It was my birthday yesterday, MIL bought me Christmas themed stuff

[HagsRule]

I feel ungrateful even creating this thread, but it has been bugging me all day. AIBU to feel this way? Is this weird?

Basically, it was my birthday yesterday and MIL came over today with presents for me. Over the past 5 or 6 years I've received at least one Christmas themed present for my birthday from MIL which I've thought was odd since it is almost 2 months before Christmas and I'm not really a big Christmas fan anyway.

After she did it again last year on my birthday I maybe didn't receive the Christmas themed plates and glasses as enthusiastically as she'd expected. Just to clarify I always say thank you and haven't said anything as I don't want to upset anybody and come across as ungrateful. Even posting this I feel guilty! But anyway, maybe last year my face slipped or something and I gave myself away because this year for my birthday every single present was Christmas themed and my BIL (her other son) also gave me entirely Christmas themed presents bar one book. I suspect BIL got help from his mum to buy his presents as when he handed the parcel to me he checked with his mum first to make sure that was the right gift to give me (he's almost 40 fyi).

Is she trolling me now? She must have picked up on me feeling a bit irked by it last year so she's ramped it up this year. My DH is also annoyed on my behalf and at lunch today said something about Christmas not even being on our radar until December (which to be fair is true). She looked annoyed that he said this.

Should I just suck this weird gift thing up forever more? I mean, it's just so random and I think I'd understand more if she bought me Halloween themed tat since that's the day before my birthday, but Christmas stuff? It makes even less sense.

It's a bit odd, as it's nearly 2 months before Christmas. Maybe she's a weirdo, maybe she's trolling you.

But I'd just leave it - when it comes to gift giving the bottom line is any gift is a blessing unless it's actually disgusting or dangerous, because nobody owes anybody a gift as an adult.

She doesn't actually have to buy you anything at all and there's no gracious way to say "I'd rather you spent your money differently". All you can do is drop hints about what you would like, pleasantly, and don't put much thought into her gifts.

@nosleepforme the mother in law hasn't tried though. She knows the OP isn't as obsessed with Christmas as she is.

You either accept the shite gifts or you be proactive and in early October say
'I've seen this lamp / coat / perfume/ candle ....... That I really love. Please could you send me vouchers for my birthday so I can put them towards that - thanks so much'

I had an aunt who was AWFUL at presents. One year she bought my 18 year old brother a tie that you could colour in, complete with felt tip pens 🤦🏼‍♀️

It's only slightly early for an advent calendar as a gift. After 1st December it's too late.

Just imagine receiving this from your new dil. But even worse to imagine wanting to write it. I’m baffled

Yep I agree! They are hoarders though, you should see MIL's house; BIL's room has spilled out into the hall now it's mad. I'm the opposite of a hoarder it just makes me so stressed. So, being hoarders, they also love gifting so much things, ornaments etc. But the thing is MIL knows I'm not a hoarder and that I hate clutter! And that I'm mainly fairly ambivalent about Christmas. She knows this! DH and I usually ask her what she'd like from us for her birthday in March and usually it is at least 5 or 6 really nice gifts, molton brown, fav sweeties etc.

This is what I'm just not getting about these things this year. She knows I am not big on Christmas and she usually only gets me one Christmas themed thing (and yes again, the calendar was v much appreciated and loved at the time; I did genuinely love that) but the ramping up this year of just everything being Christmas themed and also repeated Christmas stuff that I've already got (i.e. Christmas tea towels which she already bought me last year for actual Christmas) was just a bit of a wtf moment for me.

But like I said earlier in a previous post, I've had a few wines tonight, wanted a bit of a moan, I now have a semi-solution thanks to everyone on here and I won't say anything to her, it's not that big a deal really, I wouldn't want to cause upset, she'll still get nice things for her birthday and yes, I can enlist DH for hints etc for future.

I told my family years ago I didn't want birthday, Mother's Day or Xmas presents. I've never regretted it. They do sometimes buy me something like socks, a book, a candle at random and not necessarily on my birthday or Xmas and I appreciate that. I generally gift them some practical (usable) things like luxury biscuits, toiletries I know they like, chutneys, spice kits, plus money or a voucher so I am not cluttering up their homes with things they may not want and could end up in landfill. A few years ago, around covid, I did as usual send Xmas cards but sent a handwritten note in some of the cards (excluding elderly people I sent them to) explaining I was stopping sending Xmas cards for environmental reasons but gave my mobile number and email and said it would be good to hear from them. I've heard from a few and the ones I didn't hear from were mostly people who were in my life 20 plus years ago that had reduced to a perfunctory Xmas card. I'm going a long way round for a shortcut but would it be possible to tell MIL you've decided for environmental reasons you'd rather not receive birthday presents or would prefer, eg, a book token or something? I hope you sort this out before next year

Oh mid march. An Easter egg and some bunny ears, Easter themed dinnerwear and ornaments for MIL's birthday! I couldn't help myself😂Don't get mad, get even!

Not every family talks about what they want, because some people prefer to surprise their loved ones. I only buy now for my children, and I pick up on things during the course of the year that they say they like, and it's the best of both worlds.

@HagsRule can't your DH have a word? Couldn't he just suggest tactfully nearer the time that you'd probably prefer something for your birthday that isn't Christmas-themed?

I honestly don't know because she knows I'm not a big fan of Christmas you see

Maybe she thinks she's being helpful then, by getting you Christmas stuff so you don't have to bother with it. Xmas plates and tea towels would be especially helpful if you host for Christmas. Do you?

You can't give people Christmas stuff on Xmas day as it will be too late to use it. Since she gives it to you at this time of year you can actually use it at Xmas.

Have you got reason to believe she's doing it to purposefully annoy you?

You have kids? Donate them to the Xmas raffle at their school. Sorted.
The plan this. Next spring casually say, "I'm Spring cleaning mil, too much crap Xmas stuff and too little room in the attic. Tbh I find xmas stuff very tacky. "
next bday say in advance that you're doing a charity collection and you'd like her to donate to x cause.

Did you read my post?!

it’s the equivalent of dog shit as a present. Thoughtless, and absolutely not something worthy of gratitude.

This Christmas, buy some Christmas stuff to save for MIL's March birthday. When you give it to her say...."I know you will love it, because it's what you always give me MIL".

If you get on alright with BIL, you could ask him why he gave you Christmas themed gifts, then tell him that enough's enough!
🎄 🎄 🎄 🎄 🎄 🎄

@Calliopespa - It's not authoritarian if the OP has a discussion with her husband and they agree on some sort of wording to cut back on the style and type and quantity of gifts they are on the receiving end of and then sending that out to the family.
But thanks for your take on my earlier post.

Or this of course. Very tempting.

@Runnerinthenight surprises are perfectly fine if you know the type of things the person you are buying for actually likes.
So if you know your daughter in-law likes crime novels and dark chocolate but absolutely hates heights and coconut which would you surprise her with -
A fancy copy of an old crime novel that's she's been trying to track down for years and a box of very posh dark chocolates?
Or
A trip in a hot air balloon and a selection of Bounty bars?
Surprises are brilliant - if you KNOW the person will enjoy the suprise.

I wouldn't be buying presents for anyone I didn't know well enough to know what they like, so it's not an issue.

Regift it back to her at Christmas

Gifts are gifts. It’s not for the recipients to stipulate the rules around them, like sone emperor who can only be approached by the people on Mondays if they are fully veiled and walking backwards.

Someone else who thinks like me at least

I’m vegetarian (since age 11) and have been given gelatine based sweets and once, a whole haunch of venison.

I don’t drink and have been given alcohol.

Milk chocolate when I only eat very dark chocolate (not snobby - my favourite one is from Aldi).

I just recycle them to raffle prizes or other presents. But I’d honestly rather people didn’t bother.

@Runnerinthenight exactly - the OPs mother in-law knows she's not so into Christmas so why on earth does she do what she does??
It's just bizarre behaviour.
But @Candymay is saying a person should be grateful for every and any gift. In my scenario should someone terrified of heights be grateful for a suprise hot air balloon trip?
No. I don't think they should.

Gifts are meaningless if there is no thought or understanding of the recipient behind them.

Forgetting whether the gifts are nice or not, could it be that she’s trying to give you present that you will enjoy using in a few weeks time when it is Christmas? I alway think it’s a bit crap to give people Christmas themed things to open on Christmas Day as they can’t then be used properly until the next year.