To ask if you think I’m being paranoid

[Whatfreshhell86]

I don’t know if I’m being paranoid, as this is the first time I’ve considered that my husband of 7 years might be having an affair.

I received a couple of parking fines in the post today, both for unpaid parking at a hotel carpark in the city where my husband works once a week. They included photos of our shared car leaving the hotel carpark on two different dates, one week apart. There was no time stamp but it looks like daylight.

I didn’t think anything of it at first. He’s in the city today, so I sent him a photo of the letters and told him to not park in that carpark again as an FYI. Then all of a sudden it occurred to me to ask myself why he’d be going into a hotel carpark in the middle of the day two weeks
in a row. I asked him via text and he said he has a client who lives near the hotel and that he “must have” gotten there early a couple of times and parked at the hotel so as to not show up early at his clients home (his meetings are always at clients houses).

There’s something about the fact he wrote “must have” that’s set my mind mind racing. The parking fines are from dates within the last month and he only visits clients once a week so surely he’d remember exactly why he went to the carpark. “Must have” implies to me that he’s claiming he’s not exactly sure why he was there.

Again this is the first time I’ve had my suspicions and can’t think of any other things that have happened that are typical of a cheater. We use each others phones for photos, phone calls etc and he’s never once been possessive over it. He never stops over when he goes to the city and I would describe my marriage as really happy.

AIBU to be worried that there’s something suspicious about this?

It does sounds suspicious

See what happens when he gets home. Do not mention it first. Check his body language

It does sound potentially suspicious but it could just be that he was busy when you messaged and can't quite recall why he was in that particular car park at that particular time. It could well be perfectly innocent but I don't think you're paranoid for questioning it

I think by the fact he doesn't restrict you access to his phone, he doesn't seem to be hiding anything and he could be genuine. But I also agree with @coxesorangepippin, check his body language and responses when discussing it in person. That will be more telling than talking about it on the phone. Be calm and measured, don't leap into being accusatory or that may get his back up and make it even worse. I do hope it's all innocent, good luck and let us know how it goes? 💐

I'm assuming your husband is alone in the car on the photos and doesn't have a passenger in the car?

It's a hard one OP.
Have any of his behaviours changed?
Does he normally not use must have in a message?
As you said if he visits clients once a week he should remember why he was there. Again he may have been busy when you asked him.
Can you check your bank for transactions if you have a joint account?
There must be a reason that phrase has triggered something in you.
I don't think you are paranoid BTW. Have a conversation with him when he's home.

If I am early for a client meeting I will park up somewhere, but a hotel? Really? Does it make sense to you OP, assuming you know the area?

Any other signs of affair? Could it be an escort?

Sorry OP, I think he'd know for sure if he parked there or not.. that "must have" suggests he is lying. If he'd gone to visit a client he could park outside their house if he was just going to sit in the car for a bit, or in a side road. The whole deal about being early is nonsense.

Don't hotel car parks usually state for patrons only?

I would check bank statements for any hotel bookings or call and pretend you had stayed.

Something as innocent as being early and parking up to kill some time shouldn’t cause a heated reaction from him. Anyone would say ‘.. Oh I was too earlier so parked up and wasted some time on my phone.’

Give it a week and you might get another fine.

If this was accompanied by any other signs then I’d be concerned. However, I think his explanation is credible - if I’m early for things, I sometimes park in random places to wait, like supermarket car parks.

Hi Ultra, it just shows the back of the car and you can’t see inside unfortunately.

This z

Could be something could be nothing

Also, if he was using the hotel, why would he have got a ticket? Sounds more likely he parked there without realising the car park was monitored - and received a ticket because number plate recognition identified he wasn’t staying there.

On the details you've written here, no, it doesn't look suspicious. But ... you know him and something 'jarred' with you. For that reason, I think YANBU. No clue what you'd do about it if anything, though! Does it feel like your relationship's changed at all?

Thanks everyone. Really value different perspectives on this as I don’t want to create unnecessary drama by asking what my friends/family think right now.

I normally think of him as a very honest person but yes as some of you have pointed out, there’s something off about the whole thing. I do hope it’s innocent as some of you have suggested though.

I know where the hotel is and am also confused as to why he wouldn’t just park at the end of his client’s street.

He won’t be back until late tonight but I’ll definitely be paying attention to his behaviour tomorrow. Will hold off from any direct accusations for now.

I wondered if maybe someone else had booked a room and agreed to meet him there and it hadn’t occurred to him he might get a fine. But this is me just spiralling really.

edited to delete

Thanks Garlic. No nothing’s changed as far as I can tell. Hoping I’m just being daft.

Is it possible he's using a bit of spare time to go for a drink in the hotel bar and hadn't realised he needed to put his numberplate into the machine? And possible he didn't say that on the phone because he's at work and shouldn't be drinking in work hours?

I wouldn’t go by the fact he lets you use his phone as a reason he is definitely Not having an affair (easy to get separate phone)

But I personally wouldn’t assume my DH is having an affair due to the parking scenario.

If there is nothing else then I’d think nothing of it.
I park in random places regularly. Maybe just to have 15 mins peace. He may have felt if he was outside the clients house he would have had to knock on door immediately

I can sort of imagine how "must have" could have innocently got into a text that was sent when you had just hit him with the news of the parking ticket, and his mind was racing to remember how this (getting parking tickets) might have happened
.
When I am slightly stressed and a lot is running through my mind, I could easily have started out meaning to say something like "that must have been when ..." but ended up wording it as he did instead, and not reading it through well enough to notice how it sounded.

On the other hand ...

I don’t think you are being paranoid.

This is what I think too. My ex got a ticket once in a service station for pulling in for a kip and not realising you couldn't stop for more than an hour without putting your reg details in the terminal.

If he'd have used the hotel for an hour or so in the day, why would he have a parking fine from them? It would either be free to 'residents' or he'd have paid at check in I'd have thought.

Have you looked at the hotel website to see if customers get free parking? I’d be tempted to ring them up as Mrs Yourhusband and say you had a booking that day and need proof you stayed there. See if they can find it on the system.