To ask if you think I’m being paranoid

[Whatfreshhell86]

I don’t know if I’m being paranoid, as this is the first time I’ve considered that my husband of 7 years might be having an affair.

I received a couple of parking fines in the post today, both for unpaid parking at a hotel carpark in the city where my husband works once a week. They included photos of our shared car leaving the hotel carpark on two different dates, one week apart. There was no time stamp but it looks like daylight.

I didn’t think anything of it at first. He’s in the city today, so I sent him a photo of the letters and told him to not park in that carpark again as an FYI. Then all of a sudden it occurred to me to ask myself why he’d be going into a hotel carpark in the middle of the day two weeks
in a row. I asked him via text and he said he has a client who lives near the hotel and that he “must have” gotten there early a couple of times and parked at the hotel so as to not show up early at his clients home (his meetings are always at clients houses).

There’s something about the fact he wrote “must have” that’s set my mind mind racing. The parking fines are from dates within the last month and he only visits clients once a week so surely he’d remember exactly why he went to the carpark. “Must have” implies to me that he’s claiming he’s not exactly sure why he was there.

Again this is the first time I’ve had my suspicions and can’t think of any other things that have happened that are typical of a cheater. We use each others phones for photos, phone calls etc and he’s never once been possessive over it. He never stops over when he goes to the city and I would describe my marriage as really happy.

AIBU to be worried that there’s something suspicious about this?

In my experience if your gut is telling you something, you should listen.

With people having affairs, the devil is in the detail and that's often where they unravel.

There is every chance they have a separate phone to avoid being caught, and he is possibly a bit smug that he's successfully covered his tracks so I can imagine the colour his face went when you mentioned the pictures and parking fines.

Keep vigilant!

Surely if he was actually using the hotel he would have entered his registration number at reception to get free parking. Or at least been asked to pay for it.

He wouldn’t if he didn’t book the hotel and just went straight up to the room without going to reception.

It does sound suspicious but when we received our parking fine - neither myself nor my husband could remember why we went there. Turned out we didn't - we only drove in and out and the ticket was in mistake

So he’s driven in and out again at least twice? Redundant excuse anyway as he’s admitted to parking there (in a very vague way).

If he is having an affair, I’d expect him to be better at hiding it now.. but remember he might not be. Keep an open mind

They are good at hiding it until they slip up. My married man paraded me around his village holding hands, took me to his house whilst his DW was away and took me to meet his friends. So they’re certainly not always careful but actively get off on the illicit thrill. I would think it’s extremely easy for a man in the excitement of going to meet ow/a prostitute at a hotel to not consider if he needs to pay for parking/register his car.

That’s illegal, unless the car belongs to you.

This - absolutely fucking bonkers.

Back in the real world OP, I really wouldn’t worry unless you have any other suspicions.

Remember, a lot of posters on here love a drama and love to insist that every man is unfaithful based on a word or two. Absolutely nuts. I’d never post on here for relationship advice.

If he was using the hotel for an afternoon shag then surely he would have been asked for his car reg at Reception so actually wouldn't have got a ticket

Sorry but you sound woefully naive. Maybe you’ve never had experience of cheating men/haven’t been on MN very long!
Its very, very common and usually follows the same pattern/excuses. That’s why posters on here who are wise to it point out the bloody obvious. Not bc they have some mission to out all men as cheats.

The op said he’s been parked there twice despite having meetings at clients houses where the normal thing to do if early would be park on their street. She also seems confused as to why he would park in that particular hotel when visiting certain clients at their homes:

”I know where the hotel is and am confused as to why he wouldn’t park at the end of his clients streets”

Also his vague answer to her questioning “oh I must’ve - can’t really remember” (convenient memory loss) is making her (rightly) question him. He was put on the spot and floundered.

Honestly, it’s textbook. Nothing wrong in suggesting the op keeps her wits about her and does some digging. Why would you suggest otherwise?

So you can usually only park in a hotel carpark if you are a resident/guest (usually/often still with a charge, I’ve noticed recently). If you are visiting for a client meeting/conference at the hotel you would usually go to reception and register attendance/car and pay a parking charge. You wouldn’t otherwise use a hotel carpark just because it was ‘near’ a client meeting, you’d use a public carpark or park at the actual meeting venue.

Seems odd. Not sure it means he is up to anything, but as a very occasional hotel user myself, even I know not to park in a hotel carpark, so his reply seems a little disingenuous.

It does seem a little suspicious, and I don't think you're being paranoid to question it

I don't think you're being paranoid. Plenty of guys meet for hotel hook-ups in the middle of the day and that's sadly more plausible than his random parking in a hotel car park twice when street parking was available, coupled with his shifty response. He wouldn't need to have anything you could find on his phone if he just made an arrangement to meet and then deleted the message. I'd be hoping that I could look into his eyes and know if he was lying, but depends how good at covering he is. Men can often compartmentalise these things unfortunately.

Can you find out from parking company how long the car was in the car park? (Perhaps if they monitor when people drive in/leave)?

You are not being paranoid. Even if it turns out that there is an innocent explanation, it looks dodgy.

Does he need to visit this particular client regularly? If not then presumably there is no good reason for him to be near there again in near future. Regardless of what he's up to, he probably won't want to use that hotel car park again. If you put a tracker on his car (which I guess is okay if you can argue that it is also your car) you'll be able to see if he parks in the close vicinity of the same hotel and then you may be able to cross reference it with his client appointments if you have access to his diary.

Although if he is up to no good this will have spooked him and he may switch hotels and park more carefully from now on anyway. First step would be to watch his body language carefully. See if he brings up the parking tickets with some over-elaborate and unnecessary explanation. And hunt for a second phone. If he uses a regular work bag or toolbox or whatever, it could be in there. Or maybe in the car under the boot cover where the spare wheel is usually kept, or in one of those cubby holes in the boot, wrapped in something.

Its difficult to say - but you should keep an eye on things

what a shame you come to the conclusion you do

I'll get slammed for this but I'd be seeing if I could look at his email to see if anything booked. In the delete bin and see if any second emails to see if he has booked something.

Why would he remember a car park? I got a fine for driving in a bus lane in London, with photo. Did not recognise location at all (a random bit of road with a refuge in the middle), but it was my car, being driven by my brother.
Just ask if DH paid the fine. If he is having an affair his actions following this incident will tell you.

As a man reading this thread it's nice to see someone using common sense 🙂 but I'm afraid your reply will be like feeding a donkey strawberries some of the replies on here are bizarre 😄 from putting a tracker in his car to hiring a pi the funniest one was searching in his shoe for a burner phone 😂 jesus😄

in my town there is a hotel right in the center with a large underground car park. it's us used regularly by people doing their shopping and appointments. yoi take a tickets as you go in and pay at the machine no need to go near reception
with regards to op unless other things have happened this wouldn't bother me

Because you have to make an active decision to park somewhere - you have to weigh up whether it charges, the location, etc. Particularly if he has chosen this hotel car park over a client's street.

I don't see how that's similar to this, as it's clearly not a car park where you collect a ticket on the way in and pay at the machine or else he'd have done it. Twice. So it's not set up for non-hotel users to park there, hence the oddness.

Yes.
And also, if you already feel this way, don't waste your precious time and energy on playing
a detective, rather do everything to set yourself up for a single life.
I'm a middle aged grumpy cow, but honestly, this is what I'd do, given the slightest reason.
Practically very easy over here. 😉

Yes I made the look in his shoes comment - that’s how the wife of the married guy I was seeing found his burner phone and also how my bf found her dh’s secret phone - in an unused pair of shoes in the back of the wardrobe. I guess these men aren’t very imaginative..

I don’t think either of them found it very funny, but glad you got a chuckle out of it!

As I said before, the naivety of some posters is quite something to behold.

Do you ever maybe consider that you find something difficult to believe bc you’ve never personally experienced it and that maybe other people, who have, know better?

Im not sure why anyone who’s a regular on MN would be so shocked at someone suspecting their dh of cheating when he’s twice been parked in a hotel car park for no apparent reason. And then been very sketchy and vague when questioned about it.

Id say anyone with half a brain cell would be suspicious.

I received a couple of parking fines in the post today, both for unpaid parking at a hotel carpark in the city where my husband works once a week. They included photos of our shared car leaving the hotel carpark on two different dates, one week apart. There was no time stamp but it looks like daylight.

You don't get a parking penalty if you're a customer of the hotel.

What sort of parking notice doesn't give the time of entry and exit as proof that you weren't just doing a drop-off or passed straight in and out without finding a space?

Did you get to the bottom of it @Whatfreshhell86?

You don't get a parking penalty if you're a customer of the hotel.

You do if you don’t register your car at reception. Easily missed if you haven’t checked in yourself (but someone else has)
or if you’ve missed the signage and they haven’t prompted you at reception (some establishments will omit to do this as a money making exercise or maybe it isn’t in the receptionists job description to remind people - especially if it’s a cheapo hotel). It’s happened to me and the fine was retracted when I called and pointed out my hotel reservation. Also once when I parked in a small private car park and didn’t realise you had to buy a ticket - I had to provide a receipt from one of the shops to prove I was a customer and have the fine removed. It’s easy to miss signage which is usually inadequate - I myself have done it several times.

I was at the hotel with my dh though - if I’d been alone and dh had received the fine I think he’d have been highly suspicious, as would I if it was him.

They'll still give you the entry and exit time on the penalty notice though, otherwise they can't prove the car spent any time there.

There's something suspicious about a penalty notice that doesn't include a timestamp for entry and exit. I'm fairly certain it's an absolute requirement.