AIBU to keep my baby with me when she’s unwell?

[MojitoNoIce69]

My MIL has come to stay for 10 weeks and spend time with our 6 month old.
She normally takes the baby to her room and I won’t see her all day.
This annoys me but I let it slide.
Baby unfortunately has developed scarlet fever and is pretty miserable.
I have a medical background so I’m monitoring her to see if she needs antibiotics.
I refused when MIL wanted to take baby to her room for a few hours.
I’m happy for baby to be held in the living room with me around.
MIL is angry and saying I’m unreasonable. Am I unreasonable to want to watch my only baby when she’s unwell?

Remember it's your home, your child and your rules. Don't 'keep the peace' at yours and your babies expense

Do you come from a culture where unswerving subservience to the elders is the norm, @MojitoNoIce69 ?

10 weeks with the kind of domineering MIL who thinks she knows better than you how to care for your own baby and kidnaps said baby and takes her to her room all day? Dear God! OP you deserve a medal. Why the hell is still staying with you for 10 weeks?????? 10 mins would be about as long as I could manage if my MIL had been like that 🏅

YANBU to feel that way an all. More unreasonable to think your MIL’s behaviour is in any way normal!

MojitoNoIce69 · Today 10:21
**
Thank you for your messages. It’s really helpful.
MIL feels she can look after the baby better than me and criticises everything.
I let her take the baby to try and keep the peace but I now feel empowered to say no

How bloody dare she?! Why the hell doesn’t your husband stamp on this?

Is your MIL from a different country than where you live?

She is staying for 10 WEEKS?!?!?! Does she live in some far flung country?!?

If you're not happy with her taking the baby up to her room all day then you need to say so. Your house, your rules.

If your MIL isn't happy with this then she can go and stay elsewhere or go home. Your DH can tell her this!

She normally takes the baby to her room and I won’t see her all day.
This annoys me but I let it slide.

What? I think there is a LOT more going on than just the issue in the title.

Does your husband stick up for you or is he beholden to his Mother? ie. are you a team?

What do you do all day if MIL and baby are in their room? Do you have another job you go to? This is all very bizzarre OP.

Shit...that baby needs you present.

If your baby has been used to MIL looking after her all day every day then they probably have more of a bond with her right now so given they are unwell, they will be even more unsettled.

Just say “no” and either keep repeating it or ignore any protests.

My husband’s culture demands this kind of respect.
I don’t really have anything else to do when she takes the baby. I thought it was weird but I didn’t realise I can actually say no.

Sounds pathetic but I had some issues with mild postpartum depression and being a perfectionist so I’m always asking myself if I’m a good mum.

I guess she took advantage of that.

I agree!!
Seriously OP, wtf?! I would tell her to go home! You do not need this right now and you shouldn’t be having your baby taken away from you for hours and hours every day!

You must have heard the saying 'never step in between a mother bear and her cubs'? Find your inner mother bear and channel her! Sometimes mums need to be fierce and not passive.

Did you discuss and agree to this arrangement before your MIL arrived?
Did you know before your married into this family?

Sounds like MIL needs a reborn doll.

She normally takes the baby to her room and I won’t see her all day

Im sorry, what? Why the hell are you allowing this in the first place?

What the fuck?! No one would be taking my baby to their room for most of the day regardless!!

Stop her and stick to it. She’s welcome to go home early.

Oh OP this is just awful! Please take YOUR baby back and nurture them. You are the very best person in the world to do this.
Your MiL sounds unhinged or is she deliberately trying to form a stronger bond with your baby than you?
This situation is unfair to you and your baby.
Tell MiL your baby stays with you because that’s where they should be.

That might be your husbands culture, but he's not the mum or the baby (and I assume he's at work all day). Your MIL can help with the household chores while you look after your baby

Sorry but sod your husband’s culture. This is your child and you are living in your culture. Your husband and his mother will have to adapt to that. If they don’t like it, tough.

Do you have supportive relatives, a health visitor? Could they talk to your mother in law to explain to her how her behaviour is unacceptable?

Your baby doesn't want to be with MIL. Your baby wants to be with you. Their mum.

Your MIL is being selfish and her demands are cruel on your baby as well as yourself especially due to your babies' illness.....I don't know what planet she's on as she should accept your baby does not need her right now, they need you.

No one, in their right mind would seperate a baby, from their mother at 6 months old, but this time its even more important that you are not seperated from your baby so you can see if baby needs medical attention.

Stand your ground with your monster in law, tell her to leave if she does not like it or sulks and brings the atmosphere down.

Foot down now OP, big fat no, baby is YOURS, she had her turn and if she doesn't like you standing up to her she can bugger off home.

Get boundaries now. Don’t let her undermine you. She’s your baby, not hers.

From now on, you decide who takes care of the baby. Ie, you. If mil has a hissy fit/toddler tantrum, let her! You’re the mother, not her.

Why is your mother in law staying for 10 weeks? That sounds like torture, and I get on with mine!

Can't you ask her to leave? Who agreed her staying for so long?

Yanbu OP