Sharing a room is a 'sign of poverty'?

[DesTeeny]

A close friend has said that sharing a room as children is a sign of poverty.

AIBU to think this just isn't true?

Context: We have the opportunity to be mortgage free in a 3 bed house through inheritance, our two DC (3 & 1 both girls) will share a room and we will keep a spare room.

Spare room is for family/friends visiting as we have no nearby relatives so we have people to stay often but will be used as a 'break out' room for DC if they need space. We will set it up with a desk for homework, and a day bed to read and relax on, but it is quite a small box room so it seemed sensible to have DC share a very large room (15*13ft) rather than one DC have a huge room and one have a tiny one.

The room is big enough for a day bed so for example my Mum will be able to stay, or our nieces and nephews on a day bed and a pull out, but other than a desk and a day bed there's no room for anything else.

The alternative was that we use the inheritance to take out a mortgage on a 4+ bed house, but we don't see the point as the house we have is a large 3 bed and will suit our needs entirely (from our perspective).

However, close friend has said that sharing a room is a "sign of poverty" and can't believe we're even considering it when we could have a larger house with a mortgage.

I don't agree with yout friend. Its all relative and it would depend on the ages of the kids sharing. For example if you had a boy OP your girls would have to share. I wouldn't assume you need to move house otherwise you will be seen as poor! In fact quite the opposite!

Your kids are little but I would let your daughters have their own room in a few years.

These DCs are 3 and 1. I have no idea why you going on about young adults. A lot of things could change in 15 years lol.

My DDs wanted to share when they were 6 and 2. Had moved house and they had a room each but sneaked in each other's room and even bed nightly.

But the visitors ARE in the smallest space. The DC bedroom is the same size as my front room so plenty of room for 2 tint kids. Hardly crammed in

Given how much it costs to move house with stamp duty and legal costs etc, I would want to be in a house that would last us the long haul - unless of course I really couldn't afford it.

Your friend is a moron. I shared bedrooms all my childhood although we were relatively well off. We now have a 6 bedroom house and had 3 children have at various times chosen to share.

I can see you might think that if you live somewhere housing is very cheap so it’s more unusual.

Here in London it’s not at all uncommon to see bunkbeds in £1m+ flats in fancy areas - they definitely aren’t living in poverty

The children are 3 and 1, it's totally fine to share. Such a big room too.

Stamp duty will still be cheaper than interest paid on a mortgage.

That depends on your interest rate and stamp duty bill.

And it is a huge hassle to move when you have kids in school and have to worry about staying near their school or changing school.

Also plenty of kids don't share well even when they are young.

Of course it doesn’t mean you’re in poverty if your children share!
Children sharing was very common and separate bedrooms is a very new “need”.
Many children still choose to share with their siblings.

I'm seeing SO many negative posts recently about room sharing on social media etc and tbh I'm getting really fed up of it. Where has all this the room come from?! Is it a new fad of attention?? And now we have to link the word poverty to it to make parents with children who share feel even WORSE about it?!?!

Sharing a room isn't just about how much money you have. It is also about the layout of your house, family dynamics, circumstances, children's preferences.

Why do we all have to be SO judgemental?!

You're a bit dramatic. People move house all the time with kids. Op has a 3rd bedroom anyway. They're toddlers.

Surely you would know if you are in poverty? Can you afford to eat? Have you money to save? Such a weird thing for a friend to say.

Crikey, she sounds like hard work. You’ve got a great set up there with a spare room should the kids need separate rooms in the future. I grew up in a big house with plenty of space and shared with my sister for months on end when necessary.

My two girls, 3 and 4 share. Used to have eldest daughter in the box room and baby in the larger bedroom as needed to accommodate her cot and a myriad of other things but they asked to share and love it! I enjoy hearing them tell each other bedtime stories, so cute! Box room just stores clothes and toys, sure they'll separate when older but for now makes more sense to keep together. I'd ignore your friend, sounds a bit clueless to me, maybe she doesn't have kids of her own?

Who cares?!!!! Do what works for you, lovely to share when you're a kid. Much nicer than being alone in isolated rooms!

I've never had a room of my own ever ! Went straight from sharing with my sister, to shared student room, to sharing with now DH.
I had three boys all sharing a room at one point, to allow room for a playroom. It worked for a while but we did move to a bigger property when they were all teens. Downside is two are back home in their 20s.
I have moved into DS3s room so DH and I can sleep better, at last my own room.
Never counted as poor, at least by HMRC standards.

I hated sharing a room as a child and I would never choose to live in a home where my dcs couldn't have their own room. I would rather have been one and done than have my children have to share.
Mine are still young (youngest is in our room) and might choose to share for a while, but I would want them to always have the option of having their own room, which I expect they would choose by the time the eldest is 10 or so, maybe earlier. We don't have a spare room and anyone who wants to visit can book a hotel nearby.

What your friend thinks is her opinion. While she’s entitled to her views, I don’t agree with that statement of hers. Your opinion is different. I think your rationale makes total sense to me. You have two young daughters and they are lucky to share a big room. You are lucky to have surplus funds and no debt . That’s a very fortunate position to be in. Do what is best for you and your family.

Well the statutory requirement is that if opposite sexes over 8 have to share a habitable room for sleeping who are not a couple then you are legally over crowded and that is a sign of poverty. A habitable room is every room other than kitchen and bathroom with lighting and adequate ventilation and greater 5 sq metres. So if you have 3 bedrooms and a living room you are well above that and not in poverty as defined by your housing. Hope that reassures you that a mortgage free house with a spare room is not plunging your children into poverty😁

@ClaredeBear find me a law that says that for any part of the UK?

It might be guidelines for social housing but I don't believe it is law.

I enforced it for years. Try googling Housing Acts and overcrowding.

I haven't RTFT but I think your friend might have and misunderstood (which doesn't seem unlikely, all things considered) part of a Barnado's report on child poverty that was published a year or so ago. It's not sharing a bedroom she means, it's sharing a bed.

Other types of bed poverty would be having to sleep on the floor, not being able to replace broken beds or mouldy/damaged bedding and parents giving up their beds so children have somewhere to sleep. The report found that 11% (894,000) of children had been affected by bed poverty in the last twelve months.

Try section 325 and 326 of the 1985 Housing Act. I apologise its 10 for sexes. It's 20 years since I was enforcing it in UK and it's different in Ireland where I now work. But you will see there is a sharing sex standard and a room space standard for over crowding and the definition of a habitable room that can be used for sleeping. I didn't post all that as it wasn't relevant. Just made the point there is law in this area.

I've shared a room literally my whole life! Never poor, and most of my friends also shared rooms growing up. As a pp said families have gotten smaller so is easier for kids to have their own rooms now.
I know it's not an issue now due to their ages, but keeping a room just for guests is weird but as long as they can have their own room in the future I don't see any problem.