To let me nephew see me naked?

[Whoknowsnotmeshrug]

Sounds goady, didn’t know how else to word it.

im a 40 year old lady. No children of my own.

I have a 3.5 year old nephew. I have a good relationship with him, see him regularly and have him overnight/ take him swimming and for weekends away.

When do you need to start worrying about little kids seeing you naked?! As I say I’ve been taking him swimming since before he could walk so I’ve just taken him in the shower with me/ washed myself and him (in a private shower cubicle!) and not even thought about it. When he stays over I wear pyjamas as he’s often in my bed (he had his own bed but prefers mine- that’s what he does at home too!!) but just quickly get changed in the morning so I guess he sees a flash of my bits and pieces.. I have recently started to leave him in a pretty safe room whilst I use the toilet but he’d much sooner come and chat with me whilst I’m on the loo..

He’s started talking about bodies and making observations about mine. I wasn’t really bothered but now I’m thinking he’s going to be 4 before I know it and maybe I need to be more modest!!

So:
YABU- you should always be covered when you have a 3.5 year old over that isn’t your child
YANBU- it’s fine. He’s a little kid and family

The last option: (can’t vote!) it’s fine if he happens to see something quickly but try to be covered where possible with towels/ ask him to not look.. I think I’m going down this route but would like advise!

what are others take on this?!

This is great! I’ve shared it with my sister (his mum). Thanks!

You’re not just an aunt you’re his caregiver so I think it’s fine. But that’s my opinion - you really need to gage what his parents think.

This is really weird and creepy. Why don't you just shower in your swimming clothes like normal people do after swimming? Why is he sharing your bed like Michael Jackson? Why is he watching you pee and why are you dressing and undressing in front of him?

I'm slightly younger than you and don't have kids either, and the thought of doing any one of those things turns my stomach. In fact writing the above questions made me feel sick.

Maybe these things are normal if it's your kids. But those things when it's not and you don't have any kids? Honestly scary.

This is a useful thread OP. I’m in a similar situation. I avoid any nakedness but then my nieces and nephews will walk in on me in the shower and are baffled when I say I’ll see you when I’m out again!

You’re very welcome. It’s a really simple, clear message.

Generally I tell the little people in my life that they have authority about their bodies (not made to kiss goodbye etc) and the part of our body covered by our pants is especially in our control.

I don’t accompany my four year old grandchild to the toilet and haven’t for ages. When I needed to check she was clean I asked her consent (even then I didn’t really feel comfortable and asked her parent to collect her a bit early.) She doesn’t accompany me to the toilet. She wants to, but I tell her to wait outside and talk to me through the door.

😂You asking those questions made me feel a bit sick too. RTT. I talk about these things in the thread. It shows you’ve not been around toddlers before.

You ok hun?

Not in their current house no. Not sure why. I suppose at the moment means there’s no worry of being locked in but I imagine they might want to change that when they’re teenagers.

You aren't a random baby sitter, you are a close relative and are caring for him as a parental figure when you have him. Surely anything his mother is happy with him seeing is fine for you. (You can always change under a towel, it's not like you need to be stripping totally bare and pirouetteing in front of him)
There isn't some magic rule that a 4yo boy seeing his mother changing is fine and body positive but if its his aunty it is perverted and wrong. Some if the comments on here are so surprising to me. I hope the nspcc resource you were linked to gives helpful advice on how best to teach children to help protect them against abuse. I'm fairly certain it isn't done by shouting at him that naked body's are dirty and wrong and no-one should ever see anyone naked or they are a predator. Ffs.
It sounds like you have a lovely relationship with your nephew and he is as happy and comfortable around you as he would be his own parents.
you are very lucky and I hope you remain as close as he grows older.

I think the fact you are questioning this says you are not comfortable with being naked around the child. My thoughts are your private parts are called your private parts for a reason & it's the same for children. We should use discretion when dressing and undressing with young children around. There comes a stage when you just know certain things are not appropriate.

Sorry but I think that's absolutely weird age 16

I used to be in a similar situation with friends’ boys when they were young. They probably saw more flesh than preferable on one or two occasions but their parents knew, nobody was concerned and they are not scared in their 20s.

The safety of the child comes first, so in the instance of swimming I would absolutely insist on sharing a changing room.

at home I would try to enforce privacy, but wouldn’t necessarily make a big deal about it. Mine still walk in on me on the toilet or bath age 7, but I just say that I would like some privacy and will be out in a minute. When changing at home I would aim to do so in private, but would not sweat if they walked in. By age 9/10 I would probably be more firm.

I don’t know that I agree with the distinction some are making between parent vs. Aunt as being a material difference- it sounds like you are pretty involved in their life, so ‘inner circle’ in terms of what you share. Obviously respect the parents boundaries as well as your own, but I would go with your gut to decide what is appropriate or not.

Are you a little bit thick?

You clearly have no experience with children - when mine were 3/4 yo I cherished every night I slept alone and every uninterrupted bowel movement because it was so rare. At that age children have no boundaries with trusted adults and it would be weird and distressing for the child to be left in a changing room on their own.

I'm in two minds here. I do think it's odd and unnecessary to be naked around a child who isn't your own (and I'm also a childless aunt). However, I also think some of the things you've done - looking after him for the weekend on your own, washing your nephew, taking him swimming - are more parent-y type things than aunt-y type things.

In the context of you being a third parent, it feels a lot less weird. In which case, I'd apply parent rules, which is you stop being naked when the child becomes aware/uncomfortable.

you sound like an awesome auntie.

I think the swimming make it’s trickier to shift to the pants / privacy thing. you will need to share a changing room and help with washing so some nudity it to be expected.

It’s a very hard balance in some ways - safeguarding and teaching children what is okay/ not okay for the worst case scenarios is so important - but I do think there’s also a case for viewing normal non sexualised wobbly bodies in normal scenarios in a shame free environment is healthy too. Obviously not if any one is uncomfortable, and that does change as they grow.

in your situation I would keep going as you are - slowly introducing toilet boundaries.
cosleeping and swim changing is fine. You are a trusted adult in their life.

I think every kid is different. When my nephew was 5 I was at my mums and had a shower in her house - I was home alone and didn’t lock the door. Next think I knew the bathroom door burst open and in came my nephew chattering away - I pulled the shower curtain around me and shouted at him to get out - he just shouted back “but I want to tell you something” and continued to talk at me without taking in that I was naked or looking at me any differently. I told his parents and they laughed their heads off and said he doesn’t notice nudity and always bursts in on them. I now have a 3 year old and she is fascinated by nudity - loves and is very curious about peoples different parts - she asks “what’s that” and stares at private parts - she also bursts in on people in the bathroom but wants to know what all people’s parts are. She does not like to wear clothes herself - I see nudist colonies in her future lol.

i never was in front of mine but i never took tem swimming-not sure wat answer is

I think the main element here is that he is on the cusp in terms of age.

you are his sole caregiver in the situations you are describing so parent or not until he is safe to be alone in these situations he can’t be alone or unsupervised.

once he is safe to be for example left to watch the tv for ten minutes while you jump in the shower you will close the door because you know you can
or once he is old enough to stand alone outside the toilet cubicle while you pee that’s what you will do.

these thing will naturally shift when you feel confident that it’s safe for them to.

the very fact you are raising the question shows you are considering what is appropriate and when so that tells me you will do what is right when it is right.

My nephews have never seen me naked.

I don't think he should see you naked. I wouldn't want my children to see their aunts or uncles or grandparents naked, just think it's weird.

WTAF?

This is worrisome.