Neighbour is a convicted paedophile

[Abitlosttoday]

I have just found out that our close (proximity-wise) neighbour has been given a suspended sentence for looking at peadophilia online. His address, in the news report of court proceedings, is not our street but an address in a different town. However, it is him (there's a clear photo) and he has been living on our street with his partner for at least a year. I saw him a few days ago when he pulled his two dogs out of the way so I could pass with my kids. They're 4 and 7. (The kids, not the dogs!) I don't know what to think. It's a small street. I can see into his living room from mine. It's a small town too. His partner is my SIL's sister's boss. I don't know their names though - that's the level of familiarity. Just because my head is battered with half-term and I am exhausted, aibu to ask what your thoughts would be about this situation. All his crimes were online but some of the images were the worst sort.
We only know because another neighbour has a distant work connection to the guy. He may believe he has some anonymity here. I cried when I heard. I'm angry too. My head hurts, but that may also be because of this endless school break!

I agree that I would find it uncomfortable too living so close to a paedophile . Maybe send him an anonymous letter through the post telling him you know he is a paedophile and will be watching if he has contact any young children in your vicinity and will inform other parents locally !! Maybe he’ll move!

Chances are you've got a paedophile on your street, or even your neighbour and potentially in your family.

I’m well aware of that! That doesn’t mean I’m happy about it! And if I know about one I would be doing everything I can to make their life difficult. I’m not going to tolerate a peadophile like most other people seem to suggest. This is the way our society is geared up, that’s why so many get away with what they are doing, look at Huw Edward’s for example. Sexually abuse a child and most get away with it. Please don’t endorse it, trust me I know about peadophiles, half my friendship group were sexually abused as children. Certainly doesn’t mean I will accept it.

How dare you call me a paedophile supporter because I asked how you were so sure.
You have no idea of my history and experiences, and if you did, you'd realise what a fucking disgusting accusation that is, and how it makes you appear

Most child abuse happens in families.

You have to be far more concerned about grandfathers, fathers and uncles than a random neighbour that doesn't have contact with your children.

Tbh, if it was bothering me badly, I'd go and knock his door, be pleasant and ask if you can have a word. State that you have seen the info about him in the public domain and, not unreasonably, it concerns you as you have 2 small children. Just be clear with him that you know, that you will be vigilant and that you will be asking him to keep his distance from your children otherwise you will immediately report; it isn't a threat but a consequence if he doesn't do so.
No need to be nasty or confrontational, just state your stance and he can't complain that you have just put him in the picture about how you feel.

Please also consider that he may not be well, may be mentally disturbed and dealing with other unknown issues. Once you have notified him and been even in your approach, perhaps it will help how you feel because you proactively took control of the situation and he is in no doubt about that.

True. Worth thinking too that one reason for more abuse in families is proximity and access.

Sadly now this convicted offender has proximity and consequently has potential access.

We moved house and I met a nice elderly neighbour, we became quite friendly. I helped him with his front garden. He was taken to hospital and I was asked to feed his cats. There were pictures of half naked teenagers on the walls of his house. I was so freaked out. I had a teenage Dd. He’d offered her free piano lessons. He was a convicted paedophile, the other neighbours knew but I had no idea. I think you are very right to be concerned, it helps to safeguard children. I’m no vigilante, I wouldn’t cause that man any harm. But I would also not have talked to him, cut his fucking hedge, or fed his cats. My Dh spoke to him and said we don’t like your pictures, don’t speak to us again. He has since died. You are right to be concerned and I think you have had some really bizarre responses.

I know it’s a technicality, but he’s a convicted Sex Offender, not a convicted Paedophile (Paedophilia is a term used far to freely and inaccurately). He will have a Police Offender manager (if he is still on the S.O register) who will be managing his risk. If he was deemed a risk to your children, you would have been informed.

He will have no restrictions on how close he can live to children, only his unsupervised access to them (without the appropriate risk assessments in place). Some people do, but their offences will have been more ‘serious’ than viewing/downloading IIOC (not minimising that offence in ANY WAY) and they would be monitored more more closely.

You just need to focus on being a good parent and risk assessing all aspects of your children’s lives as best can with the knowledge you have. I guarantee he’s not the only RSO that lives near to you, and there will be many more who haven’t been convicted. As parents we just need to be sensible and pay attention to the behaviour of EVERYONE around our children.

This is not incorrect. Unless rules have changed. I used to work on the police station front counter and register these type of offenders every day. That was back in 2016 though so maybe wrong now

Ok this is what I'd do...
atm it seems likely to be him but not 100% so
given the age of the children tell your police of your concerns and could they confirm it's him or check DBS request from his address.
If you say "should I be worried..." they might give a subtle indication to you.
If it is him I'd consider having 'stranger danger' talk sooner rather than later and parent with his proximity in mind.
I wouldn't move purely because you don't actually know if you're going to be in a more dangerous place.
In a weird statistical sense what are the odds of more than one in a specific area....and you know your particular 'demon' so can avoid him.
Good Luck 🤞

@Oldanddelulu if your message was for me, my charming neighbour was convicted of sexual offences against children, and he was clearly sexually attracted to children. He was therefore a convicted paedophile.

God no!!! You have a civic duty to keep other kids safe too. You tell the mother. I can’t imagine why you would even think twice about this !!!!

He has neither of those things.

He doesn't have the proximity of a family member because he isn't sitting her lounge or dining room several times a year like a family member would be, he lives over the road.

He also does have the access of a family member because he doesn't go in her house and he won't be babysitting her children or taking them anywhere.

He's just a grubby man that lives in the vicinity that she can easily keep her children away from.

Unless it’s against the law to tell her. I’d find that out myself by asking the police and warning them there is a child next door who is forming a relationship with someone in his household. You can’t break the law but you can certainly make sure the police know.

You are mistaken and there has been no change in the rules.

An offender subject to the Notification Requirements is required to make an annual notification and to state any address where they regularly reside or stay. So that is only once every year.

They are also required to notify any change of address within three days.

The only offenders who are required to notify on a weekly basis are those that do not have an address where they regularly reside or stay. Typically they will be homeless and either living on the street or "couch surfing" and regularly moving from place to place.

The fact that you used to see multiple offenders every day is simply evidence of just how many people are subject to the Notification Requirements.

message was to the OP. In reference to the title of the thread. A paedophile/paedophilia is an often misused term. Having worked with Sex Offenders for a long time, I feel it is important for people to understand the difference between people who are sexually attracted to pre-pubescent children exclusively, and those who are not.

What's wrong with you?

OP I would definitely tell your friend about this man. And anyone else with kids who might befriend that couple. It's the right thing to do, to allow parents to protect their children from harm.

Why is it important?

Because it defines who is a risk to your children and who is not. Without spending all day going into details, and without minimising the offence itself (I would never do that) viewing IIOC can be the result of many things that are not related to being sexually attracted to children.

She categorically should not have told you this

Endorse what?

I sincerely hope for your sake that you're not implying I'm endorsing paedophiles.

Thank you for clarifying this

Can you summarise the reasons that they do it, if not to get off? It's not something you stumble on accidentally.