Is this all just friendly, or am I being paranoid?

[Theyu4]

I have a work colleague (London/banking) who has become very close with me over the years. I can’t work out if he’s genuinely nice to me for no reason or if there’s more to it. Perhaps my judgement is clouded by the fact that many “friendly men” in my career ended up making a move on me, etc.
He has been a lifesaver at work. We support each other; he helps me, and I help him. He’s always there for me.
But I can’t shake the feeling there’s more in it: for instance, I have another senior member of the department commenting on our close relationship, he comes to my desk a lot to chat, he calls me on the pretext of work and can easily talk for 40 mins, he compliments me on my work performance, he told me a lot of deeply personal things. But equally, we never text outside work hours, and he never said anything inappropriate. The thing is that he’s not like this with others at all at work. Lately, he’s been involving me in his projects and client meetings when that’s not essential.
The other day, he came to my desk and said, "I saw you smiling, and you looked happy, so I wanted to say I am glad you are." Maybe this could be acceptable for an extroverted individual but not for a 50-something introverted married man.

Should I lean in and let him be there for me or keep my guard up? Maybe my past experiences are clouding my judgment.

For context, we are both at the same level at work.

Yeah, wife/kids.

Well, he finds you nice and pleasant to be that way to you. He likes you , whether as a friend or more, but he does, that is for sure

Fuck me what had the world come to...the other day a toddler ran past me and I said to the mum "I wish I had that much energy" in your world I'm a pedo!

Friendship is great in the work place, this guy obviously trusts you and wants you to support him. If it's the type of banking environment I viewed from the outside back in the 00s I guess it can be competitive and nasty. He wants to support your career.

Clearly the conversation is a two way thing and you get on. As long as he doesn't overstep the mark then all well and good.

myself and 3 women managed 120 people without any line management support, most were temps and we had very tight targets. We worked very very well together and all 3 became very good friends...but as loan male I became equally close to them and we spent quite a bit of time socialising. Because my wife had the same first name as one of them, a few colleagues that we had limited contact with thought we were married! I'm still Facebook friends with them and we message often nearly 30 years later

If people are commenting on it to your face then god knows what they’re saying behind your back. Step back and keep it ultra professional.

That’s what I am confused about. He’s so lovely and goes out of his way to be there if I ever need anything. He’s respectful, and all the compliments he gives are related to my work and my personality. He says stuff like, "We are the same, or I thought you would have appreciated this comment." Again, there is nothing wrong with those comments.

Yes, I am. Equally, if we are to be honest, he's objectively attractive.

I expect maybe he has a crush on you but is not planning on doing anything about it beyond investing in the friendship at work.

Honestly I think don’t overthink it. If you start analysing every word he says, you might build it up in your head and make it a thing. It sounds fine, nice even.

“We support each other; he helps me, and I help him. He’s always there for me.”

”our close relationship”

”he told me a lot of deeply personal things”

”Should I lean in and let him be there for me”

What struck me on re-reading this is your phrases are the sorts of things one normally writes about a romantic partner not a workmate. If you were his wife, would you genuinely be ok with your husband being this way towards an attractive younger woman and with her using this sort of language about her relationship with him? Because I wouldn’t be.

Oh come on!! Gently OP, get over yourself. If this were a female colleague we were talking about people would be saying she’s a great ally.
It is possible for men and women to have wonderful friendships without it being more. I have a couple of people that I have working relationships like this with, male and female, and I have no sexual interest in them. I am different around them because I consider them as friends.
You say yourself he has never ever overstepped in over a year, take it at face value.
can’t believe some people are calling him a creep and talking about him wanking in loos at work simply because he’s developed a close friendship with a younger, attractive colleague. Some real man hating rubbish on here.

Not on my end.
To be transparent, having someone continually praise, support, and compliment you can sometimes make you a bit conflicted. But I have no interest in jeopardising my family.

Rubbish!🤣

You make some valid points here.

Unfortunately, this is also my experience, which is why I am normally guarded.

I also have good and close work relationships with a number of men and women, but I am not getting confused about their nature.

I'm a man, and was very close to my best friend who was a woman. I loved her and her husband (they're dead now). Sometimes people just hit it off.

I think it's a bit odd that he didn't introduce you to his wife.

I think it's a bit odd that he didn't introduce you to his wife

So do I. In fact, I can't help wondering whether he has caught himself suffering from mentionitis at home, and it's dawned on him that the less he mentions the OP to his wife the better.

@Theyu4 Next time he wants a chat, ask him what he's buying his wife for Christmas.

I've had a number of really lovely male colleagues and mentor types who never crossed the line. A few who did. Either way, I always like to stay professional - you can be close and friendly without making yourself too open or reliant on someone.

At work, you have to look after number one first and foremost - no one else is going to put your interests above their own unless it's advantageous to them in some way.

'Due to my nice looks...'

This has got be AI surely?

He might be just lightly exercising his 'still could if I wanted to' muscle in what he perceives is a safe environment/person. He makes sure to keep his wife compartmentalised from that. And never crosses the line of plausible deniability.

Some people love flirting at work. Some are subtle and see how the other side reacts which I believe is what he's doing. I work in a male dominated industry and I've seen married men the kind who talk about their family, ask for donation for their kids, wives, trying their luck with younger attractive females. You can be friendly but still keep some boundary.

I think @Mydahliasareshit has it about right.... but I find the way you talk about him rather odd: ”Should I lean in and let him be there for me” and "he's always there for me". What do you need him to "be there" for? That feels like very romantic language and is frankly a bit odd around a work relationship.

my work bestie is like this. Just a really lovely person. He makes me feel like i’m one of the nicest people on the planet.