Page 17 | Neighbour is a convicted paedophile

Abitlosttoday · 2024-10-30T21:17:23+00:00

I have just found out that our close (proximity-wise) neighbour has been given a suspended sentence for looking at peadophilia online. His address, in the news report of court proceedings, is not our street but an address in a different town. However, it is him (there's a clear photo) and he has been living on our street with his partner for at least a year. I saw him a few days ago when he pulled his two dogs out of the way so I could pass with my kids. They're 4 and 7. (The kids, not the dogs!) I don't know what to think. It's a small street. I can see into his living room from mine. It's a small town too. His partner is my SIL's sister's boss. I don't know their names though - that's the level of familiarity. Just because my head is battered with half-term and I am exhausted, aibu to ask what your thoughts would be about this situation. All his crimes were online but some of the images were the worst sort. We only know because another neighbour has a distant work connection to the guy. He may believe he has some anonymity here. I cried when I heard. I'm angry too. My head hurts, but that may also be because of this endless school break!

HRTQueen · 01/11/2024 16:39

Oldanddelulu · 01/11/2024 14:28

Ok, really simplifying it (yet being oddly specific) as an example. A pattern I saw a lot (yes, there is an element of having an excuse etc) was as follows; Person is going through a difficult life experience, uses common self-soothing tools, such as masturbation, drugs and alcohol to ‘feel better’. Life spirals, use of those tools increases, the porn they always used no longer gives them the thrill it once did (same as any other addiction), they start looking at harder stuff (on legitimate sites still at this time), they look for more, they find sites that, although they are legal, allows pop-ups for things that are close to the line… the use of alcohol and certain drugs (cocaine particularly) acts as a disinhibitor, and the once sturdy boundary of not watching extreme porn is overcome…they click on those links, they take them to other sites with access to more extreme images… and down the addiction rabbit hole we go. It’s the extremity of the image that gives them the thrill. The shock factor. Not the child, if that makes sense. Some people have images of beasitiality, it doesn’t mean they’re sexually attracted to your poodle. Also, these links often lead to sharing forums where they don’t necessarily know what is in the files they’re receiving. There could be 300,000 images of adults engaging in consenting acts, and 50 category A images that they’ve never actually accessed.
This is just an example of how people can end up on the register without actually being a viable risk to children. Please don’t think I am minimising these offences. Demand does increase the supply, and indeed, some people convicted of online offences are absolutely a risk to children in real life. But my point was, look after your children, be vigilant of ALL behaviour around your children. That man might be the least risky man in your child’s life at this moment in time.

Yes have heard similar or depression and confusion over their sexuality

And no surprise that a few years down the line what happens they are caught again

It may be the shock factor, they cruelty, the wrongness of it all its all irrelevant that have become part of the abuse cycle so are a danger to children hence why the are on the sex register

Mjmum10 · 01/11/2024 18:46

I did not say in that scenario it would be the mother's fault, way to reach. I don't engage with people who are aggressive sorry, your definitely the type of person I keep away from my children
Only person I really trust with my kids are very close family. Basically just my mum and partner. I have never seen anything but loving, normal behaviour from them. If something were to happen, which it won't, I wouldn't blame myself or someone in that situation.

What I am trying to say, if I'm supervising my kids, or their dad is, they're much safer to me than at the mercy of a stranger. I don't let my son play outside without supervision.
I stand by my statement strangers are overall more of a risk. And the risk has gone up in the last 20 years with mental health, drug use, increased population and the depravity of the internet. This post highlights it, you could have a nonce next door and not know. I sympathise with the op.
Don't like my opinion, got anymore hypothetical situations or words to put in my mouth? Don't care, move on

HollyKnight · 01/11/2024 18:54

Oldanddelulu · 01/11/2024 14:28

Ok, really simplifying it (yet being oddly specific) as an example. A pattern I saw a lot (yes, there is an element of having an excuse etc) was as follows; Person is going through a difficult life experience, uses common self-soothing tools, such as masturbation, drugs and alcohol to ‘feel better’. Life spirals, use of those tools increases, the porn they always used no longer gives them the thrill it once did (same as any other addiction), they start looking at harder stuff (on legitimate sites still at this time), they look for more, they find sites that, although they are legal, allows pop-ups for things that are close to the line… the use of alcohol and certain drugs (cocaine particularly) acts as a disinhibitor, and the once sturdy boundary of not watching extreme porn is overcome…they click on those links, they take them to other sites with access to more extreme images… and down the addiction rabbit hole we go. It’s the extremity of the image that gives them the thrill. The shock factor. Not the child, if that makes sense. Some people have images of beasitiality, it doesn’t mean they’re sexually attracted to your poodle. Also, these links often lead to sharing forums where they don’t necessarily know what is in the files they’re receiving. There could be 300,000 images of adults engaging in consenting acts, and 50 category A images that they’ve never actually accessed.
This is just an example of how people can end up on the register without actually being a viable risk to children. Please don’t think I am minimising these offences. Demand does increase the supply, and indeed, some people convicted of online offences are absolutely a risk to children in real life. But my point was, look after your children, be vigilant of ALL behaviour around your children. That man might be the least risky man in your child’s life at this moment in time.

This is just an example of how people can end up on the register without actually being a viable risk to children.

The thing you're leaving out, or maybe don't realise, is that when someone's morals and boundaries have been eroded to this degree, their behaviour will continue to escalate if they are not removed from society. Because it will get to a point where they become so desensitised to images of child abuse that it won't be enough to give them that thrill anymore. Sometimes all it takes is opportunity for them to take the next step into physically abusing someone else. There isn't as big a step between viewing images and physically harming someone as you might think.

And once that step has been taken, there is no undoing it.

Anyone whose morals and boundaries are corrupted will always be a danger to other people.

Oldanddelulu · 01/11/2024 19:55

Oh I realise (and know) a lot more than you think. But this isn’t the place for a lecture on sexual recidivism

HollyKnight · 01/11/2024 21:39

Hmm well then I don't understand how you can say there are people on the register who are not actually a viable risk to children. Whether that be paedophillia, incest, bestiality, necrophillia etc, they've already crossed the line into sexual deviancy. It isn't their morals that are stopping them from progressing. Hence they are all a risk to other people.

NoisyDenimShaker · 03/11/2024 01:49

Darkblueandgreen · 30/10/2024 23:44

I agree. I don’t know why pedophiles are ever released.

I know this sounds horrible and it’s upsetting but they’re attracted to children, prison won’t stop that. People don’t like to discuss it because it sounds horrendous to say that children are someone’s ‘type’ but it’s true. Whether it’s a genuine attraction or one based on power, that attraction is still there no matter how long they go to prison.

Some pedophiles have tried to chemically and physically castrate themselves, have contacted helplines and have even resorted to suicide because they cannot stop feeling that attraction.

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It must be more evil than simply feeling attraction though, because I've met plenty of men I've been attracted to but I've never wanted to force unwanted touch on them! And if it was only (only!) a matter of attraction, the fact that it's wrong and is guaranteed to damage the children would stop them. I'm not sure I believe the attraction hypothesis. I think it's power and control, like all sexual abuse. And like all forms of violence, it comes from wickedness and evil. I think pedos try to pebble this attraction thing so that people will feel sorry for them and say they're unwell. Like all people who attack others, they're just monsters - but particularly sick ones.

ZoeSed · 04/11/2024 10:52

He will have conditions he has to follow you need to ensure his address has been updated because he may not be able to live within a certain proximity to children