don't think a weird present from my MIL would mean a thing to me. I'd unwrap it & thank her & either use it (beauty advent / teatowel) or donate it later.

I would view it as of no consequence other than it was nice she bothered at all..

The only person I expect a thoughtful, personal & appreciate present from is my dh. And I'm lucky as he is both very generous & good at gift buying.

We're married 21 years & I don't recall ever receiving a birthday gift from MIL even for 30 / 40 or 50 birthdays.

I don't dwell on it and i don't let it bother me whatsoever.

She said she would be. But would say she wouldn’t use it. Which apparently isn’t rude. If it wasn’t transferable that’s a lot of money for someone to have wasted. Surely manners would dictate you get a Valium and use the gift because not to do so would be rude.

I read and re-read your post. Have you?
You sound awful

@ThatIsNotMyNameSoWhyAreYouCallingMeThat 😂😂😂

Why would it not be transferable haha
all this extreme reaching for examples
your posts show you as someone haughty and not very intelligent
im sure that’s not at all the case in real life but just your responses to your gift you’re still seething over make you sound awful