To expect some basic manners from children?

[vickidoodah]

Twice in the last 24 hours kids have been unfriendly and not corrected by their parents.

1. looked after DC (8) class mate all day. Parent arrives to collect them and child is rude to parent then refuses to thank us or return to say goodbye after walking out without saying anything. Parent rolls eyes and says child is tired.
2. meet up with friend and their 2 children. I say hi to them and her DC 9 looks at me and otherwise ignores me. I raise eyebrow to friend who says they need to warm up and will be fine in about 20mins.

AIBU to think the parents are not helping their children by excusing this rude behaviour? All children NT.

They were perfectly reasoned perspectives. I didn't see excuses anywhere.

I think it's important to remember the original post and the child's infraction that has been given as an example.

I think you should make the child go back in abd say "thank you for having me." As @Darkdiamond said, you tell them to go back in, apologise and thank the hostess, then you can talk with the child on their own about why they seem out of sorts. You then go on to say that however they may be feeling, there is no excuse for rudeness and please and thank you are basic good manners.

I think it's great to thank the coach (though not if they have spent the session bullying you and humiliating you and swearing at you. I have witnessed this in swimming. A poor lad being completely humiliated for most of the session by a v nasty coach, and dutifully going up to the coach (who had 5 minutes earlier called him a wanker because he was unable to keep up) and thanking him for his coaching while his mother looked on. Goodness knows what she was thinking).

It's great to thank people. We should all do it more, but it needs to be genuine and children who forget/are still learning etc.. should be cut a little slack.

I'm all for good manners. But equally, we are none of us perfect, especially young children.

The examples in the OP are really nothing to get worked up about! And while your child may thank his/her coach - which is great, maybe don't criticise those who don't. Coaches also should (if they are good) get pleasure and reward from seeing the children develop, and from seeing that the respect they (should) give their players/swimmers/others is starting to be reciprocated through words of thanks, handshakes, high fives, increased motivation to attend and improved performance.

They wouldn’t be the only ones if they were at my kids activities. Exactly the same. From day 1 they have been instructed to say thank you to coaches. From some of the responses to my post I’d assume were thought to be awful parents for making our kids parrot this. However, nobody will convince me that this isn’t important!!

You witnessed a small child being bullied and called a wanker by a grown man and you just sat and watched and didn't say a word

Agreed.

We’ve just about nailed “please,” with little reminders. “Thank you” we still need to do eye contact and Makaton for.

We’re not teaching pointless words aimlessly, we’re teaching by repetition that when people do things for us we say thank you.

Haha! Slight detail there but I'll answer briefly - No I didn't sit and do nothing! That's another story though. I dealt with it in the way appropriate to that particular situation and that particular club, which we are no longer a part of due to lack of change regarding ingrained bullying behaviour and lack of interventions from swim england, and how hard it was to witness polite, hard working, dedicated young people being bullied and sworn at by a coach who demanded respect without earning it.

*de-rail not detail ...

@Differentstarts sounds like you and that coach would get on very well.

It was not posters place to pull the coach up on that.

Another nice try at belittling another's very reasoned, realistic and valid perspective.

It's everyone's place to protect children and accusing me of abusing children is beyond disgusting.

Haven't got much chance there if the mum is sending Jonny off to say thanks Coach.

This sort of thing isn't that rare. They aren't all good eggs and you'd be up against it if the performance parents are in the majority.

But the poster did step in and do the right thing just like most would. Just because you clearly wouldn't it doesn't mean others shouldn't

Don't you think the mum would be concerned about that situation? If she sends her child back to that, I'd have greater concerns about what's going on at home with mama to be quite honest.

I would but you clearly wouldn't as to you this common in sport and you shouldn't say anything. I'm still waiting for you to apologise to me for saying I would get on with a child abuser. Or do you not say sorry to others, as this might explain why your kids struggle with manners.

That comment is just pure ignorant my son is neurodiverse and I've still managed to teach him manners

@Differentstarts I won't seek likes or approval here. I understand how important it is for so many to say oh I always do this, yeah me too, praise me please. I won't do that here in the spirit of my posts.

What I will say is oh yes, there have been times my little cherubs' manners have been utterly appalling. Little terrors in fact. They don't make shock collars for kids.

Ohfuckrucksack
Your attitude is exactly the reason why some kids are impolite and ungrateful.
If someone has looked after you all day for your parents of course you say thank you. I was taught to say thank you for having me when I stayed at a friend's house. Kids need to be taught manners until it becomes automatic.

So how exactly do you do you suggest that reluctant child can be forced to speak at a given moment - without resorting to physical punishment, of course?

Tbh child 1 sounds like my dd after her first play date. I was absolutely mortified and explained to her that if she couldn't find a way of dealing with the play date ending then they would have to stop, which would be a huge shame. Mind you, she's ND. She's got a lot better, but the excitement of a play date, followed by the disappointment of having to leave is hard for her to cope with.

That said, she has immaculate manners in the vast majority of situations so I don't worry too much. People often comment on how polite she is, so I know the blips are just that.

How did you get her to acknowledge people and talk to them if she was incredibly shy? Genuinely interested to hear tips.

I'm still waiting for an apology from you. Why is this such a problem for you?

I have nothing to apologise to you for @Differentstarts . I am concerned that you're appearing to get very upset about all this though.

I would (and have) clearly not resort to physical punishment because surprisingly there are stages in between. I would say to my child ‘say thank you to XX for having you over”. Why? So that at least if they didn’t say anything the person would know I expected them to say thank you and to tell my child what was expected. If they didn’t I would then tell them that wasn’t very polite of them and that I expect them to be more polite in future. No physical harm needed.

You said I would get on well with someone who is abusing children. As someone who grew up being abused and ended up in care this is incredibly offensive. But even without my history it's still a disgusting thing to say to another person. Iv told you I'm not happy about what you said and I would like an apology

I'm with you OP, my son's dinner lady told us he's the politest boy in the school and I don't think I have ever gotten a bigger compliment or been prouder 😂😂 especially as he has ASD and ADHD and struggles with social skills, DH have always been very dogmatic about manners.