Old friend randomly blocked me

[Pureshores499]

For background purposes, I'm in my 40s now.
When I was in my 20s, I had a friend who I socialised a lot with (bars and clubs late 90's days) we had some amazing nights and were great friends, not super close though, mainly socially. As life progresses we both meet and marry, settle down etc. and lose touch, as sometimes happens in life. I know she's married with a son who I'm guessing is around 20 now.

Randomly one day a few months ago, I got thinking of her and could remember her Mums landline number (probably because we called each other so much back then before mobiles!)

I rang and spoke to her Mum. She remembered me and we had a brief chat. I asked for my old friends mobile and said I'd love to surprise her with a little WhatsApp and catch up on how she's doing.

I drop said friend a little message, along the lines of "hey old friend. Surprise! A little blast from your past. Ask how she's doing, tell her she had popped into my mind etc, explained how I'd amazingly remembered her parents home number etc. and just thought it would be good to check in all these years later now we're adulting 😊

She replies, brief, but pleasant asks how I am etc.

So I respond fairly briefly, tell her I'm married, where I'm living now etc. Casually say it would be nice to one day catch up for a coffee is she fancies it sometime.

That's it.

Stays on the grey tick. I got blocked. Obviously she never responded.

I can't understand. It's made me feel utterly crap. I'm obviously overthinking it, but who wouldn't. I've never done anything to offend her. I get that life moves on. Maybe she didn't fancy the coffee thing, but surely she could have just got around that by being vague and non committal (I can take a hint!) Just thought it was a nice little checkin to an old friend I'd lost touch with.

I just find people so rude. I thought it would be just a nice hi, was thinking of you and the fun times we has message - instead I come away from an innocently nice gesture feeling like I've been punched in the stomach (and also like a complete idiot!!)

She only lives about 10 miles from me, so I dread if I ever bump into her, I'd feel incredibly awkward now on how to navigate!

Anyone else had odd situations like this that fester in your mind?

@Pureshores499 I don’t think you’re weird. However, I’m an over thinker and if an old friend contacted me I would be remembering all the cringy things from our shared past that I would sooner forget. So yes, I may block you.

If you can't find someone on social media it's normally because they don't want to be found.

It’s so interesting to me how differently people perceive things on social media, like friend requests and the meaning of being ‘friends’ on FB. I think it’s probably a difference in opinion between OP and her old friend too - OP found nothing strange in calling her mums number to see how friend was (I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with this), and old friend possibly found it odd that OP called up her mum out of the blue looking for her (nothing inherently wrong with this either).

I find it completely bizarre that you would block several old schoolmates, yet I do also find it bizarre that so many people do seem to take something from having as many ‘friends’ as possible with no intentions of interacting with them.

I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong OP but also I wouldn’t give it any further thought. You’ll likely never know why she wasn’t keen to meet up or be back in touch.

i also remember lots of random phone numbers from the 80s and 90s, as you said - we dialled them all the time and they stick in the brain 🤷‍♀️

@Pureshores499 OP, there's a lot of strange antisocial people on here 😆.

I'd be delighted to hear from an old friend, you have done absolutely nothing wrong contacting her mum/her, and I too would be miffed at being blocked!!

@Disturbia a fuck it bucket? Love it👍

I completely agree.
I’m sorry op, but it seems odd to me that you would phone her mum & then ask for her number.
When your friend popped into your head maybe you should’ve found her on social media & added her as a friend instead of phoning her mum after all of these years.
If I was the friend I would find it really weird that you phoned my mum after decades have passed, the mum probably thinks it’s pretty strange too.
I get you were reaching out, but to me it seems a weird way to do it.

This whole thing about boundaries that everyone goes on about nowadays is of course important, women have been socialised not to have them for far too long. But, it seems to dominate some people’s thinking, and the evidence is in this thread.

It’s sweet and fine and normal to have fond memories of past friendships, to call people’s parents and get in touch. That’s being an open and affectionate person who is in touch with their past self. It’s really not weird, intrusive or disrespectful of anyone else’s boundaries. Of course, if you don’t like people from the past getting in touch with you, that’s fine too. Of course you’d be justified in cutting off contact if you don’t want it. There’s no obligation to be friendly to everyone. But why make out that the person reaching out is weird?

If we’re not careful we’ll all be confined to our homes hardly communicating with anyone. It’s no wonder so many people feel isolated. It’s like the people on MN who don’t answer their door. We’re all super sensitive about ourselves and the supposed dangers that other people pose. Nobody has to be friends with anyone if they don’t feel like it but surely we can tolerate other people reaching out?

I’m not in contact with any ‘old friends’ because I moved away from my home town and left it behind. Not for particularly bad reasons, I just outgrew it and became a different person. People from my teens and 20s have tried contacting me again but I’ve no interest, we don’t have anything in common anymore.

I can see from your updates that she hasn’t moved physically far away but maybe she has as a person and doesn’t want a reminder of the past or an old group of friends? I would have been really cross with my mother for giving my number out, too!

I wouldn’t have said you’ve done anything bad, and I would love it if someone remembered me fondly enough to get back in touch after a few years. I’ve often thought of doing the same, but some of the reactions have really put me off to be honest! Is it because we are relics of a pre social media era? Everything you have put sounds totally normal to me, and it would never have occurred to me that it could be seen as creepy or invasive. The worst I would have feared is that they weren’t interested. It’s quite sad that something that should be a positive is experienced as a negative.

It can't possibly be personal as she doesn't know you. So don't worry. It will be something to do with her, maybe her life is difficult at the moment and she doesn't want to compare, maybe you and her were a bit wild in the old days and she has married a minister and doesn't want her past to catch up with her, maybe she's a bitch now, who knows. Put it behind you and know it can't possibly be about you and move on xx

Nobody has to be friends with anyone if they don’t feel like it but surely we can tolerate other people reaching out?

I think this is a bit unfair- the old friend didnt tell the OP to fck off, she was perfectly polite but clearly didn't want any more interaction and that is her right, especially considering she didnt actually give out her number. When you get in touch with people you havent spoken to in years thats a risk you take. If you cant handle that outcome then best not to risk it really.

@randomflumpsy i was commenting on the many posts here saying that the OP was odd for getting in touch.

Sure, but there are also posts suggesting the friend is a bitch or that it's her loss, or that she will end up lonely and must be one of those people who never answer the door etc

not at all weird to remember a landline - it's all we had and we knew tons of numbers. I still remember the number of the first house I lived in with a phone - when I was in my 20's - 40yrs ago. (Really handy for secure numbers for passwords!) I absolutely remember the number of the friends I used to ring on a regular basis.

@Pureshores499 Completely agree, without too many details basically spend most of 2024 building a friendship , yes i let it slip to our friend group that i had feelings but low level, (for context it was the group who do you fancy etc) then last couple of months of 2024 we didnt spend as much time together but still texted (i made sure to ask in advance to WhatsApp and or Facebook ) most if not all of the communications were professional and if i went in front of HR then id be happy to show every single text,

i usually do a have a good weekend text to a few people to keep communications open and gives chance to catch-up etc depending on the person, then i made a comment about a Facebook post to this person and said have a good weekend then next weekend i did the same have a good weekend text and then blocked.

now i understand at times we had different perspectives on how tasks would be achieved with less people doing the tasks and i know sometimes i went to the people that needed the extra people rather than the official bosses.

but overall there is nothing as far as i can see or understand that annoyed them that then made them block me, especially when i had asked for permission for the texts etc

so 2 possibilities remain either they developed feelings for me and it was easier to block me than admit the feelings

or something i did or something they learned from someone else has annoyed them about me and that caused the block

other than that im puzzled as i had thought they would of talked to me first about any issues and its not like it was text after text etc

I still remember the number of the first house I lived in with a phone - when I was in my 20's - 40yrs ago. (Really handy for secure numbers for passwords!) I absolutely remember the number of the friends I used to ring on a regular basis.

Me too! All my numerical passwords are old landline numbers.

I didn’t say it was weird to remember a landline, I have commented since then saying how I remember several numbers from years ago. However, I have been called a weirdo more than once for having a good memory for such things, so clearly some people think it’s odd because they can’t understand why someone would remember it.

Besides, it’s not so much remembering the number, but rather phoning it that some may find odd or intrusive. As I said, I would probably find it endearing to hear from an old friend and pleased that they had remembered me fondly (depending who it is, of course!), but everybody is different.

This is what I genuinely don't understand. You would honestly block them instead of just saying 'sorry I can't, but thanks for asking.' ?

I would if it was spam etc
But to an old friend I’d still be polite even if I didn’t want to chat much.

It could well be this if she's a sensible wife and Mum now. The 90s were a tad wild 😂

Most people I know love reminiscing over past times! I’m sorry they did this.

I would find someone calling my mum a bit strange.

I reckon she’s got a full on life and doesn’t need another responsibility or thing to consider.

It’s not weird at all OP. I found an old school friends sister on FB and sent her a message asking if A) Are you Emma’s sister and B) Can you pass my details on or can you give me her number. If she was like some of the people on here she’d have blocked me and not helped me contact my friend. We weren’t best friends and not really similar but we clicked despite our differences.

She moved about 300 miles away after school and I was about 30 when I got in touch with her sister (who didn’t know me from Adam!)

I’m pleased to say we’re still in touch 10+ years on and she was happy I reached out. It didn’t even cross my mind anyone would think it was weird…

Couldn't feel I could skip this without replying as I have done similar to old friends...very much due to the cliche "it's not you, it's me". So don't think to badly of yourself. I've blocked certain old friends after a very tragic life situation that has brought on chronic mental illness in me. Not to make this about me at all but if things aren't going particularly well in your friends life she may not feel able to face the thought of discussing it with you. Just a thought!