To not go to a wedding of a man I've never met?

[Youthiswastedontheyoung]

Adult niece (in-law). Never met fiance.
I'm more than happy for my husband and daughter to attend (and quite rightly so), but personally feel one shouldn't attend a wedding/invite someone to a wedding of someone whom they have never met.
AIBU?

OP -AIBU?

The World- yes.

OP -no I'm not.

Why ask if you won't listen?

Just be aware that pointedly not attending will embarrass your husband and affect how his family see you, and him, forever.

Don’t go if you don't want to.
But, if you apply this rather obtuse reasoning to everything, you’ll be missing out. How are you ever going to meet the groom, (or anyone else) if you refuse invitations?

The nieces and nephews of my husband are also mine, why would they just be 'his'?!

I'm Godmother to one of them!

You seem very rigid and like to compartmentalise everything. Going out and enjoying yourself and meeting new people seems a bit of a stretch for you so it's probably best if you don't go.

You can then whinge for years to come when everyone reminisces about the lovely wedding and you're sulking because you didn't go!

There are plenty of times people go to weddings when they’ve only met one half of the couple. It’s weird for you not to go on the basis you’ve never met the groom when it’s your husband’s niece who’s getting married.

I don't think my husband's family are my family. I am not an aunt to his nephews and nieces. Out of 3 weddings I only went to one. I barely knew his nieces.

As to the point of marrying, I married my husband- not his family.

Is this a joke? Or a test or something? Is it April the 1st?

All the LOLz @Youthiswastedontheyoung

How bizarre (and joyless).

You remind me of my uncle (by marriage) who didn't attend my father's funeral as he didn't consider himself to be part of the family. He'd been married to my aunt for over 30 years.

Nowt so queer and all that.

It's fine that you don't like your in-laws and aren't interested in being part of their extended family.

It's fine that you had a small wedding, it was yours to decide.

It's fine that your husband's niece wants a big wedding, surrounded by her extended family, which is what you became when you married her relative.

I will go out on a limb and say she's probably invited a number of "plus ones" who she knows even less than she knows you. This is "the done thing", you don't have to agree with it or go along with it, but it is traditionally the etiquette.

It's fine for you not to go - though I imagine your husband will be less than thrilled at having to go without you and make excuses for you. But for the love of God have the manners to make up a decent reason rather than "I disapprove of your wedding guest choices".

You are bizarrely obstinate for someone who is asking opinions of others.
Don't go, you'll ruin the day with your misery!

OP, I honestly think you are trolling people on here for fun as no one can be so.... special. And so relentless in spewing the same nonsense in every post. But I will give you the benefit of the doubt.

Do you honestly think people having huge weddings for hundreds of guests know each and every one of them? As people on here said already, many meet the other part of the family (including the other part of the couple getting married) at the actual wedding. Its normal, and its partly what the wedding is for - to celebrate the union and bring the family together. I have no idea where/ how you were living before not be aware of that, you seem to have no understanding of social conventions, etiquette or tradition.

Your niece invited you as a partner of her uncle. Its completely normal. Its her wedding and she wants her uncle's family to be there. It would be weird if she did not invite you and invited her uncle on his own.

If you dont want to go, fine. Say you are unwell or make something up. But dont say "I dont want to go because you are both strangers" as this is just rude and offensive.

And, btw, your comments about money are totally out there. Its none of your business.

Honestly, I don't think the fact that you haven't met one half of the couple is your actual issue. It sounds like a made up excuse for you to not go - and it's not a good excuse as you do know the bride, and she's family albeit through marriage. I've been to several weddings where I haven't known either of the people getting married (I can think of three off the top of my head, there might be more).

The simple fact is you don't want to go, irrespective of not knowing the groom. Maybe you don't like weddings, maybe you don't like your husband's family. Maybe it's something else. But nobody doesn't go to a wedding because they only know half the couple.

It's ok to not go, but please don't tell them it's because you don't know the groom. That's going to come across as exactly what it is - an excuse.

It sounds to me like you are looking to justify not attending. You have been invited and I think if you are not working it will be nice for your immediate family and your ILs if you attend. The things you are saying re you don’t feel like she is your niece/ don’t feel part of the family etc are literally just your thoughts. She is your niece and you are part of that family. As is your daughter. It sounds like you are perhaps thinking the wedding will be an ‘effort’ ie finding an outfit etc but it’s important to make the effort for family.

You are being weird. Just don’t go if you don’t want to but don’t pretend it is somehow wrong for you to go. It is totally normal to only know one side of the couple. I’ve been to weddings as a plus one where I don’t know the bride or the groom.

@Youthiswastedontheyoung I herby pronounce you “The Queen of Misery” of the year 2024.
Here’s your crown 👑

Perfect for you. But other people want different things, and your husband's niece wants a bigger wedding. there is no right/wrong here.

It’s the wedding of your husband’s niece, personally I’d think it very rude if you didn’t attend.

You are being very weird!

Reasons to go:

To accompany your husband and kids!
You're her aunt!
Weddings are fun!
To see the rest of the family!

Wouldn't you find it weird if your niece invited everyone else but not you?!

That makes her your niece too. You are being weird about this perfectly normal situation.

They're inviting you

But you have met your husband's niece. It's her that's invited you.
Probably best you don't go though, seems you'll only dampen the mood.

Some people have big weddings to make money. I'm not sure what type of wedding it is. Some are really expensive and cost the couple an absolute fortune and some aren't. A friend of mine had a buffet type meal (which her dad paid for) & invited 200 people, I think they probably made a profit 😂. Where I live most guests gift the couple £100 and that's individually. My friend was at a wedding recently and her and her husband gave the couple £200. Not saying you have to spend this much and not everyone does this but it seems to be the norm for most people in Northern Ireland. So yes you may or may not be costing the couple money. That aside it's your husbands family which means you should go and make the effort regardless of your thoughts on the matter.

Weddings are actually the rare occasions families can get together. By not going you're missing the opportunity to be a part of the wider family and mert those you haven't yet already. There's a reason they invited you.

@Youthiswastedontheyoung em how did your DH have no ex wife earlier and has acquired a lovely one later in the thread? 🤷‍♀️.

You seem a little surprised by a social norm.

Why is it up to you?
You sound angry and a bit bitter about something.

Isn't a wedding a great chance to meet relatives though? I thought the point of family celebrations is to increase the social interaction, so an ideal opportunity to meet, greet and bond (or not!) with relatives.