To let me nephew see me naked?

[Whoknowsnotmeshrug]

Sounds goady, didn’t know how else to word it.

im a 40 year old lady. No children of my own.

I have a 3.5 year old nephew. I have a good relationship with him, see him regularly and have him overnight/ take him swimming and for weekends away.

When do you need to start worrying about little kids seeing you naked?! As I say I’ve been taking him swimming since before he could walk so I’ve just taken him in the shower with me/ washed myself and him (in a private shower cubicle!) and not even thought about it. When he stays over I wear pyjamas as he’s often in my bed (he had his own bed but prefers mine- that’s what he does at home too!!) but just quickly get changed in the morning so I guess he sees a flash of my bits and pieces.. I have recently started to leave him in a pretty safe room whilst I use the toilet but he’d much sooner come and chat with me whilst I’m on the loo..

He’s started talking about bodies and making observations about mine. I wasn’t really bothered but now I’m thinking he’s going to be 4 before I know it and maybe I need to be more modest!!

So:
YABU- you should always be covered when you have a 3.5 year old over that isn’t your child
YANBU- it’s fine. He’s a little kid and family

The last option: (can’t vote!) it’s fine if he happens to see something quickly but try to be covered where possible with towels/ ask him to not look.. I think I’m going down this route but would like advise!

what are others take on this?!

It's fine. He's 3.5 and you're his mom's sister, who regularly looks after him. You'll know when it's too old. He's still just a toddler. They get way less clingy and more independent with age.

OP now he’s getting older why don’t you invest in towel robes for both of you? They’re like long hooded towel capes and they’re great - you can shower in your swimming costumes then put the robes over the costumes…and then both remove your own costumes while being covered by the robe. Then dry yourself with the inside of robe, pants on (and for you bra) before you whip the robe off and voila you’re washed, dried and with underwear on without any accidental flashing and no awkward one armed towel holding.

You could also use it at home once you’re showered when he’s around so you can keep an eye while also getting ready. I think these would work for you, as they naturally cover you up without having to make a big deal about covering up…and you’re bound to find one with his favourite character on so you can make it an exciting gift for when you next go swimming.

I wouldn't be naked in front of any child apart from my own. Not that what you've done is wrong necessarily.
There's simply no need. If he needs supervision bathing or showering after swimming you can help him wash while your wearing swimwear. He will be taught about private parts and basic biology soon, and how grown ups don't show their privates to you and you shouldn't show yours either.
So I'd say now's the time to stop.

If you're a close auntie who he sees regularly then I wouldn't be too worried about him accidentally seeing you naked in normal naked occasions. So getting changed, swimming showers etc. but I wouldn't walk around naked all day.

Also at 3.5 definitely doesn't need to follow you to the loo, I started kicking my own kids out at 2! Although obviously share cubicles when out and about or I'll still wee if they're in the bath or something.

Brits are quite prudish, think of scandi cultures where everyone's naked all the time, much better for knowing what real bodies look like but not higher abuse issues which everyone here seems to be worrying about.

I also deeply mistrust anyone who's proposing showering in a swimsuit- that never leaves you feeling clean!

If you feel uncomfortable then cover up but if you don't it's fine- normalise bodies, they're nothing to be ashamed of.

I can see that I'm in a minority here but I don't see any issues here at all. You're a close relative of the child and they only see you in a state of undress in specific contexts where it would be difficult for you to be fully covered such as when you're taking them swimming and when you are showering but in sole charge of them etc.

Don’t have an answer to your question but just have to say what an amazing auntie you are and how special that your nephew will have these memories with you… so so lovely ❤️

At home I'd say stick to him not seeing you naked or on the toilet. When you're at the pool I'd probably shower in bathing suit then get changed quickly. Mine couldn't have showered without an adult at that age.

If you've ever had little kids or cats you know that they are like little ninjas when you try to sneak off to the bathroom.

You do realise that if you have a toddler you can definitely both shower in your swimming clothes but then you both have to get dried and changed out of those clothes to go home. You can't turn your back on a toddler in a public place like that for a millisecond. You also often have to talk and entertain them constantly while you struggle in and out of your clothes so that they don't wander off.

It's not weird and creepy - it's how little kids get taken care of. At a point little kids become bigger kids and you need to start inserting boundaries around body autonomy - for you and them. Parents do this too.

The OP is just asking how to transition to those boundaries because she senses she's reached the right moment. Like a present and responsible aunt would.

Please don't sexualise normal nurturing care for babies and toddlers. That's what is creepy.

Yes, I agree with that. It was ok when he was a baby but he is growing now and things change naturally. Don't make a big thing of it but keep your bits covered from now on.

I had no nieces or nephews but often had friends' children staying over, I mean friends of my son. I'll never forget walking out of the bathroom naked and a neighbour's little boy being on the landing. That was many years ago and it makes me blush now! I didn't make a thing out of it because that would have embarrassed him, I just walked into the bedroom normally but was more careful in future. However that was accidental, I wouldn't have deliberately walked around undressed in front of him.

She’s his aunt, he stays with her. You’ve obviously not spent much time around toddlers. They come into your bed and watch you do everything. @Whoknowsnotmeshrug is literally asking for suggestions of how to handle it. Stop making it werid

Bloody nora...

Showering with your cossie on is possible... explain how you get from wet cossie to dry clothing, in a small cubicle, with a small child, without getting naked at any point?

Set the small child out in the main changing room unsupervised?
Put your dry kit on over your wet stuff?
Magic?

You are in for a fucking shock if you have small children... they get in bed with you, they have the ability to move from very young, and open doors from not much older... they get in the bed and immediately grow six extra elbows and knees and apply them to your most sensitive parts.

As for going for a relaxing shit... not a chance, the second you sit down someones opened the door to come in there asking why the sky is bloody blue and did you know that Bluey is a girl and can we order a giraffe on Amazon..

I don't even have toddlers, just spent time with the ones my friends have produced and I have experienced all this!

The answer is you just adjust to it naturally. You sound like a good aunt. I think i'm good mum and had good aunties, and I take my lead from him, changing to get into sport clothes boobs out no problem, it's just a matter of fact.
You're DN has been with you doing sports and a quick change is normal. You are over thinking here. You are a good person (because you are asking what is appropriate).
My personal opinion is that people should see their family naked, in natural circumstances, .eg getting changed in a changing room

Wanted to add that at 3.5 years old you are just good aunty. He's not thinking about your self and you've got a few years yet.

It does rather sound like a few people think you should be able to avoid shitting, pissing, showering or needing to change your clothes while in solo charge of a small human.

If the parents are uncomfortable and uncertain enough to instruct her to seek the opinion of strangers on the internet, as OP states, maybe they should not take advantage of her providing them with free childcare, then they can deal with any questions around a tiny child seeing wobbly bits all by themselves.

Surprised at so many thinking it's fine.
Hmmm... how about uncle babysitting 3.5 year old niece. Is it still ok? It's fine, just family, right? 🤔

Given we're talking about going to the loo - child opens door and comes in, or in bed with clothes on, child gets in bed, or getting changed from swimming... all normal, every day things...

Not galloping around the house starkers, whirling genitals around...

I don't think it matters if its aunt/nephew or uncle/niece, (although it is a moot point as it isn't uncle/nephew) ... it may soon, but right now, no.

These are all situations where either the child is instigating proximity so clearly feels comfortable, or out of necessity.

Unnecessary nakedness, is.. unnecessary, but this doesn't seem to be that. Nakedness that makes the child feel uncomfortable would also be inappropriate but this doesn't fit that bill either.

Your dad saw you naked as a teenager? I could understand your mum occasionally, but your dad?

No, not odd at all... 😲

I think you're over thinking it. In Europe, nudity is much less of an "issue" than it is here. He's your nephew and you're obviously a close family and he feels safe with you.
I certainly wouldn't care if my sister was getting changed around my DD. As you said, you're not skipping around naked, you're just getting changed. He's still little. He can't get changed alone etc so you need to be with him.
I'd speak to his mum and double check, but I don't think it's a huge deal.

This! 🙌

You were naked in front of your dad at 16? That is weird!

It’s frightening what’s going on In your head. THAT is weird and creepy.

I hope you never have kids. How the hell will they mean how to wash themselves if you think everything is weird and creepy. You do realised 3.5 is still very very little? No of course you don’t.

@Tangerinenets yes! I guess I didn't know any different? Was home educated, no peer group and no access to the internet at home either.
I would say he almost encouraged it, so whilst I class him as an abuser in all other areas, I don't say sexual abuse although I think this does sort of fall into that category.

I can imagine exactly what you mean about the most offended part 😂. It's not a bad age for them to start to learn not only about their own right to privacy but others too. This is a very gentle introduction to that (you don't really care about your own privacy for your sake) which is probably the best way.