DH refers to himself as my “Dad”

[GingerBreadGinge]

Weird one! DH has for a long time referred to himself as “Daddy” when it comes to me. (Not sexual!)

For example if I need his help he will say “Your Daddy will do it” “Daddy do” or “Let your Dad help you” or “Your Father will fix it” He keeps saying he should really stop calling himself my Dad.

Is this infantilising? We do have kids so he is used to being “Daddy” but he refers to himself as my “Dad”

AIBU? Is this weird?? He also says “Good girl!” When I’ve done a task etc. Or “You’re a good girl!” I’m in my forties!! DS has even begun to correct him saying “She’s not a girl, she’s a woman” Etc.

AIBU?

For example if I need his help he will say ... “Daddy do”.

This shouldn't ever even be said to an actual child, but hells' bells at saying it to one's partner! Celibate for life.

Or “You’re a good girl!” I occasionally tell my cat that she's a good girl - but only when she is good (according to human standards, mainly based on my own comfort and convenience) which is pretty rare.

Can't tell from the info here if if it's nonconsensual kink, misogyny, or a really weird skewed view of, well, everything - but tell him to stop. If he can't or won;t or doesn't, you've got a problem.

@GingerBreadGinge so he can refrain from it in front of others. So it’s not a habit he can’t stop himself from doing and he is purposefully doing it with you.

would be be embarrassed if you told friends and family - especially in front of him?

What are his parents relationship dynamics like? Can you ask his mum when you next see them if her husband likes her to call him Daddy…

So much pearl-clutching! 😂 Kink is common and this kind of talk is pretty mild (his big mistake is not to discuss it with her). I'd be much more worried if he introduced a cattle prod into the bedroom or unveiled an Andrews cross for her birthday!

OP, don't let other posters and their Victorian shock affect you. What he's doing is actually pretty common, but he should at least as if you're into it!!

I had a kinky boyfriend and he didn't like the whole Daddy thing, thank fook, because neither do I. He tied me up with silk and proceeded to play me like a piano. After he'd got the result he wanted, his unexpected soft kiss and whispered "Good girl" in my ear, while I was still blindfolded, was the cherry on the top.

He needs to drop the Daddying and keep it all to the bedroom, but honestly, you could be in for a whole new world if you keep an open mind! Sounds like he's ready to play!

This kind of stuff is what the wildly successful Fifty Shades of Grey was all about, it's practically mainstream, so I'm surprised by all the shock on here.

I agree sexual . You haven’t realised it and he’s never told you but he’s getting kicks from it .

How do you feel about that @GingerBreadGinge

This is making my toes curl
Have you directly asked him to stop it?
You sound a bit detached from the situation
It's concerning that your DS notices too

This would be such a turn off for me.

I once slept with someone who slipped in a few "Mum"s when we were in bed. I hated it and never saw him again.

I did exactly the same thing. I think it's not uncommon.

I'm surprised by all the shock on here.

I'm not. You absolutely do not introduce a kink into the bedroom or outside it without consent, as you yourself mentioned. It's 101. What he's doing is not OK.

Bit of a leap there

God, my fanjo would seal itself shut. No words for how much ick that gives me.

It definitely a sex thing as others have said. It’s a kink.

Quite like the PP's idea of bellowing Who's Ya Daddy??? when he does it
Or "Alexa , play Cyndi Lauper's Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" - although it would be better if you just casually mention that it puts you in mind of the dad in the video.

😂😂😂😂

ODFOD. I’ve been in the kink scene. Lots of people telling themselves how cool and special they are while hiding abuse and utterly unacceptable behaviour. For example imposing infantilising incest fantasies on someone who is not consenting to them. You did read the bit where he calls himself her daddy in front of their child, right? If you think that’s just a bit of fun she needs to get behind then there’s something very wrong with you.

Oh yeah, that part is not OK. I'm referring more to the posters who seem to think the concept itself is so very out there.

I’m pretty sure it’s not sexual. DH hasn’t shown any obvious kinks that I know of. I do believe that there’s a controlling side to it though and I don’t believe it’s a healthy dynamic. He doesn’t say it in a pervy/sleazy way but seems stuck in a habit of saying it. I have pulled him up on him saying “good girl” but he sees no issue with that and sees it as me being overly sensitive.

It doesn't matter if it's out there or not. The OP doesn't like it. (Nor do plenty others, including me, and I am not against kink in general.) It wouldn't matter if 90% of the population were cool with it. The OP is not. She needs to communicate it to her husband and he needs to stop it.

I have pulled him up on him saying “good girl” but he sees no issue with that and sees it as me being overly sensitive.

A lot of men see no issue with calling women girls. Also babe. Even if we are being oversensitive, what's wrong with listening to us and not using terms we don't like?

This is absolutely a kink, whether he's admitting it or not! It's so weird! I'm all for being as kinky as you like consensually, but this isn't.. hence why it's weird! Ew ew ew! Sorry, OP. But in your shoes I'd be absolutely telling him straight - you either stop or you don't get near me intimately ever again, because it's making me sick.

I'd also approach and ask, just to be sure, if there is a kink. Then you can tell him you're not interested in being a part of it, as it does not sound like you are! (And neither would I!)

I don’t think it is - he seems to have a sexual fantasy about daughters?

I'm very much open to kink, as is DH. But the number 1 rule is consent, otherwise it's weird! We've both done some wonderful stuff; 50 Shades is laughable IMO. But the key is consent!

I don’t get why people would want to role play incest?

You need to talk to him about it. I think he is may be into a dominance/submission type of thing. The use of daddy probably not literal.

Also, I’m not sure but if you haven’t told him it makes you uncomfortable, he maybe read that as you both enjoying it. It’s ok if you enjoy it. It’s funny on here.