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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to keep my baby with me when she’s unwell?

113 replies

MojitoNoIce69 · 29/10/2024 10:12

My MIL has come to stay for 10 weeks and spend time with our 6 month old.
She normally takes the baby to her room and I won’t see her all day.
This annoys me but I let it slide.
Baby unfortunately has developed scarlet fever and is pretty miserable.
I have a medical background so I’m monitoring her to see if she needs antibiotics.
I refused when MIL wanted to take baby to her room for a few hours.
I’m happy for baby to be held in the living room with me around.
MIL is angry and saying I’m unreasonable. Am I unreasonable to want to watch my only baby when she’s unwell?

OP posts:
Redshoeblueshoe · 29/10/2024 10:14

Staying for 10 weeks - you deserve a medal. Why on earth does she take the baby to her room all day anyway ?

Jollyjoy · 29/10/2024 10:14

Absolutely not unreasonable, for you to want to be with your baby and available to her. I thought scarlet fever always needed antibiotics though? When my DD had it it was almost over by time it was diagnosed but they still gave her the antibiotics.

ExtraOnions · 29/10/2024 10:15

10 weeks … she would expect to take the baby to get room, every day for 10 weeks ?

I don’t understand why you would let it slide in the first place.

You are intelligent, competent, grown woman .. don’t be told what you can and can’t do in your own home.

Be assertive .. and just say No .. MIL will get over it, and if she doesn’t, tough luck.

Original poster
MojitoNoIce69 · 29/10/2024 10:16

We were given antibiotics and told to wait 2 days to see if she’ll get better by herself.

OP posts:
sparepantsandtoothbrush · 29/10/2024 10:18

Why on earth are you letting her take her into her room all day every day?

Does the baby never leave the house? What is she doing with her in her room all day?

Bizarre

GreenFlamingo11 · 29/10/2024 10:18

Why on earth would you allow her to take the baby in her room all day? That's absolutely bizarre.

jeaux90 · 29/10/2024 10:18

Your baby your rules. Your MIL maybe doing this from a good place but it sounds nuts to me.

Porridgeislife · 29/10/2024 10:20

She takes your baby all day? Don’t you miss her? What is the dynamic in your family that has let her think this is okay? Is it cultural?

Berthatydfil · 29/10/2024 10:20

Wtf - she wants her all in her room day every day for 10 week!
No just no. Time to stop that habit. Baby, you and her spend most of the day in communal rooms. Time to stop that.
Even more no if the baby is unwell.

ItsTheGAGGGGGGGGG · 29/10/2024 10:21

Very strange set up indeed

Original poster
MojitoNoIce69 · 29/10/2024 10:21

Thank you for your messages. It’s really helpful.
MIL feels she can look after the baby better than me and criticises everything.
I let her take the baby to try and keep the peace but I now feel empowered to say no.

OP posts:
Boobygravy · 29/10/2024 10:22

There's only one unreasonable person and it's not you.
Doesn't your baby miss you?

BlackOrangeFrog · 29/10/2024 10:23

Tell her to fuck off.

Rickrolypoly · 29/10/2024 10:26

I am so skeptical of posts like this because how tf would anyone let their MIL take their baby and stay locked up in a bedroom all day.
She is not in charge here- your house, your baby. Stand up for yourself and your child and tell her that is she welcome to tag along with you during the day but she can not take your baby for the full day into her room. If she doesn't like that then quite frankly, she can piss off.

Noseybookworm · 29/10/2024 10:30

It's very bizarre that your MIL is taking the baby to her room all day - why on earth would you allow this?? Tell her you're keeping the baby in the lounge from now on and she's welcome to spend time with you there. You need to grow some backbone OP.

Witsend101 · 29/10/2024 10:36

Not the point of your thread but scarlet fever is strep throat and we were told it should always be treated with the antibiotics. It can turn quite nasty.

CheekySwan · 29/10/2024 10:37

Why is she taking the baby into her room all day? That's very strange behaviour

Insertarandomwordhere · 29/10/2024 10:37

Are you from a culture where this is normal? Do you actually believe she is more capable of looking after your baby than you are? Because I simply can’t fathom allowing my in-laws to stay in my home for ten weeks (!) and play at being Mummy to my baby. Absolutely not a chance. They’d never dare, but if they did they’d be out my house and DH would back me up.

You sound incredibly passive about this - she’s your baby, you need to get a lot more assertive about what is best for her. That includes being with her Mummy and Daddy most of the time and not spending all day every day with MIL in a separate room.

I’d also be slightly worried about MIL’s mental health, wanting to be shut in a room all day every day with someone else’s sick infant is not a normal or healthy thing.

verycloakanddaggers · 29/10/2024 10:37

She normally takes the baby to her room and I won’t see her all day. YABU for allowing this!

godmum56 · 29/10/2024 10:38

its strikes me that A) you shouldn't have allowed your Mil to do this in the first place and B) its time to stop it now. also C) don't allow it to restart.

independencefreedom · 29/10/2024 10:39

She normally takes the baby to her room and I won’t see her all day.
Seriously, how can this be true? Who could stand their 6 month old being away from them in the same house all day?

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 29/10/2024 10:39

MojitoNoIce69 · 29/10/2024 10:21

Thank you for your messages. It’s really helpful.
MIL feels she can look after the baby better than me and criticises everything.
I let her take the baby to try and keep the peace but I now feel empowered to say no.

That's awful - your DH needs to intervene

LetThereBeLove · 29/10/2024 10:39

godmum56 · 29/10/2024 10:38

its strikes me that A) you shouldn't have allowed your Mil to do this in the first place and B) its time to stop it now. also C) don't allow it to restart.

D) start the anti biotics!

DazedAndConfused321 · 29/10/2024 10:39

You let someone take your baby from you? Don't. Get your MIL out of your house

NeckolasCage · 29/10/2024 10:40

MojitoNoIce69 · 29/10/2024 10:21

Thank you for your messages. It’s really helpful.
MIL feels she can look after the baby better than me and criticises everything.
I let her take the baby to try and keep the peace but I now feel empowered to say no.

Fucking hell.

This is so bad for your baby. A ten WEEKS old baby needs its mum, the end.

MIL cannot take care of anyone’s baby better than their mum. And deserves to be called out as the shit grandmother, controlling, playing-babies nutjob she is for even daring to try.

Stick up for yourself and YOUR baby and send the monster-in-law home, now. This needs nipping in the bud.

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