To ask if you think I’m being paranoid

[Whatfreshhell86]

I don’t know if I’m being paranoid, as this is the first time I’ve considered that my husband of 7 years might be having an affair.

I received a couple of parking fines in the post today, both for unpaid parking at a hotel carpark in the city where my husband works once a week. They included photos of our shared car leaving the hotel carpark on two different dates, one week apart. There was no time stamp but it looks like daylight.

I didn’t think anything of it at first. He’s in the city today, so I sent him a photo of the letters and told him to not park in that carpark again as an FYI. Then all of a sudden it occurred to me to ask myself why he’d be going into a hotel carpark in the middle of the day two weeks
in a row. I asked him via text and he said he has a client who lives near the hotel and that he “must have” gotten there early a couple of times and parked at the hotel so as to not show up early at his clients home (his meetings are always at clients houses).

There’s something about the fact he wrote “must have” that’s set my mind mind racing. The parking fines are from dates within the last month and he only visits clients once a week so surely he’d remember exactly why he went to the carpark. “Must have” implies to me that he’s claiming he’s not exactly sure why he was there.

Again this is the first time I’ve had my suspicions and can’t think of any other things that have happened that are typical of a cheater. We use each others phones for photos, phone calls etc and he’s never once been possessive over it. He never stops over when he goes to the city and I would describe my marriage as really happy.

AIBU to be worried that there’s something suspicious about this?

If it’s a holiday inn express, for example, you need to get the parking validated even if you’re staying there or you get a fine, happened to me. I hadn’t realised you needed to do this

Thanks again everyone. In answer to a couple of questions, I suppose my fear is that someone else booked a room and it didn’t occur to him that he might get fined for parking when he went in to see them.

I’m not getting much sleep at the moment because we have a small children so that could definitely be clouding my judgement either way.

I would probably get paranoid too OP. Could be something may be innocent. I agree with others see how he's acting when home

Could he have been doing something (non-affair related) that he doesn't want you to know about? Perhaps it's more innocent than we are imagining. Is the hotel located near anywhere significant that he needed to use that carpark

For now I would try to relax and not show him that I was suspicious but I would do some digging if I could.

I have known men with second phones that have hidden apps on them so I’m probably less trusting these days.

Sorry OP but it does sound a bit suspicious :(

It’s the “must have” that raises suspicion for me too. The car has been left there two weeks running. I don’t buy that he wouldn’t know for certain why he was there. Sorry @Whatfreshhell86 its a tough situation 💐

Your reaction upon hearing the "must have" is exactly the same I would have had. It sounds really dodgy and not the kind of language that you would expect to support a legit reason for him being there.
I have no doubt he has seen someone else.
I am sorry.

As someone who spent years in a relationship with a prolific and very good liar, I would say to pay close attention to those times when something he tells you seems rather lacking in detail or casually evasive.

Hire a PI on the days his goes into the city.
Or put a tracker on the car.

You could follow him yourself but I doubt he would use the same hotel.

I hope it's innocent but you need to know.

My daughter used to do volunteering last year and got a parking ticket from a hotel carpark as she’d not realised there was a time limit for free parking there, think it was 2 hours. It could be genuine. She used it as sometimes the street parking was just rammed. I’d see what he says about iit in person. Is he a hopeless liar, ie would it be over his face? I think seeing actually talk about it in person should be helpful.

No one can really tell you, but yes, I would be suspicious personally. If he parked there twice in two weeks, there's no way he doesn't know exactly why.

My level of suspicion also doubled when you mentioned that you had small children, which seems to do something bad to men's moral compass.

How is it going, @Whatfreshhell86 ? Do you have any more information?

Are his clients located in dodgy/dangerous areas? Could his car be attractive to thieves? Perhaps he parked there knowing the car park was safe/monitored? I'd probably consider doing similar myself.

Contact the company who sent the tickets and ask for specific information on it eg times. Ask the specific reason for it - overstaying or non payment. Go from there.

Maybe he didn't park on his client's road because there was no space? These days it can be difficult to find parking in cities in the day which you don't have to pay for.

If he checked in and paid for the room then his car reg would be taken.

If he walked in without registering his car as someone visiting someone in that hotel... then he'd likely get a ticket.

I think the suspicious part is more that he parked there twice. Once OK you might not know where you parked but twice and not sure has alarm bells for me!

You're not being paranoid. It's really weird. It might be ok, but keep digging.

I would be going through every single credit card and bank statement....

This is how a guy I was seeing got caught out by his DW (I didn’t know he was married). She received hotel parking fines, bided her time and eventually contacted me.

Also the working late etc…do you ever question that op?

All the people I know who’s dh’s were cheats were blindsided and thought their marriages were happy. Sorry op. Keep your powder dry and do some behind the scenes digging.

And the clear phone doesn’t mean anything…he’ll have a secret phone (look in boot of his car, inside shoes etc but it’s quite likely he’ll leave it at the office if he has one).

When I drive to London I use JustPark and they often have hotel car parks as options, if hotels are not busy ones they are often one of the cheaper alternatives.

however, you know your husband, check his body language and is he taking anything with him ie toiletries etc? Does he spend more time on his appearance?

Agree it’s not ideal.
However, a different point of view.
I had counselling for a while via someone I know. It was through an organisation and the counsellor had a small conference room at a local hotel.
I went once a week for months and didn’t tell anyone.
It’s actually more common than you think. Can’t say any more as it would be outing but it’s absolutely genuine.

Can you ask to see his diary with the clients details and the appointment?