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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH refers to himself as my “Dad”

482 replies

GingerBreadGinge · 29/10/2024 18:22

Weird one! DH has for a long time referred to himself as “Daddy” when it comes to me. (Not sexual!)

For example if I need his help he will say “Your Daddy will do it” “Daddy do” or “Let your Dad help you” or “Your Father will fix it” He keeps saying he should really stop calling himself my Dad.

Is this infantilising? We do have kids so he is used to being “Daddy” but he refers to himself as my “Dad”

AIBU? Is this weird?? He also says “Good girl!” When I’ve done a task etc. Or “You’re a good girl!” I’m in my forties!! DS has even begun to correct him saying “She’s not a girl, she’s a woman” Etc.

AIBU?

OP posts:
MissScarletInTheBallroom · 30/10/2024 19:04

GingerBreadGinge · 30/10/2024 17:51

He has a “oddball” sense of humour.

Other stuff he says that I’ve pulled him on and our son pulls him on -

He says jokingly with a big smile in his face - “I own you” and “wives are property”

I obviously pull him up on saying such things, it’s odd, he doesn’t genuinely believe that, however he says deliberately inflammatory statements to get a rise out of me. He’s “joking” around when he says it. Tells me not to be so serious etc.

🚩🚩🚩

Radiolala · 30/10/2024 19:11

GingerBreadGinge · 30/10/2024 17:51

He has a “oddball” sense of humour.

Other stuff he says that I’ve pulled him on and our son pulls him on -

He says jokingly with a big smile in his face - “I own you” and “wives are property”

I obviously pull him up on saying such things, it’s odd, he doesn’t genuinely believe that, however he says deliberately inflammatory statements to get a rise out of me. He’s “joking” around when he says it. Tells me not to be so serious etc.

Don’t let your sons grow up thinking that this is okay.

Although you are being quite lighthearted I get the impression that you are quite vulnerable?

CRD67 · 30/10/2024 19:15

Response by saying "Nope, you're the very odd job man"

Flatulence · 30/10/2024 19:19

Grim. It's one thing if he calls himself dad around the kids - that's fine. But if it's just you and him and he not only refers to himself in the third person but does so bu using the name 'Dad' then that's a jumbo ick. Ask him to stop. Now.

Hankunamatata · 30/10/2024 19:20

I think I'd be replying wtf is wrong with you. Every single time

LordFartQuads · 30/10/2024 19:27

GingerBreadGinge · 30/10/2024 17:51

He has a “oddball” sense of humour.

Other stuff he says that I’ve pulled him on and our son pulls him on -

He says jokingly with a big smile in his face - “I own you” and “wives are property”

I obviously pull him up on saying such things, it’s odd, he doesn’t genuinely believe that, however he says deliberately inflammatory statements to get a rise out of me. He’s “joking” around when he says it. Tells me not to be so serious etc.

He gets worse the more you describe him....

Why arent you putting your foot down and telling himmvery firmly to stop it, every single time? Youre giving in and letting him have the power by not standing up for yourself ffs

I cant understand why someone would allow someone to gross them out for years and keep their mouth shut and keep opening their legs to them... he doesnt need to change because youre just going along with it

DoggingDave · 30/10/2024 19:30

GingerBreadGinge · 29/10/2024 18:22

Weird one! DH has for a long time referred to himself as “Daddy” when it comes to me. (Not sexual!)

For example if I need his help he will say “Your Daddy will do it” “Daddy do” or “Let your Dad help you” or “Your Father will fix it” He keeps saying he should really stop calling himself my Dad.

Is this infantilising? We do have kids so he is used to being “Daddy” but he refers to himself as my “Dad”

AIBU? Is this weird?? He also says “Good girl!” When I’ve done a task etc. Or “You’re a good girl!” I’m in my forties!! DS has even begun to correct him saying “She’s not a girl, she’s a woman” Etc.

AIBU?

That is not acceptable LTB straight away get a good solicitor and get the money out of joint accounts. Nobody should have to put up with this kind of sick behaviour. He will never change don't believe him if he says he'll change he won't you know what the right thing to do is good luck.

WiddlinDiddlin · 30/10/2024 19:35

People sometimes 'joke' around things they mean seriously so they can normalise it and sneak it in, under the radar.

If you object and call them out on it, then they were only joking, you were being over sensitive, you're the weirdo for having an issue with it or thinking its anything more than a joke... etc etc.

With those comments in mind, I am not sure the 'Daddy' stuff is entirely non-sexual as he almost certainly claims and you currently think. I think he absolutely IS getting off on treating you like a child, viewing you as a girl, not a woman, vs him as the adult man...

Ew. I would throw this one back but I appreciate its not that easy as you have kids with him.

TheGoodEnoughWife · 30/10/2024 19:35

How are things generally? Do you feel like you get equal say in decisions?

Sounds like he feels he is more important than you and that he is looking after you/rescuing you?

Each and every time stop what you are doing. Look at him. And tell him that is not okay. Stand him out.

itsmeits · 30/10/2024 19:42

A joke is only funny if you a laughing to. Clearly you are not. Never mind telling you not to be so serious 🙄

You need an open conversation with him. I couldn't be with a man that saw me as property.
If he sees it as he bought you from your parents I'd be return him to his mother as faulty.

NoCarbsForMe · 30/10/2024 19:51

Yes it's VERY weird!

NoCarbsForMe · 30/10/2024 19:54

Wendysfriend · 29/10/2024 18:30

Every time he says it shout really loud "WHO'S YOUR DADDY" he'll soon stop

😂😂😂😂

NoCarbsForMe · 30/10/2024 19:56

Overtheatlantic · 29/10/2024 18:39

This happens in the Deep South in the U.S.

Yep. Where they vote for Trump.

FictionalCharacter · 30/10/2024 19:57

Oh ffs. He says he knows it's weird and he shouldn't do it, but he still does it? He's deliberately being a dick.

Don't underestimate the effect of weirdness on your kids. Your son must be still very young, yet he already doesn't like it and pulls his dad up on it. Your husband will end up being intensely disliked by his kids, like my parents did.

Mine weren't quite the same as this, but both used ridiculous baby talk and infantilised each other and us. Relentlessly. Mum would call me stupid babyish names in a silly voice when I was over 40. They both seemed to think it was charming and funny. They would sneer at us and get angry if we asked them to stop. I and my sibling ended up really despising them and not wanting to spend time with them.

Your son may well end up the same, despising your H for this stupid behaviour, and you for allowing it.

FootieMama · 30/10/2024 19:58

My dh only does similar saying " Good girl" dad (meaning the.dad of the family, not my dad) always sorts everything, etc when he wants to annoy me Usually grinning, winking at the kids waiting for my reaction. But it is thankfully a relative rare occurence
Ýour husband is weird. Does he take care of you, do you let him lead you? I mean are youpassive on the relationship? I didn't read the thread sorry if already answered

Trainingfairy · 30/10/2024 19:59

Join in and reciprocate and see how he likes it;

  • Mummy will do this for you.
  • Well, I am your Mummy so of course I know better.
  • What are you going to get Mummy for her birthday?
  • Are Mummy and Daddy going to go out this weekend?
  • Well done! You've been a really good boy and Mummy is pleased with you!
That should sort it or at least provoke an ADULT conversation!
Anicecumberlandsausage · 30/10/2024 20:03

🚩🚩🚩

Also

🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤮

Run!

FictionalCharacter · 30/10/2024 20:04

I obviously pull him up on saying such things, it’s odd, he doesn’t genuinely believe that, however he says deliberately inflammatory statements to get a rise out of me.
(On the "wives are property" comments)
It isn't funny. He isn't funny. If you love someone you don't keep deliberately goading them and saying awful, stupid things that they don't like. And I'm extremely concerned about the effect on your kids.

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 30/10/2024 20:07

GingerBreadGinge · 30/10/2024 17:51

He has a “oddball” sense of humour.

Other stuff he says that I’ve pulled him on and our son pulls him on -

He says jokingly with a big smile in his face - “I own you” and “wives are property”

I obviously pull him up on saying such things, it’s odd, he doesn’t genuinely believe that, however he says deliberately inflammatory statements to get a rise out of me. He’s “joking” around when he says it. Tells me not to be so serious etc.

you seriously think he's joking?
I doubt he's joking.

He says things that are strange and inappropriate and he tells you they are jokes and to lighten up when you tell him these things are not ok with you.

That doesn't make them jokes.

Justontherightsideofnormal · 30/10/2024 20:09

LegoTherapy · 29/10/2024 18:24

How has your vagina not clamped shut?

This

chipsaway · 30/10/2024 20:13

Absolutely Ick! 🤢

DiduAye · 30/10/2024 20:13

I may just have vomitted Hed have said that to me once and once only!

OatFlatWhiteForMePlease · 30/10/2024 20:13

GingerBreadGinge · 30/10/2024 04:37

I’ve no issue with him referring to me as Mum when the kids are around and I occasionally call him Dad when they are around too - “Daddy, can you throw the ball?” or “Mammy, DS wants a story.” Etc.

The issue is with DH talking like he is MY Dad.

Me - Do you mind taking a look at the washing machine?
Him - Your Father will sort it (meaning him)
(or) - Your Daddy will do it. Say thank you Daddy. Etc.

Show quote history

‘Say thank you Daddy’ is creepy as fuck!!!!

pollymere · 30/10/2024 20:17

I'd cope with DH calling me girl but only because I've known him since I was one and he'd probably do it in a deliberately condescending tone to be funny. ("Well done, good girl!") At which point I'd probably mock thump him.

Did he grow up with his parents calling themselves Mother and Father? What rationale does he give for his odd behaviour? Maybe just tease him that the 1950's called looking for a missing person? Or insist he calls you Muther in a strong Northern accent?

My DH very occasionally refers to me as Tut Wife in a Midlands accent. He says he might say 'Let tut husband do it' but otherwise would just refer to himself as 'me'... I sometimes call him Huss -Band (as opposed to Huz-bund) if I want him to do something.

Our DC didn't feel comfortable with Dad either. He's always been Papa to them.

Zoec1975 · 30/10/2024 20:18

I wouldn’t like it at all,nothing normal about it.