Too be really fucking angry with people who just let abuse happen- Sara Sharif

[dinomirror]

Reading it now its horrific. People saying we heard screams- and yet did nothing??? How does a person just think that no im not going to report this, most likely because they cant be bothered/ dont want to be involved. Scum of the earth the dad is. The stepmother ( and her sister!) going on and on about how they feel bad etc and dont do anything!

i am a teacher and I posted on a thread the other day about how terrible it was that we can’t take children out of school for holidays/whenever we fancy.
I pointed out that missing school regularly is a major safeguarding red flag. Of course I was told what do I know, schools aren’t doing enough to be welcoming etc etc.

personally I think home educating should be banned in almost all circumstances.

Same. It's absolutely sickening.

Autistic children who are home schooled can also be abused, emotional abuse is also a thing. They are disabled and hard work, so parents justify it. Name calling, etc. they also need to be protected from abuse, and being home schooled will prevent it from being caught.

Also, chatting to a friend who is a criminal barrister a few months ago, cultural issues notwithstanding, he said that cannabis, particularly skunk, was often found in extreme cases of child abuse. If you read back through some of the most recent horrible stories then drug use often features. It’s not mental health issues. Mental health issues don’t make you a sick fuck.

We used to live next door to a right pair. She had a little boy about 3 Yr old and every Friday night we would wait for the shouting and screaming to start except one night we heard the little one crying too and there was a bang and then complete silence I was so worried he had hurt the child so I rang the police who came immediately. Luckily the child was fine but boy did she make our lives so miserable after that we had to move. I would
have been grateful someone was looking out for me. I would do it again in a heartbeat.

It is well known that abusers will train for years to access children and that more teachers than priests are child abusers.

Where do you expect parents who don't want teachers giving lessons on strange sex education to go?

Poor mental health can lead to making bad decisions including taking drugs. It is a cycle

This is an interesting point, I’d never thought about it but you’re right with the fairy tale thing.

It’s a horrendous case, the details that have come out are so distressing. I wish people had reported what was going on and I wish that social services had acted on the schools reports of bruising.

I am a home educator and I personally am not against more involvement but I am not sure what form it would take to be effective and who would do it given that social services are stretched to their limits and often don’t act on reports given(as proven by this case) and a visit from the LEA isn’t likely to flag up abuse. It would need to be something that was actually going to work rather than just another tick box exercise.
I do also understand why some families are very wary of more involvement when they have been let down by them in the past.

I think it's totally misguided to blame the culture. Such horrific violent acts are totally unacceptable in any culture. There were so many heartbreaking cases of child abuse recently. Star Hobson, Arthur Labinjo-Hughes and then there was baby P some time ago now.

Yes. But the UK family courts generally refuse to accept any allegations of abuse. So resident parents generally get nowhere with court-bodies such as CAFCASS. We are just accused of being bitter, emotional revengeful etc. Pick your own word. Particularly if you are female. That has to stop. As you note involvement of a step-parent (often more likely to be male, so often female step-parent abuse goes undocumented) can involve injury to a child.

Abuse is abuse. It should not be normalised in any culture. Abusing children is not right in ‘Muslim’ or ‘Asian’ or ‘Black’ or any other religion or culture.

Its something that happens across all human societies and should be rightly condemned by all human societies.

And I say this as a Muslim who believes that children are a blessing and a trust from God and we will be judged on how well we raised our children and whether or not we fulfilled their rights.

I'm not so sure you're right. An 18 year old Pakistani lad I worked with married his 14 year old cousin and brought her over from Pakistan. This is far from uncommon and when I raised it was told it's the culture, I'm racist blah blah blah... i.e. shut up.

Poor girl not allowed out his flat on her own, not allowed to learn English etc etc. Some cultures are like this! We even have FGM in this country, something that didn't exist 50 years ago. My mind boggles at why people come here and won't adapt their cultural practices. Of course not everyone does these things but it is far from uncommon.

You think the state should control the education of dc because of a tiny minority of abusive parents?

I spend my working days in the criminal courts. Unfortunately violence against women and girls is incredibly ingrained in white British culture, as evidenced by the revolving door to the crown court populated by white men.

I think the difference is that white women are more likely because they feel more able to access DV services and to speak to the police. For many reasons Muslims or British Asian women don’t appear to be reporting the violence. I actually can’t remember the last time I saw a Muslim woman (obviously I don’t know everyone’s religion but there are often cultural signs) in court as a victim of DV. Maybe as a society we need to think about how we can make it easier for different cultures to access help and to speak up.

The text messages between the step mum and her sister are awful. Reading the quran absolves the perpetrator of the abuse he is causing?? Interestingly the aunt blocked the step mum after the poor child was found dead. All of it ridiculous. Poor child suffered so much.

I think if you put your bigotry aside for just a moment, you'll find that child abuse is very much a normalised part of your own culture as well. It's everywhere, it's not particular to any social group.

We all need to be better at looking out for each other and reporting evidence of abuse, especially of children.

I find it odd that this well known fact about step parents is ignored by so many.

It's the same with the disabled, abused heavily by state employees and suffer domestic abuse by a partner at much higher levels.

Data collected on the percentage of disabilities in certain groups is considered taboo by some.

People don't want to collect crime data either, that may help target help for those in need.

I've said it before and i'll say it again.

The "home educating" is a red herring. She wasn't being home educated (do you think her dad sat down and went through text books with her?) - they lied about home educating her to keep her away from school and the authorities.

It's absolutely nothing to do with home schooling.

Poor little Sara was living in a very, very white area when she was murdered .

this case just breaks my heart. This poor child was so let down

Aunt probably just covering her arse and making sure nothing could come back on her.

What on earth does that have to do with her parents culture!

The thing is, cases like this always bring out the "why didn't the neighbours report?" "Why didn't the school flag it up?" but then as soon as someone from MN posts about school or a neighbour reporting them to SS it's full of "nosey sods, nothing to do with them" and "I'd tell them to do one and refuse to speak to them".

In one not so long ago when the children were ill the first couple of weeks when they were due to start a new school - when moving schools is a common tactic to hide abuse and let children slip through the net - and the school came to check on them people were outraged on the OPs behalf at how nosey and interfering they were.

If folks want to help children in bad situations people, schools, children's clubs, friend's parents - everyone - has to be encouraged to report concerns and everyone has to understand that that protection for all children might mean you have to answer a few awkward questions when your child says something daft or random.

The other issue is the threshold of when SS will, or can, get involved. When my father abused us there was even more hell to pay if a neighbour complained or someone knocked the door. If people feel it'll just be brushed off then it's understandable they are nervous of antagonising an already bad situation. Especially when if they say anything to anyone about reporting they're likely to get a load of shit from people about being interfering, telling tales etc

The step mum failing to protect this girl is awful but let’s not forget it was her father who inflicted this on her.

I don't necessarily disagree with you about basic checks on EHE children's welfare, education etc except I do disagree with this statement 'If the child is thriving, the parents will have nothing to fear from regular welfare checks.' Some children/ families (particularly neurodivergent families) absolutely thrive on quite an alternative approach to education and life and this is often very poorly understood by local authorities.