Do you tell your parents your problems?

[Itsgivingeurgh]

Ive always been fairly open about whether things are good or bad in my life with my parents. I dont talk about any problems with dh ever, but would mention things about work or dd
Dd has been quite ill for 5 months now, I told them all about it at the start, but now when they ask how she is, I keep it brief and say she’s nit better yet, but that i’m sure she will be soon. The reality is that this has been the hardest time dh and I have ever been through and things are pretty much hell.
They are early 70’s and I recently started to think, whats the point in worrying them, whereas before they were the first people i’d go and cry to.
They’re still in generally good health, but maybe its because they’re getting a bit older or maybe I was selfish before

No because they would worry and also ask me repeatedly about it which adds to stress.

I do tell my mom everything because she is my best friend.
Me and her have had our words, just like any other mom and daughter, but when you become a woman yourself and have kids of your own-- you no longer want to be against your mom. You understand everything so clearly and see them for who they are and understand why they said or did certain things. Especially if you have a daughter (in my case, 3 daughters 😬🙂)
I'm saying that I do indeed tell my mom all of my problems and my triumphs (basically everything) because I love knowing every single part of my daughters' lives and I don't see that ever changing.
I love my mama. You only have one ❤️

I don't communicate with my dad at all.
My dad was in my life until I was 11. He and my mom divorced. He decided that he no longer wanted me to be a part of his life either. He remarried and has a son that is a teenager now.

Recently I've sent a Pic or two of my firstborn and all went well. He never apologized, but admitted that he hated to have missed so much..

So I forgave him a long time ago and that was enough for me to have closure and feel
at peace... I'm an adult now and I have no hatred in my heart for him or anyone. Shit happens and life happens. You only have one dad. 🙂

I talk to my aunt about all things. My mum gets the basic info - work, money, superficial relationship stuff (think "my partner is waiting for a surgery" vs. "we haven't had sex for 6 months"). Granny gets all the good stuff. There is a saying in my family "don't tell granny" which means she is blissfully unaware that my cousin was beaten up on his way from work, her favourite nephew had cancer and is now in remission and my aunt had an abortion after her last baby. She doesn't need to know.

Not any more - I gradually stopped as they succumbed to dementia and general 'feebleness' (can't think of any other word to describe how they are). I share my health problems with my MIL, who, though a bit older than my parents, still has full mental capacity.

No because my mother will make it all about her so I stopped telling them anything. She would never help or give me any sympathy or support and more often than not she would tut and make a noise of total disregard.

She also can’t keep anything private. No matter what it is she tells other people - usually people I have never met. I think the whole world knew when I had a cervical cancer scare. After that I vowed to never tell her anything.

No. Tried it once and was told to.pull myself together. Tried it twice and was told she didn't know what she'd say to her friends. Never again.

My relationship with my grown up dd is much healthier and she shares a lot, because I'm her mum and have her corner.

@BabyCloud Oh my gosh, same. Am almost certain my DM has shared my entire medical history with her friends, including my miscarriages (despite telling me not to tell my Dad as it might upset him).

I was never open with my parents in the past, but they always saw through it and pushed me if I tried to keep anything from them. Part of me wanted to prove I could handle things myself and also I don’t want to worry them or feel they will think badly of me if I can’t cope with something on my own, if I tell them as such they are like “Don’t be silly, that’s what we’re here for!”. I will come to them for practical support and guidance when needed now, such as if I need help with something in the house - sometimes I feel pushed to do things their way and don’t like to feel I am hurting their feelings if I don’t follow their advice.

If the relationship was I good then I would but it isn't so I don't! I am pretty low contact with my mum. I have a therapist which is a lot more helpful.

I’m sorry to hear about your miscarriages.

I know for a fact my mum has shared my entire medical history because she is so open about it. She would say things like ‘I bumped into X in Asda (a stranger to me) and told them about your insert personal medical problem’ or ‘I told the girls at work about….’.

I have come to the conclusion it’s because she has zero life of her own to talk about.

I call my mum around 76 times a day, so I would say yes 😂

Nope. Used to but after slowly realising the hard way that any advice from my mum was usually terrible and often had major consequences for me ('just keep quiet, try not to upset him' about abusive ex, for example) I no longer tell them anything important. They're both too old and scared (of the world in general) now to offer any relevant advice or help, and they'd worry too much if I tried to just have a vent about anything, and they're both getting forgetful so conversations are often repetitive and frustrating, AND they're both getting deaf too (esp Dad) so I can't imagine having the kind of sensitive conversations I sometimes need AT FULL VOLUME and repeating myself every other sentence! Love them dearly but roles have definitely changed over the years.

No because they’d probably just dismiss it as not being a big deal, and tell me about their problems instead.

As an adult I’m a bit secretive and it think it’s from a lifetime of the above.

I generally find rather than ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’ is more ‘a problem shared is a reminder people can only really bothered with the 100% on top of life version of you’.

I think you are being very kind to your parents at such a difficult time if you do not need their practical or emotional support . Worrying them will be an additional worry for you.

For a lot of women it's their husband that's the problem.

Hopefully in such cases people have good friends.

I'm the same op. My parents passed when I was young but dh and I don't offload our problems on mil. She's bearing 80 and we don't see the point in giving her any worries. She should be just relaxed and in peace at this time in her life.

Sil just continually has a very dramatic stressful life which she leans on mil for support with. Every problem is shared with her. And I understand to a certain extent because they are close but I feel that it's actually quite cruel to mil. It's not like mil can really be more than a listening ear. And sil has plenty of friends she could go to for the same support. We see mil so upset and stressed out by sil latest dramas.

No, not after I confided at 18 that I’d had sex for the first time and was worried. Her response „that’s how I got pregnant with you, you weren’t planned“. Err thanks that’s helpful. Or she talks in terminating cliches so „it’s hard growing up“ yes I know it is but can you actually help me.

There will be a lot of people who do, there is just a stigma against not being close with your parents so people tend to hide it.

In my 20s and early 30s I used to pretend all was wonderful but then realised that there's no value in hiding it. Once you start telling people about your poor relationship with parents/ family others tend to tell you too.

It’s since I had a child that I realise just how atrociously I was parented and I hate both parents for it. I cannot understand most of the things my mother said or did.

Sorry for what you’re going through with your DD.

I absolutely would tell them if there’s something going on with their grandchildren. They wouldn’t forgive me. I think they and I would find it patronizing in the extreme if I “spared” them. At that age, they’re far from unable to cope. Yes they would worry, but worry is part of life.

I hope things improve for your DD soon.

No, I don't tell my parents very much, good or bad. I'm actually very secretive with them. I used to have my bedroom and belongings routinely searched by my elder sister and my mum, and I never really understood what would be seen as a 'crime' or used to humiliate me and sneer at. So I learned to keep everything hidden from them, and I still do.

I have good friends and a husband I trust with all my worries and proud moments though.

It depends, but generally yes. I have a good relationship with both my parents, so I share my life with them, in the same way that they share their lives with me. If they're going through something difficult then I'm glad they feel that can share that with me and that I'll support them, even if it's only by listening. Sometimes I'll tell them things about my own life after they've happened, if I think they'll worry. But my parents are good people and they have always given good advice without overstepping or becoming overly involved. A problem shared is a problem halved and all that.

Never. DF doesn't even listen when I speak & DM is Lady Whistledown with a megaphone. She can't keep her mouth shut and adds 'extra' added details.

I remember her just about busting during a visit. As I left she ran out tell me private medical info on a family member. Just couldn't keep it to herself, apparently.

They were very cold & detached when I was growing up. Uninterested at best. I'd just get told 'oh well, that's life... do you like the new top I just bought?'.

No.
My mother would blame me and support the other person if it was a scenario like that. Or would tell me I am worrying over nothing or being over sensitive. My father is too pre occupied with other stuff.
I don't have anyone to confide in.

I used to but not now. My mum is in her 80s and has dementia. Only early stages but even so. My dad is her carer so I think they have enough worries.
I would mention something like my children being ill but not really expect them to solve my problems.
Why don't people talk to their husbands/partners about problems? That seems weird