Sharing a room is a 'sign of poverty'?

[DesTeeny]

A close friend has said that sharing a room as children is a sign of poverty.

AIBU to think this just isn't true?

Context: We have the opportunity to be mortgage free in a 3 bed house through inheritance, our two DC (3 & 1 both girls) will share a room and we will keep a spare room.

Spare room is for family/friends visiting as we have no nearby relatives so we have people to stay often but will be used as a 'break out' room for DC if they need space. We will set it up with a desk for homework, and a day bed to read and relax on, but it is quite a small box room so it seemed sensible to have DC share a very large room (15*13ft) rather than one DC have a huge room and one have a tiny one.

The room is big enough for a day bed so for example my Mum will be able to stay, or our nieces and nephews on a day bed and a pull out, but other than a desk and a day bed there's no room for anything else.

The alternative was that we use the inheritance to take out a mortgage on a 4+ bed house, but we don't see the point as the house we have is a large 3 bed and will suit our needs entirely (from our perspective).

However, close friend has said that sharing a room is a "sign of poverty" and can't believe we're even considering it when we could have a larger house with a mortgage.

*i live in an affluent area. The number of kids who share rooms is much higher than when I was a child, not because of poverty but because middle class families can't afford executive large houses anymore.

It's a sign of the cost of housing increasing, not a sign of poverty.*

Exactly this. And also more people need space to work from home now too whereas it was much less commonplace pre Covid.

I'm in a 3 bed but my 2 children (boys) have shared for the last 3 years as I use the 3rd bedroom to work in. However, my eldest is 10 next year and I want him to have his own room before he starts secondary school so I'll be looking to give the youngest the 3rd bedroom. I'll have to fit the desk downstairs somehow or sort out a garden room.

I'm not poor but we need more space than we did when we bought the house.

I shared with my sister until my teens. We lived in a seven bed house! We just did until she asked to have her own room.
Your friend is nuts, but I wouldn't keep a room just for guests once they start asking for their own rooms. Mind you, you may well have moved again by then.

I actually think this is a from poverty view. Sharing rooms I'm a tiny flat where there's no option not to is very different to a large house with lots of space.

It's like the people who grew up poor only buying new clothes for their children and refusing 2nd hand because that's all they hand.

The wealthy all have their children running round in hand me down rags and the kids all share rooms by choice.

I think this is a brilliant plan, you have the back big bedroom, and move wall at front to make front bedrooms equal size. Perfect solution for the future. My two were happy to share, but there does come a stage where they want their own space (obviously only if possible).

Well, not quite. The two tiny children share a big bedroom and there's a small single as a spare for their frequent overnight guests.

I shared a room until age 14, and I craved my own space. I still do. It is a defining part of my personality now. I need my own space so badly, because I never had it. For that reason, I made sure my children didn't have to share. I know I am projecting.

Don't listen to your friend. She must be jealous of your large house to say something so offensive and petty. It sounds as if the room arrangements work well for you.

As a plus, I think sharing a room makes kids better people...because they had to share.

I needed and still need my own space very much too, as did my sister. But we were OK sharing when we were small and didn't know any different.
Some children on the other hand seem to thrive on sharing space and continue happier living close to other people later in life. It's also cultural I think - if everyone shares, it's just part of life.

A few posts of the “well my kids love it” well yes because they are 5 and 3 or similar. Very different story at 15 and 13….

Room allocation definitely evolves over time. Ours enjoyed sharing so I rented out the largest en suite room to foreign students. However dd1 hit 10 and was very keen for her own space. She moved into the student room and that was the end of that income stream !

I wouldn't have a spare room if people hardly visit, seems like a waste of a room. Can't family just sleep in one of the kids' rooms and your child get an airbed?

We're expecting our second and they will probably be sharing since our 3rd bedroom is full of books and my craft table (we don't have a dining room). If it was a problem i'm sure we would give them their own room and hoping to move in next 10 years too.

It's only a sign of poverty if you don't have a choice.

I think it would be lovely for your girls to share a room but u know what your friend means as most people wouldn't do that if they had the space - would your girls share if you had four bedrooms? She is rude to say that to you.

I think your current set up sounds perfect and very suited to the embrace of extended family which is how you live your lives. I think it sounds lovely actually. I shared with my sister until she was maybe 13 and I was 10ish and I have very happy memories of us chatting lying in bed. It would have worked less well deep into teenage years but you're a decade away from having to worry about that. Your friend is an idiot.

Agreed, Waiting for Mojo. The teens will want a room each.

IMO you have a funny idea even of ‘relative’ poverty.

Next we’ll be hearing that a family who has to make do with a holiday in Spain, because they can’t afford The Maldives, is suffering from relative poverty.

It was my first thought too. The shape/layout of the rooms makes it particularly viable if the wall won’t be astronomically expensive to knock through.
We looked at doing this in our house so we could all be on one floor and both kids have decent sized rooms and in our case it would have been very affordable. In the end though we decided we likely wouldn’t care about all being on one floor as they got older so they shared for a while and then when they were bigger we moved around.

Oh I totally hear you. I thi k I thought of kids sleeping apart from parents.
But you're so right, they were in nurseries together (probs even with the nanny)and dorms at school!

And I totally agree with you about the sleeping problems! Western cultures also have the highest levels of SIDS. Could just be correlation but with co sleeping cultures(ie Japan, Africa), there is hardly any SiDS)
I find that sooo interesting. We know mums help regulate breathing and heart beats.

Your friend is silly.
When your girls get bigger they will want their own rooms though, teens really do need their own space.

I can't see how a spare room is a waste but a whole room for your craft table is just fine...

Even in that case, I think your mum should be the one with the smaller room space - she has the option of staying with other siblings, staying in a hotel, or shortening her stay. It's not her home.

Your children don't have that option. I'd explore moving an internal wall to even up the room space; but if that can't happen, decorate both rooms neutrally and swap them yearly. The older child will need less and less space as they grow.

Because I use it a lot. There's also an entire floor to ceiling long wall of books, dvds etc so it's also used a lot for storage

I had to share a bed with my MOTHER until I left home at 18, so you’re definitely not in poverty (we definitely were). You’ll find your girls will want the spare room once they’re older though.

I am sure you do.. it still seems mad to me to value storage over your child having their own space but you do you

We live in a 5 bed house, and all 3 of our children (who are the same gender and also close in age) share a room because they enjoy being together. It never occurred to me that people would think it’s a poverty thing! Their room is big, to be fair. I suppose there is a difference between sharing by choice and sharing even when you want your own space because there isn’t room anywhere else.

Yes, there is a difference. I’m sure you understood that really, or you wouldn’t have mentioned your 5 bedrooms house 😂

I mentioned the number of rooms to illustrate that even though we have space for everyone to have their own room, they share anyway. Sharing in itself is not the sign of poverty, overcrowding is.