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Original poster

Do you tell your parents your problems?

119 replies

Itsgivingeurgh · 27/10/2024 22:13

Ive always been fairly open about whether things are good or bad in my life with my parents. I dont talk about any problems with dh ever, but would mention things about work or dd
Dd has been quite ill for 5 months now, I told them all about it at the start, but now when they ask how she is, I keep it brief and say she’s nit better yet, but that i’m sure she will be soon. The reality is that this has been the hardest time dh and I have ever been through and things are pretty much hell.
They are early 70’s and I recently started to think, whats the point in worrying them, whereas before they were the first people i’d go and cry to.
They’re still in generally good health, but maybe its because they’re getting a bit older or maybe I was selfish before

OP posts:
Gymmum82 · 27/10/2024 22:17

No never. I tell my friends my problems. Not usually DH. Never my parents.

Im sorry about your daughter. I hope she recovers soon

VickyEadieofThigh · 27/10/2024 22:18

Mine are dead now but I never, ever told wither of my parents any of my problems.

WomenInConstruction · 27/10/2024 22:22

I wouldn't withhold sharing unless I thought they couldn't cope with knowing, which at mid seventies they are not at that point for the problems I have which have an effect but aren't life threatening.
I don't go to them with problems though (iyswim) as they are not much support as they never have been, both being pretty clueless about a lot of things.
I do share with them in a 'let's know what's going on for each other for mutual moral support' way.

VapeVamp12 · 27/10/2024 22:51

Yes. I’m 38, separated from my husband last year and have a 4 year old. I’ve leaned on my parents more in the last 18 months than ever I think.

my dad is a real talker though. Always has been so that probably makes a big difference.

I hope you’re daughter makes a full recovery
Your parents at 70, nowadays, that isn’t very old unless they’ve got health problems.

HarkALark · 27/10/2024 22:52

No, my Dad isn't good with personal stuff and my mother would just make it all about her somehow, so it's easier to just truck through it and lean on close friends if I can.

Woahtherehoney · 27/10/2024 22:53

I tell my mum most things! She raised me as a single parent (alongside my Nan who has now passed) and we’re really close. I don’t tell her about issues between me and DP or anything but I talk to her if I have a bad day at work, or if I’m struggling with my DSS’s behaviour or things to do with my house or pets or whatever.

PinkBlouse · 27/10/2024 23:01

Absolutely never. Not even in childhood. They were and are timid catastrophisers who would have done anything to help, and I would be stuck with managing their worries as well as my own. I’d realised that by the time I was eight. I’ve dealt with serious illness and treatment and lots of fairly traumatic stuff while plastering on a smile for them. It means being around them is exhausting because I’m acting all the time. But it is what it is.

Ponoka7 · 27/10/2024 23:04

I don't know many people who have the dysfunctional relationships with their parents that people on here seem to. So I think that it's usual to go to parents with problems. I did with my Mum and my adult children come to me. If they are able to be of support and the stress wouldn't impact on their health, then it would still be ok to be honest with them.

BurntCoconut · 27/10/2024 23:16

No way . My DM has a big big mouth . She adds bits on and takes away bits .

Fiery30 · 27/10/2024 23:18

I do tell my mother almost everything. She is my safe space and is reassuring.

Sillyseason · 27/10/2024 23:19

I was able to talk to my mum about most things that I was troubled about, the only thing I held back on a bit was about a health issue I have as it would have really worried her. She was a kind very wise mum.

IKEAJesus · 27/10/2024 23:20

Depends on what the problems are.

I’d tell my mother about practical problems and physical health issues, but anything to do with mental health or emotional support, no.

TipsyBrickPanda · 27/10/2024 23:21

Not when I was younger but I’m really close with them now so I tell them most things.

Or really I tell my mum because she asks 10 million questions a day and either my dad hears because he’s in the room too or she feeds back to him 🤣

Cheekymonkye · 27/10/2024 23:22

Hell no. It’s bad enough that I have a problem, I don’t need telling everything I did wrong and how I should have done it 🤣

Dramatic · 27/10/2024 23:25

Yes most things, they are a great support to me. I'd be more likely to go to my mam first but I don't mind talking to my dad about stuff too. I tell my DH absolutely everything though, I find it a bit strange that you don't share any of your problems with the person you married

Mercury2702 · 27/10/2024 23:26

I told my mum everything and she would tell me. She died suddenly this year though at 57 and I miss it more than anything

TheYearOfSmallThings · 27/10/2024 23:27

I'm careful what I put on them now they are older. When I have an actual problem I wait until I have either a solution or at least a plan for managing or mitigating it before I tell them, so they are not left in the dark but get the problem and solution in one bite. That way they can be confident that it is being handled, and I am not asking them to do anything except sympathise and wish me well.

Trivial crappy things I will moan about to them though.

BruFord · 27/10/2024 23:27

I did talk to my Mum in my teens/eay-20’s but as her health deteriorated, I didn’t want to worry her (she died when I was mid-20’s). If she’d been healthy for longer, I’d probably have continued longer, but I would probably have held off more as I got older.

My Dad has always needed support and I’m his emotional rock now so I don’t share my problems with him as he’d worry too much. He definitely tells me all of his worries and problems though, he can talk for England. 😂

TheYearOfSmallThings · 27/10/2024 23:28

Dramatic · 27/10/2024 23:25

Yes most things, they are a great support to me. I'd be more likely to go to my mam first but I don't mind talking to my dad about stuff too. I tell my DH absolutely everything though, I find it a bit strange that you don't share any of your problems with the person you married

I think the OP meant that she doesn't discuss marital problems with her parents, not that she doesn't discuss problems with her husband Smile

EmeraldRoulette · 27/10/2024 23:30

I did if I thought they could offer advice or help

when they were around 75, both with health problems, I stopped telling them anything that might worry them

But I can say for sure, they'd want to help in a situation like yours. Just after dad turned 75, I had a major injury which I couldn't hide but I did manage to keep the news from them for about 48 hours. I thought it better to wait till more concrete medical info.

they were quite flummoxed that I hadn't told them immediately. They weren't annoyed but when I explained I was trying to protect them a bit, they didn't get that at all and said "why do we need protecting"

now my mum is 85, I think of her at 75 and see she was much stronger than I thought. I just went into automatic "protective" mode because I perceived them as old.

if they would like to help and support, if they are that type of parent, then maybe tell them more?

ManchesterLu · 27/10/2024 23:31

Some of them, but more often than not, I don't. I don't want to worry them, there's no point. I tend to keep things to myself, and tell people on a need to know basis. Just because I'm worrying about something doesn't mean I want to drag people down with me.

Of course, if it's something that one of them could help me with, I would reach out - but usually it's something to do with work, money, mental health etc, and I'm the only person who can solve those things.

Pinkmoonshine · 27/10/2024 23:33

No I don’t think I ever have. I’m much too private and my mum fusses. My dad would have been better to talk to but he was away a lot and now he’s dead.

Amybelle88 · 27/10/2024 23:34

I tell my husband everything - my dad isn't in my life but I started to learn as I got older that when I told him stuff, he would use it against me/make me feel like a burden, so I stopped.

I used to tell my mum everything but not so much now, I tend to just go to my husband and a few friends/my cousin.

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 27/10/2024 23:40

My parents are both gone now - but no, I wouldn't have told them my problems. As a young adult I would have tried to keep my independence (although I suppose if it was something major I would have asked for help) but in recent years I would not have wanted to have worried them.

Ameliasvocalfry · 27/10/2024 23:47

TheYearOfSmallThings · 27/10/2024 23:27

I'm careful what I put on them now they are older. When I have an actual problem I wait until I have either a solution or at least a plan for managing or mitigating it before I tell them, so they are not left in the dark but get the problem and solution in one bite. That way they can be confident that it is being handled, and I am not asking them to do anything except sympathise and wish me well.

Trivial crappy things I will moan about to them though.

You sound a very thoughtful and considerate daughter Flowers