AIBU to keep my baby with me when she’s unwell?

[MojitoNoIce69]

My MIL has come to stay for 10 weeks and spend time with our 6 month old.
She normally takes the baby to her room and I won’t see her all day.
This annoys me but I let it slide.
Baby unfortunately has developed scarlet fever and is pretty miserable.
I have a medical background so I’m monitoring her to see if she needs antibiotics.
I refused when MIL wanted to take baby to her room for a few hours.
I’m happy for baby to be held in the living room with me around.
MIL is angry and saying I’m unreasonable. Am I unreasonable to want to watch my only baby when she’s unwell?

Don't try and keep the peace.

Honestly her behaviour is wild. If she has some proper child welfare concern she could take it to the authorities.

Put your foot down right now. Your baby is sick and needs a parent. Her behavior is completely nuts.

If she's taking a poorly 6 month old away from its mum she obviously has no real concern for the baby does she?

And also no clue!

10 weeks at 6 months old, that’s over 1/3 of your baby’s life that your mil plans to take baby off you, there is NO WAY.

MabelMaybe

“…. from other women living in marriages where the DH's parents are the head of a household, and respect of them is expected as standard“

No one should be taking advice from anyone who accepts that someone is “head of the household” in their home!

You have spectacularly missed the point. There are cultures (like it or not) where this is accepted. Mabel was pointing OP to where she may get more appropriate support than "just put your foot down" or "why are you accepting that?".

Ffs put your baby's needs above mil's wants. Your dc needs you. Poorly or not it isn't to be locked on a room with a dgm it must barely know... You are a dm now op. Time to woman the fuck up.

OP I would be putting my foot down and not letting MIL take her like that. And if your husband won’t back you up, if you can afford to, I would be taking baby to a hotel till your MIL leaves

10 weeks is insane!
Absolutely don't let her essentially be the baby's mother whilst she's here, how confusing for the child, tell her the baby will be confused and it's fine to spend time but not alone in her room with your baby
There's job risk of other cultural overstepping is there? FGM, ear piercing, cutting hair etc is there?

10 weeks is a long time to disrupt you and your baby's routines.

Do you go out and meet friends, baby groups, walks in the park, health visitor appointments etc?

I appreciate if you've struggled with postpartum depression you might not have theeae activities in place so now's the time to start!

Your mil is welcome to come with you and baby but it's your house, your schedule.

And obviously your baby needs YOU especially when they're poorly!

Where’s your husband in all of this? Is he undermining you as well? Did he invite her to stay and for so long?

Your baby needs you. Not just when she’s ill. You know her best. Please start trusting yourself. You have all of us here standing with you. Say no. The more you do it the easier it gets.

Are you safe in your marriage and in your home? Where’s your family? Do you have any friends to support you?

Your husbands culture can remain just that, for anyone who wants to embrace it.

It's not your culture. You're not obliged to follows its customs.

Stop her taking the baby. Completely. Take the baby out for a long walk?

I presume when she married her husband she chose to embrace the culture. If it has all come as a surprise then pre-wedding communication is at fault.

Op can say in her culture dm's raise their own dc... Who's culture 'wins'? Surely the one which takes the baby into consideration?? Not the one that panders to grown ups!!

Why do you presume that?

Because with the information given I assume OP made an informed decision to get married. As I say above, if she's in a forced arranged marriage then it changes everything and (as I also say) people saying "oh I wouldn't put up with that" likely isn't appropriate advice.

If she has been tricked then she has far, far bigger problems than her baby being in a different room to her.

Since when does getting, married oblige you to adopt your husbands traditions over your own?

That's not what I'm saying at all.

It seems that this is what is expected of her right now. Either it's come as a big shock to her (worrying) or it hasn't (she made an informed decision to marry into it).

I have not said it is right - we don't know how she finds herself in this position.

10 weeks - you are far braver than me!!

OP of course YANBU. I get if your MIL has come a long way, that her visit may be longer than ideal and a chance to bond with her DGD. But there’s a difference between spending time and bonding with her, and completely taking over all your DDs care all day. Unless you wanted that or were so unwell it was necessary, it’s not ok, especially now your DD is poorly.

Is your DH on his DMs side here or is he able to see that though respecting your elders is a given in his culture, that you are a mixed family, so more than one culture in the mix. This isn’t normal in your culture. Have you told him /can you tell him how upset and uncomfortable you are with this, esp right now? If not, how would he react do you think.

Does MIL speak much English? Are you able to tell her you respect her very much and it’s lovely she is taking the time to get to know her DGD, but when you want or need to be with your baby, you aren’t being unreasonable and want there to be a compromise so both of your cultures are considered?

You are being very unreasonable to allow your MiL to deprive your 10 week old baby of its mother for several hours at a time.

That should say 6 months old baby, for several hours per day over 10 weeks.

Regardless of whether your baby is unwell. WHY ON EARTH are you allowing her to be kept in a room all day, every day and you arent able to see her?

What is she eating? What are you doing? Is she going outside - too many questions to even begin to ask.

'Mum Up' - take your baby and not allow this to happen. You are her voice.

Downright odd that she takes the baby away to her room, my MIL was over bearing but didn’t do that! She should be playing with her and cuddling her in the living room and maybe taking her out for a walk by herself

Why is she taking your baby away from you? wtf?