DH refers to himself as my “Dad”

[GingerBreadGinge]

Weird one! DH has for a long time referred to himself as “Daddy” when it comes to me. (Not sexual!)

For example if I need his help he will say “Your Daddy will do it” “Daddy do” or “Let your Dad help you” or “Your Father will fix it” He keeps saying he should really stop calling himself my Dad.

Is this infantilising? We do have kids so he is used to being “Daddy” but he refers to himself as my “Dad”

AIBU? Is this weird?? He also says “Good girl!” When I’ve done a task etc. Or “You’re a good girl!” I’m in my forties!! DS has even begun to correct him saying “She’s not a girl, she’s a woman” Etc.

AIBU?

He would probably enjoy that - and it wouldn't be good for the kids to see you roaring that at him.

LMAO!

Yes, was it more like, "Daddio" back then?

ODPOD. And yeah, I'm sure there's lots wrong with me. In fact, I ran out of loo roll last time I tried to make a list! 😂

Don't ask me; I've had a kinky lover but never been into the Daddy thing, and neither was he.

Now THAT is annoying, that he dismisses your feelings about being called good girl. At least he agrees he should stop with the daddy stuff. I'm feeling triggered about how ex-H would dismiss so many of my feelings or blame it on hormones. If you've communicated very clearly that you don't like it and he says it's not a problem, when obviously it is because YOU HAVE SAID IT IS, then that is just infuriating. Typical of so much low-level sexism in marriage.

Fine, so just start calling him Jane. (Random choice.) Call him Jane all the chance you get, and when he objects, tell him he's being over-sensitive.

Holy shit, my Dh and I call each other "Mum and Dad" all the time! Did not know that was weird.
Like to child "Ask your father"
To me from DH " mum do you know where DS's school top is" ( answer from me most likely Nope"
Me to him "Hey , bub wants a hand with his maths homework please Dad"
Him to DS " Mum's going to the shops do you want anything?"
Me to him"Oi Daddio, come help me change these damn sheets"
Me to him" dear darling dad can you please, for the love of God put the mower away"

We must be an odd family.

I am the one that calls my adult sons "baby or babyboy or boyo or sweetie or honeybun etc" It appears I have an issue!
Oh well. We are happy.

If you aren't happy OP then that's a different thing and tell him to stop. If he doesn't, " accidentally" reverse into his car, or the letterbox, or his favourite plant Either way he won't do it again 😂

Quite frankly this is one of the oddest things I’ve read on MN

No more sex for him then.

Does your husband refer to himself as your dad?

What you are describing is entirely different. It's entirely normal to address your partner's other parent as mum/dad when addressing them in relation to your child but that is not what the OP is describing. He refers to himself as "daddy" in relation to her.

I also call my adult son "baby boy" but that's a joke and because he was, at one point, my baby boy.

This is obviously different because he did it before they had children and their child is uncomfortable with it too.

I’ve no issue with him referring to me as Mum when the kids are around and I occasionally call him Dad when they are around too - “Daddy, can you throw the ball?” or “Mammy, DS wants a story.” Etc.

The issue is with DH talking like he is MY Dad.

Me - Do you mind taking a look at the washing machine?
Him - Your Father will sort it (meaning him)
(or) - Your Daddy will do it. Say thank you Daddy. Etc.

Oh god, this would not only give me the ick it would probably just full stop trigger a complete breakdown of my marriage. He wouldn’t get passed “good girl”

Ewwwww - yes it’s weird and I have no words.

Your Daddy will do it. Say thank you Daddy. Etc.

Gross.

Stop shagging him.

@GingerBreadGinge id tell him that it's making your insides shrivell up and dry out. It gives you the ick. That you don't want to have sex with someone that call you good, girl or talks to you like a small child. It's a turn off.

@GingerBreadGinge "Say thank you Daddy"?!!!! Even if he said "Say thank you Steve/John/insert his actual name here"....that in itself would make me so annoyed! What adult tells another adult to "Say thank you". It's so infantilising and patronising. I don't know how you haven't lost it with him. Does he think he's funny or endearing? It would make me explode with rage if I was spoken to like this on a daily basis. You're a grown woman and he should be speaking to you as an equal.

Have you seen Bad Sisters, OP? Apple TV:

Set in Ireland: three sisters, one married to a man who refers to her as Mummy all the time in a way that oozes abuse. It's weaponised language and I suspect your husband knows it.

I know you've said several times it's not sexual because he doesn't do it during sex, but I think you're being a bit naive. He is absolutely getting some sort of kick out of this and I do think that, for him, there is 100% a sexual element to it.

Jesus Christ
That would be as weird as bejaysus even coming from your actual Dad, op, you know?
You sound so passively accepting. I’d have taken a hatchet to him by now.

I mentioned the Out-Laws upthread, the Belgian series that this is based on. I thought it was brilliant, but unfortunately it doesn't seem to be available any more.

*Me - Do you mind taking a look at the washing machine?
Him - Your Father will sort it (meaning him)
(or) - Your Daddy will do it. Say thank you Daddy. Etc.

urgh “say thank you daddy” 🤮he’s clearly getting a sexual kick out of it, I think that would be the end of my relationship if he didnt stop, i just wouldnt be able to get over the giant ick

You need to respond with "that's such a turn off" every time he says it.

Verbalise how he's making you feel so he truly understands it.

If you've asked him to stop because you don't like it, and he's acknowledged it's a habit and he should stop it but can't, and most importantly your children are also uncomfortable with it, you have got yourself a problem.

This isn't a case of loosening up a bit and being a bit more kink friendly, playing up like a little girl for daddy to see what happens, that's total bullshit and should be ignored.

It's not Victorian to feel repulsed by a father airing their age play fetish in front of their son to the point the son asks him to stop because it's making mother and son uncomfortable.

No we do not need to relax around this.

Honestly I think you need to give this train wreck of a man a big shock. You’ve unfortunately had kids with him, so walking away in disgust isn’t an option. Clearly also speaking to him like an adult isn’t an option either. You’ve made your points and he’s laughed at you - even without the inappropriate Daddy stuff, persisting in speaking to you in a disrespectful, demeaning way has been dismissed as you being ‘too sensitive’. So this can’t be sorted between the two of you.

I would go for the nuclear option and display his behaviour. He won’t like this in itself - which will tell you all you need to know about his levelled of awareness! - he knows what he’s doing. Book relationship counselling. Then speak to him and say that he hasn’t listened to your very reasonable boundaries on inappropriate speech or respect. Now that your child is becoming aware and upset by his language something has to be done. Counselling is booked and you will be focusing on his inappropriate language and also flagging up the potential sexually abusive element to it and your concerns about this especially as your child is becoming distressed.

He doesn’t have a choice here. If he won’t go, tell him you’ll be going yourself, flagging up the language to someone with safeguarding training will be essential now as the next step is divorce.

"Good girl" is what I say to my DOG when she obeys a command (which isn't often, but that's derailing...). She is not my equal. I expect her to do as she is told (ha!) and I am rewarding her with praise when she does.

Is your DH training you, OP? I can recommend some nice treats...