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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let me nephew see me naked?

109 replies

Whoknowsnotmeshrug · 28/10/2024 21:58

Sounds goady, didn’t know how else to word it.

im a 40 year old lady. No children of my own.

I have a 3.5 year old nephew. I have a good relationship with him, see him regularly and have him overnight/ take him swimming and for weekends away.

When do you need to start worrying about little kids seeing you naked?! As I say I’ve been taking him swimming since before he could walk so I’ve just taken him in the shower with me/ washed myself and him (in a private shower cubicle!) and not even thought about it. When he stays over I wear pyjamas as he’s often in my bed (he had his own bed but prefers mine- that’s what he does at home too!!) but just quickly get changed in the morning so I guess he sees a flash of my bits and pieces.. I have recently started to leave him in a pretty safe room whilst I use the toilet but he’d much sooner come and chat with me whilst I’m on the loo..

He’s started talking about bodies and making observations about mine. I wasn’t really bothered but now I’m thinking he’s going to be 4 before I know it and maybe I need to be more modest!!

So:
YABU- you should always be covered when you have a 3.5 year old over that isn’t your child
YANBU- it’s fine. He’s a little kid and family

The last option: (can’t vote!) it’s fine if he happens to see something quickly but try to be covered where possible with towels/ ask him to not look.. I think I’m going down this route but would like advise!

what are others take on this?!

OP posts:
hazelnutvanillalatte · 28/10/2024 22:01

I would say the *first or last option

Dragonflysparkles · 28/10/2024 22:02

He’s not your child, time to cover up

Karaokequeenie · 28/10/2024 22:03

My view is that unless it’s your child you shouldn’t be naked around them. Reinforce the private parts are private message.

rokaaroundthechristmastree · 28/10/2024 22:04

Bit different as I was the actual child but I was naked (and vice versa) around my parents until 16 at least, and my mum maybe 18.

With my own son, who is 9, yes absolutely naked around eachother.

Dragonflysparkles · 28/10/2024 22:04

rokaaroundthechristmastree · 28/10/2024 22:04

Bit different as I was the actual child but I was naked (and vice versa) around my parents until 16 at least, and my mum maybe 18.

With my own son, who is 9, yes absolutely naked around eachother.

A lot different this is her nephew so your post is not relevant ? She’s not asking about her kid,

rokaaroundthechristmastree · 28/10/2024 22:06

Yeah just making the point that it's ok to be naked around children but probably need to be directly related to them!

MangoRose · 28/10/2024 22:07

I would go for last option. We have never been a massively openly naked family, it has never bothered me particularly but it's just not me but my youngest was never bothered till at least Senior school started, even now he always wanders around in his pants at 17.

whatkatydid2014 · 28/10/2024 22:07

I think your last option. So at the moment if you are taking him to things that involve changing he’s going to be too small to be left alone to do himself or wait while you change. I’d say if you try and cover up but sometimes it doesn’t work perfectly that’s not really a big deal.

Original poster
Whoknowsnotmeshrug · 28/10/2024 22:13

Just to clarify- I’m not skipping around my house naked currently and never have been 😂.. I’m trying to work out the balance so he can still stay over and be safe but also understand that private things are.. well, private! He was most offended when I told him to wait for me outside when I was using the loo this weekend!

OP posts:
noworklifebalance · 28/10/2024 22:17

It’s about not blurring boundaries from the child’s perspective. If it’s ok to see his aunty naked then what if he sees an uncle naked, an older cousin etc which may or may not be innocent? When do they speak up and when is it ok? Is inappropriate sexual behaviour just touching? What about looking, exposing/accidentally exposing etc
The fact that you are asking shows you care and are aware that it can be confusing for a child. Even older children can be readily groomed and confused about what is ok.

Toffeeeapple · 28/10/2024 22:24

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

xsquared · 28/10/2024 22:26

In the words of Ross why does anyone have to be naked?

Apolloneuro · 28/10/2024 22:27

It won’t be long before he learns the ‘part of our body that is covered by our pants, is private’ slogan. This message is really important and best not muddled with non very close family nakedness.

Time to model sensibly managing our body’s privacy, in my opinion.

MumOfOneAllAlone · 28/10/2024 22:31

I think you sound like a nice auntie and it's lovely how close you are

Yeah, I'd be covering up now, as he's getting older and can understand the importance of private parts being private x

noworklifebalance · 28/10/2024 22:32

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

I don’t think the sex of the child makes a difference. Perhaps the sex of the adult, only because men are more likely to abuse but women can, of course, or facilitate the abuse by providing access to the child.

Apolloneuro · 28/10/2024 22:33

Just because you’re a lovely auntie, I thought you might be interested in this www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/support-for-parents/pants-underwear-rule/

Ger1atricMillennial · 28/10/2024 22:39

I understand your dilemma. I have no children and I live away from my family. My neflings know me, but I have actually only met them about 10 times in their life.

I stayed at my parents home I shared a room with my neice then 6 yo. At 4 in the morning she wanted to come and sleep with me. I didn't think anything of it at the time (I wasn't naked) but afterwards I was concened that she would behave like that with a person she didn't know well at 6. And if I was male it would be even more confusing.

With regards to your dilemma, 4 is appropriate to cover up in British culture. As he is of the opposite sex it would be a good introductions to boundaries.

Dontlletmedownbruce · 28/10/2024 22:40

We are not a naked family. I've always been very uncomfortable with myself so I guess my instinct is to cover up, i never thought too much about it. My DS at about 9 stayed over with my sister and her family and was gobsmacked that they all changed in front of each other. he said she walked out of the shower and around the room for a minute talking like normal. I figured it was no harm, bodies are bodies and we shouldn't hide them but personally i prefer to hide mine.

Ginkypig · 28/10/2024 22:47

I don’t think it needs to be a big deal because then that will make him think it is one but I think he is getting old enough now that you do need to start to think about it.
i think option 3, but in a casual natural way, not a don’t look at me! Way

personally I think you should speak to mum or dad (your sibling probably but I don’t know how well you get on with the partner) and get their take on it, he is their child, and they know you and know how important nephew is to you and the types of activities so you have a perfectly natural reason to asking them, they know you are for example taking him swimming so you just say little jimmy is growing up now and I’m not sure when it’s time to start thinking about this as it’s never been an issue because he was so little. What do you guys think.

Keiththecatwithamagichat · 28/10/2024 22:47

Option 3 but with one exception, if you need to take him into the ladies toilets with you when out and about.

CluelessAboutBiology · 28/10/2024 22:49

Have you asked his parents what they would like you to do?

xsquared · 28/10/2024 22:53

Option 3. He will be curious, but it seems you are being cautious already.

Onlyvisiting · 28/10/2024 22:54

Whoknowsnotmeshrug · 28/10/2024 21:58

Sounds goady, didn’t know how else to word it.

im a 40 year old lady. No children of my own.

I have a 3.5 year old nephew. I have a good relationship with him, see him regularly and have him overnight/ take him swimming and for weekends away.

When do you need to start worrying about little kids seeing you naked?! As I say I’ve been taking him swimming since before he could walk so I’ve just taken him in the shower with me/ washed myself and him (in a private shower cubicle!) and not even thought about it. When he stays over I wear pyjamas as he’s often in my bed (he had his own bed but prefers mine- that’s what he does at home too!!) but just quickly get changed in the morning so I guess he sees a flash of my bits and pieces.. I have recently started to leave him in a pretty safe room whilst I use the toilet but he’d much sooner come and chat with me whilst I’m on the loo..

He’s started talking about bodies and making observations about mine. I wasn’t really bothered but now I’m thinking he’s going to be 4 before I know it and maybe I need to be more modest!!

So:
YABU- you should always be covered when you have a 3.5 year old over that isn’t your child
YANBU- it’s fine. He’s a little kid and family

The last option: (can’t vote!) it’s fine if he happens to see something quickly but try to be covered where possible with towels/ ask him to not look.. I think I’m going down this route but would like advise!

what are others take on this?!

I think your last option. But also and most importantly, check with your sibling who is his parent? If they are OK with it then fine, go with what you are comfortable with. If they have strong views otherwise then it would be very questionable to ignore that

KoalaCalledKevin · 28/10/2024 22:55

I think it depends on the situation. If you've taken him swimming I don't see how there won't be at least a small amount of nakedness. You need to get changed, and you can't leave him alone, so even if you don't shower, you'll be in a changing room with him. You can try to minimise it with a towel etc but there's probably going to be an element of "necessary nakedness" for want of a better phrase. Same if you're out and about and you need the loo and need to take him with you. There's no alternative.

But at home, when you're going to the toilet, or getting changed, that can be avoided. So I'd avoid it.

Original poster
Whoknowsnotmeshrug · 28/10/2024 22:56

CluelessAboutBiology · 28/10/2024 22:49

Have you asked his parents what they would like you to do?

I’ve had a few suggest I ask his parents… my sister suggested I ask around!!! She also said she hadn’t even thought about it. It came up as I was saying I had to shower with the bathroom door open so I could check he was ok as he’s still little and my house isn’t set up for little people to be roaming independently.

She/ her partner aren’t uncomfortable with it/ awkward about it. And I’m not really. I just want to do what’s best to keep him safe as he gets older. But I also still want to do the nice things we do 😄

OP posts: