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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not agree with dh that 160 is extortionate for a food shop for 4 adults?

268 replies

Fadedchintz · 29/10/2024 07:39

I'm recovering from Covid and while I was ill dh and the dcs (over 18, one on gap year and working part time, one here temporarily for a fortnight) did the shopping and cooking, all good. Over the last 10 days they've used up a lot of things. Went shopping yesterday and spent 90 in Aldi and then 70 in Tescos - dd is gluten free so can't get that in Aldi plus there are some branded things we like. I also spent 15! on olive oil which was extortionate but that was 2 litres from Aldi. I use it for cooking and it will last ages. No alcohol, some dog food and that shop will feed 4 for the rest of the week for breakfast lunch and dinner. Lots of things to stock the freezer, chips, peas etc. Tinned Tom's, baked beans, ketchup (both so expensive now - should move to heinz dupes and will do in future). Lots of fruit because I've been so ill and want to eat healthily. Washing powder, flash bleach cleaner (dogs!)

Anyway, dh looked at the joint account and was really shocked and slightly judgemental. Told me we really need to rein in our spending. I felt a bit like a naughty kid.

AIBU not to agonise over a 160 shop? I've meal planned and that is 6 good dinners, 6 lunches and breakfasts for a week. We never have takeaways. We also live a long way from the nearest shop so food needs to last.

OP posts:
Ivyn · 29/10/2024 10:14

rainfallpurevividcat · 29/10/2024 09:52

That's not bad for a weekly shop, if you've got a load of extras like fruit, washing powder and bleach

Fruit is an essential, not an extra for me. I put vegetables then fruit in the online basket first. E.g. only three of us like bananas but we can eat five a week each.

I read it as that the OP bought extra fruit this week than normal as she's been ill.

rainfallpurevividcat · 29/10/2024 10:15

Ivyn · 29/10/2024 10:14

I read it as that the OP bought extra fruit this week than normal as she's been ill.

Ah I see, thanks.

thismummydrinksgin · 29/10/2024 10:24

We swapped from Heinz to Tesco Tom sauce and it passed the fussy child test! She says it tastes the same. It's a fraction of the price.

thismummydrinksgin · 29/10/2024 10:25

Also we easy do £200 a week for 4 of us.

UprootedSunflower · 29/10/2024 10:27

We spend just under or just over £100 at Tesco each week for 2a 4c, Inc lunches.
Its not unreasonable as an amount, but there’s certainly scope for eating well for less

Nothatgingerpirate · 29/10/2024 10:28

No, it's not extortionate.
It's me and my husband here, this amount is spent in a week in the supermarket.

JustHereWithMyPopcorn · 29/10/2024 10:33

YANBU in that it's what it costs now but equally HISNBU because it is extortionate.

CautiousLurker1 · 29/10/2024 10:34

Sethera · 29/10/2024 07:43

Not these days, no. Is your DH a few years behind on inflation - I don't mean that flippantly, mine genuinely doesn't seem to have caught up and is always moaning about things being expensive.

I do wonder this - DH has not done a food shop - in person or on line - probably since forever unless he is Xmas/party shopping. Had to explain to him and teen DCs that a loaf is now over £2, small butter £4, and the ham/chicken pack that they open [and don’t bother to wrap in cling film so end up with rest being binned] cost £3.50+. A tenner for sandwich ingredients FFS!!

NotMeekNotObedient · 29/10/2024 10:37

Not unreasonable at all. My DH has allergies and for us two plus a toddler we spend £150 a week on food. I'd say we are fairly economical in what we cook but cook from scratch and yes DH, that GF pasta, soft cheese, pack of mushrooms, bacon and bit of milk, bag of rice flour to put together a basic quick pasta dish for will cost more than a cheap jar of pasta sauce!

RedToothBrush · 29/10/2024 10:38

OP

Ask him how much he thinks you should be spending for entertainment purposes.

I think the above quoted ONS figure for an 'average' family smacks of the poverty and poor diet of far too many in this country. How the hell is that the 'average' family. Who the hell is buying all the branded stuff then?!

What you have meal planned looks pretty fine and not excessive. Maybe there's a bunch of stuff you are not accounting for in there. But crucially it's healthy and balanced.

Ask him how much 4 pints of milk, a standard non branded, none economy loaf of bread, a tin of tomatoes, a 400g block of cheddar cheese, 500g of pasta and a 500g packet of mince costs.

Aldi mid range prices
4 pints - £1.79
Loaf of bread - £0.74
Tin of tomatoes £0.47
400g block of cheddar - £2.49
500g pasta - £0.69
500g mince - £2.49
£8.67

Aldi economy prices
4 pints - £1.79
Loaf of bread - £0.47
Tin of tomatoes - £0.39
400g block of cheddar - £2.49
500g pasta - £0.41
500g mince - £2.29
£7.84

Going economy would save you £0.83.

None of the above is extravagant.

If you are cooking from scratch (which everyone really should be for their health), it's easy to see how £63.50 isn't really very likely to cover 3 healthy meals a day.

It's interesting to look at Asda's take on this.

Asda do a bimonthly magazine which does a 'week' shopping basket of food. The July/August edition came in at £25. BUT it was just five meals! And assumes you already have things like that expensive bottle of oil. So they are budgeting £5 per day or £1.25 per person for each meal. And you still have another 2 evening meals, breakfast, lunch and things like tea, milk, coffee, oil to budget for.

Two of the meals are vegetarian. One uses fish pate, one uses chicken drumsticks and the other pork mince. Even more telling is one of those meals works out at 283 calories per portion and another 367 calories. They are REALLY going for the cheapest possible options with that. It's just not going to come close to the needs of four adults unless they are all super tiny like me. And you are only going to go with those options if you really are struggling - they aren't standard options by choice. They are choices which are by necessity. And the shopping basket plan is in effect something of a fudge to look good on the surface for publicity purposes but look a bit closer and it's not as good as first impressions might suggest.

£100 per week for a family of four adults is probably far more realistic as your base line for not eating total crap, not skipping meals and cooking reasonably healthy taking everything into account.

Indeed, looking at the link PassCaring put above it states:
£29.66 per person per week was spent on household food and non-alcoholic drinks

That's £118.64 for four. That seems much more in tune with reality. (This doesn't include your household expenditure either). And sounds in tune with what most posters here are saying.

The OPs shopping does have none totally basic stuff on it. But I'd also argue it's not excessive either. It's mid range in terms of choices.

Yes there's probably room for improvement, but the OPs DH certainly isn't reasonable either.

Daschund · 29/10/2024 10:51

I think you did really well for what's covered.

unsync · 29/10/2024 10:51

If they've depleted the store cupboard and freezer, it needs to be topped up. They should either have done it at the time, or not moan now it's being done.

spanieleyes22 · 29/10/2024 11:12

Your dh is living in cloud cuckoo land. And it's not just food it's all the cleaning things and washing powder etc etc. We can live off what's in the freezer and in the cupboards at the end of the month but only if I've done good top up shops during the month. It's getting harder too as we gradually eat through everything in the store cupboard and freezer and use everything up. OP honestly I'd run everything down so you have hardly any food left and all the cleaning stuff is gone and then make a list and send your dh off to the shops. I bet he spends more than you 🤣

LivinInYourBigGlassHouseWithAView · 29/10/2024 11:26

Fadedchintz · 29/10/2024 07:57

I just use Aldi own brand non bio.

I do buy dishwasher tabs from amazon, they work out really cheap.

I think I'm annoyed because I spend a LOT of time trying to be as efficient as possible with food, we barely have any waste, I'm the queen of making something out of nothing.

He's also started going on and on admiringly about how his mum spends very little on food, as though that's a good thing! She needs to spend and eat more, she's tiny.

I'd be pulling him up sharply and telling him he can buy himself sausages and fish fingers and frozen chips to sort for himself while the rest of you eat sensible, healthy meals then.

He's being an arse. Tell him so.

LivinInYourBigGlassHouseWithAView · 29/10/2024 11:27

Fadedchintz · 29/10/2024 08:32

I think that's partly it. Because he's been nipping in and out of Sainsbury's, spending 12 quid here and 23 quid there he thinks he's spending less, when actually it all adds up AND uses up all the stuff in the cupboards on top.

I've shopped and cooked for the family for 25 years now with the odd short break due to illness or holidays, I'd like to think I know how to bloody do it!!

You need to point that out, too.

fiftiesmum · 29/10/2024 11:32

DH will easily spend £200 on a trip to Tesco's and then be popping out to get odds and ends. So can easily get to £300 in a week.
He doesn't like doing on line shopping as "you end up buying stuff you don't need as forget to remove stuff"
At the weekend I had a quick "stock take" in the kitchen - seven packs of butter, five jars of honey, three cucumbers - I could go on. The cupboard doors can barely shut plus the amount of yellow stickered crap in the freezer.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 29/10/2024 11:46

I could spend that on a week for me and my toddler (including eating out and take away though)

StrangewaysHereWeCome · 29/10/2024 11:52

My weekly Sainsbury delivery for 2 adults, two teens with adult appetites and two cats is between £120-150. However I reckon I spend another £40-60 during the week on top ups and things we prefer to buy elsewhere, so the total is more like £160-210. Honestly at today’s prices I don’t think £50per person per week is wild.

CautiousLurker1 · 29/10/2024 12:03

StrangewaysHereWeCome · 29/10/2024 11:52

My weekly Sainsbury delivery for 2 adults, two teens with adult appetites and two cats is between £120-150. However I reckon I spend another £40-60 during the week on top ups and things we prefer to buy elsewhere, so the total is more like £160-210. Honestly at today’s prices I don’t think £50per person per week is wild.

I’m pretty sure ours comes in at £200-220 too (4 adults, the 16yo being 6ft 3…); plus cleaning stuff and dog food/chews on top. Reckon it’s about £1000 a month. I use Sainsburys and ASDA for weekly/mid week shops, where I spend about £80-100 on food only for 4-5 days; and Amazon Prime for emergency mid week top ups. Occasionally remember to do a big on-line shop for food/toiletries/cleaning stuff once I’ve run everything down and rarely get that under £350.

ZippyLimeSnake · 29/10/2024 12:07

I can do anything from £130-£240 a week on grocery shopping for a family of 5. So I’d say £160 isn’t bad at all! But mine will include cleaning products ect.

FictionalCharacter · 29/10/2024 12:12

Fadedchintz · 29/10/2024 07:46

Omg he is so behind the times. He's getting a bit like an old man. Constantly moaning.

Tbh, he cooked for a week but it was literally chips and either sausages or fish fingers or some pasta. Hardly any veg or fruit and I can't keep eating like that.

I worked part time in Tesco as a teenager. One customer, when I told him the total for his food shop, did that shocked laugh and said that can’t possibly be right, it can’t be anywhere near that much. A lady in the queue overheard and told him it sounded correct for the amount of shopping he had, and that’s what stuff costs these days.
He did accept it and obviously he would have been able to check his receipt. He admitted that he didn’t usually do the shopping, and went away very much the wiser!
It isn’t uncommon for men who don’t usually do shopping to wildly underestimate food prices.

jackstini · 29/10/2024 12:13

DH would be over the moon if I only spent that!

He's being completely unrealistic on how much a full week of meals plus store cupboard stock up costs

Fadedchintz · 29/10/2024 12:18

Ivyn · 29/10/2024 10:14

I read it as that the OP bought extra fruit this week than normal as she's been ill.

Yes, I bought extra fruit because I've had covid and feel run down and thought fruit would be better for me than biscuits!

OP posts:
ItalianChineseIndianMexican · 29/10/2024 12:19

£160 doesn't seem extortionate to me, especially if you've bought and stocked up on staples and cleaning products etc.
We spent £100 a week (2 adults, 2 children) - do all our shopping at Aldi, meal plan, only buy what we need, don't ever throw food away.
Everything has definitely gone up though cost wise.

autienotnaughty · 29/10/2024 12:48

We are 4 adults and 1 child we spend 100-120 on big shop and maybe 20-30 on extras.

That's mostly non branded and dh and I eat meat free mon-thurs.

Includes alcohol, cleaning , toiletries