To not agree with dh that 160 is extortionate for a food shop for 4 adults?

[Fadedchintz]

I'm recovering from Covid and while I was ill dh and the dcs (over 18, one on gap year and working part time, one here temporarily for a fortnight) did the shopping and cooking, all good. Over the last 10 days they've used up a lot of things. Went shopping yesterday and spent 90 in Aldi and then 70 in Tescos - dd is gluten free so can't get that in Aldi plus there are some branded things we like. I also spent 15! on olive oil which was extortionate but that was 2 litres from Aldi. I use it for cooking and it will last ages. No alcohol, some dog food and that shop will feed 4 for the rest of the week for breakfast lunch and dinner. Lots of things to stock the freezer, chips, peas etc. Tinned Tom's, baked beans, ketchup (both so expensive now - should move to heinz dupes and will do in future). Lots of fruit because I've been so ill and want to eat healthily. Washing powder, flash bleach cleaner (dogs!)

Anyway, dh looked at the joint account and was really shocked and slightly judgemental. Told me we really need to rein in our spending. I felt a bit like a naughty kid.

AIBU not to agonise over a 160 shop? I've meal planned and that is 6 good dinners, 6 lunches and breakfasts for a week. We never have takeaways. We also live a long way from the nearest shop so food needs to last.

Also my OH is clueless about the cost of food! It's very frustrating. Sorry you have been unwell.

I always say, on threads like this, that if he thinks he can do better let him try. All the grocery shopping, to a list covering all household needs, for at least a month. He's obviously not kept up with how prices have increased.

Or, alternatively, save money by economising on all his favourite things.

**Oh and we spend about £150 pw across all shopping, on average, for 2 adults. So I think you're doing well.

I agree that it is a lot. But that's what things cost now.

The best way to get him to understand is to get him to plan the meals and go shopping. You never know he may find a way of reining that spending down a bit.

I think that's partly it. Because he's been nipping in and out of Sainsbury's, spending 12 quid here and 23 quid there he thinks he's spending less, when actually it all adds up AND uses up all the stuff in the cupboards on top.

I've shopped and cooked for the family for 25 years now with the odd short break due to illness or holidays, I'd like to think I know how to bloody do it!!

Forget about the dogs here for a second for the purposes of breaking this down.

£160 for ten days.
That's £16 a day. Or £4 per person per day. Or just about £1.30 per meal.

This doesn't take into consideration household cleaning purchases and various other sundaries.

Now try and meal plan from scratch from a £1.30 per person budget. It's not so easy.

My point being you are so used to doing that in your head on the fly whilst you are shopping because you are used to what the family need.

Keep in mind £4 is the cost of an average meal deal - for one meal. I bet he wouldn't think twice about buying one at least semi regularly and certainly wouldn't be made to feel guilty by you if he did buy one.

Could you possibly reduce your bill? I'd be surprised if you couldn't but I also don't think there's as much there to be reduced as he thinks.

As others say, let him do the shop more often and see how much he spends. He's not allowed to plan in advance - he has to do it on the fly walking around the supermarket. How much would he also forget to buy?

The man is showing how clueless he is.

Ask him how much 4 pints of milk, a standard non branded, none economy loaf of bread, a tin of tomatoes, a 400g block of cheddar cheese, 500g of pasta and a 500g packet of mince costs.

Then ask him how many pints of milk your family gets through in 10days.

I bet you could have a fair stab at the cost of that list off the top of your head. When you add up just the above it certainly gives you reflection about how far £160 is going to go for four adults.

I'm afraid I'm quite petty when it comes to this kind of implied criticism; I would keep a tally of all the money he fritters away on those little shopping trips.

If you aren't broke I think it is wise to spend well on food. There's a few delicious "Friday night meals" in my reportoire which use expensive ingredients and are quick and easy to cook. Despite being "expensive" home cooked meals they are way cheaper than going out for a mediocre pub dinner or chain meal. I don't really like take away, but it is cheaper than that as well.

This would piss me off. If you're the one that regularly does the shopping and meal planning etc, then he can fuck off with his stupid comments! Ask him which items he would cut out and what he'd replace them with.

I spend £50-£60 a week, 2 adults and 3 boys 12, 20 & 25. I meal plan, I only generally only shop in Aldi for food and I batch cook. I buy toiletries and washing detergent in Home Bargains - got 60 persil pods for £10.99 last week - I would normally go for Daz which is around £8 but I was feeling flush.

However, the boys tend to do what they want on a weekend and they will fend for themselves. I also refuse to buy additional snacks that they would hoover up in a second - if they want them they can get them themselves. Things like crisps & biscuits. Although I always have popcorn in, it's cheap and you can buy the big buckets for £2.50-£3, and its healthier

I had many years of watching every penny. I still don’t waste money, but I can’t see the point in ‘reining in’ expenditure unless you are struggling financially.

You are buying reasonable items from lower priced supermarkets, and bulk purchases when necessary.

It’s not like you are buying Wagyu steak from Waitrose and having smoked salmon and Champagne delivered from Fortnum and Mason.

The problem with someone else dipping in to buy odd purchases is that they don’t factor in all the basics you need first. I will never forget the first lasagne I made from scratch over 40 years ago - I bought all of the little jars of herbs, etc - it cost about 3 times the price of a restaurant portion 😂 - but the ones for months later cost very little.

It doesn’t sound like he wants to be involved in any of the work of his reining in process, he just wants to offload that on you. He doesn’t get that luxury. I’d say he either puts in the work or he puts up with it.

God I feel murderous just reading your OP - he has no idea!!!

I reeeally hate the "we". It's so bloody patronising. "We must rein in our spending".

He's lucky you haven't dispatched him off to Tesco with a flea in his ear and a marrow up his nethers....

@RedToothBrush post is good. I'd also ask him to check his banking app - loads of them do spending summaries. Tell him to look at groceries and tot up all the 'one off' shops he's doing.

I'm not at all a grumpy old man and I think your shopping bill sounds reasonable.

If he doesn't do the shopping often, sounds like now is the time. Show grumpy the bill and ask him exactly what it is you shouldn't have bought?

Meal plan with him for a week and include fruit and vegetables. Almost everything is at least one and a half times more expensive than we think it should be, somehow. I think he hasn't realised that.

A couple of people have commented in the same direction, but technically, this is not £160 for a week, is it, because you are restocking for, what, the coming month? So take off oil, etc and only consider what will actually be eaten and there's the answer.

Maybe, if he's amenable, download a shopping app and tell him to choose the shopping far a week away in the middle of nowhere. He has to get everything for a week away. 3 meals per day. Everything, right down to salt, pepper and cleaning products. My DP could do it no problem. See how quickly you'd starve on his choice.

It sounds very cheap to me! I spend £150 a week for 2 adults. Includes a few other bits and bobs, but I don't believe in stinting and do at least half of my food shopping at M & S 😂

To be fair though, that's a bit more than just a weekly shop isn't it? You don't buy washing powder weekly or olive oil and sometimes the stock items all seem to run out at the same time.

DH is being a bit ridiculous but tell him he's more than welcome to do it better if he so wishes!

Hope you are feeling better OP. Household budgeting can be such an art, and with 25 years experience of course you know what you are doing. If you thought your DH would be open to it could draw up a list of meals and ingredients per day per person. Chips and sausages *7 doesn't cover it!
Also as others say, peaks and troughs in weekly spend. Monthly or 6 weekly average more representative.

It is only £1.90 per adult per meal without even including all the extra bits such as snacks, cleaning products etc.

Fkn men. I hate to be all misandrist but ffs. I've never come across a single one who has a realistic idea of what feeding a family costs.
My DH has occasionally complained about the food bill.
So I said OK, come food shopping with me then. Do some meal planning... have a look at the shopping list and tell me where we can cut down..
No interest in this. Just wants to complain because it's not something he enjoys spending money on.
He's gone to do the big shop alone before and come back proud he's spent less money and it's literally inedible crap.
Like 14 supermarket value frozen pizzas. And a supermarket value bag of chips.
I'm not feeding the kids that every day. It's just not happening.
But he's got zero interest in actually looking at meal planning that involves actual cooking and costing that up.

And it's not just him. Majority of my exs have been similar, but less impact on me because we didn't have kids.
Bar one who was a chef and enjoyed cooking.

But I swear to God it's why single men die earlier.. coz they are out there living off 20p penne with no sauce 7 days a week, or pot noodles.

Feed him your Mum's portions, he'd soon see sense.

but technically, this is not £160 for a week, is it, because you are restocking for, what, the coming month?

That's the other important point.

I have weeks where I know I'm going to spend a lot because there's stuff like oil olive and washing powder on the list.

But the next week because I've still got a bunch of meals in the freezer from having batch cooked the week before, I don't need to buy much at all.

I deliberately shop in several different supermarkets on rotation as I know each is better for certain things. I stock up on those items.

ATM I am starting to buy bits for Christmas too.

For me there's no such thing as a 'weekly shop'. There is consideration of how I can get the best / most stuff in the most effective and cost effective way for ongoing life.

I think the mentality of a 'weekly shop' in a way shows his ignorance too.

I’d be asking him where I can get 2litres of olive oil for less than £160.

Tesco and Aldi have their prices online. Get him to do a hypothetical shop (including 2l olive oil) and see how far £160 goes.

Give him the receipts and left him find every cheaper

That's just over £5 per day per person......which is a bargain.

Make him do it for a month. He'll soon shut his gob.

Yep. I'm afraid I am petty enough to do that too; luckily I've never had to as DH is very good indeed and does his fair share across all aspects of the household.