Do you tell your parents your problems?

[Itsgivingeurgh]

Ive always been fairly open about whether things are good or bad in my life with my parents. I dont talk about any problems with dh ever, but would mention things about work or dd
Dd has been quite ill for 5 months now, I told them all about it at the start, but now when they ask how she is, I keep it brief and say she’s nit better yet, but that i’m sure she will be soon. The reality is that this has been the hardest time dh and I have ever been through and things are pretty much hell.
They are early 70’s and I recently started to think, whats the point in worrying them, whereas before they were the first people i’d go and cry to.
They’re still in generally good health, but maybe its because they’re getting a bit older or maybe I was selfish before

Yes I do, but I am careful in doing so, we live far apart now so I know if I tell her anything too heavy she’ll panic as she can’t pop over and see me.

No. They stress so much it would make my problem worse

Yes. I’m very fond of mine, but they’re the worst catastrophisers, and capable of blowing the most minor non-issue up into disaster, or borrowing other people’s troubles if they haven’t any of their own at the moment. My mother once told me she’d been awake at 3 am worrying about my 30something cousin who’d moved in with his longtime girlfriend (they later married and have three children) because he’d moved into her house ‘and he has no rights, and she could put him out on the street’.🙄

My mum is a catastrophiser too. It’s unbearable to be around.

Yes catastrophisers is exactly what my mother does.
She is always saying to me ' aren't you worried about X or Y?' When it hasn't occurred to me to even be remotely worried about something.

No, I don’t have a relationship with my mum and my dad isn’t good with feelings and we never really speak anyway..if I call him instead of the kids he says he’s tired or busy after 10 seconds!

No I don't.

No because my Dad is disabled after a work accident and needs daily help with carers and my mum is terminally ill and also has carers. I am lucky I have a couple of people at work who are my complete support one in particular is the reason I’ve reached out to get get counselling and starting to change my life

No. My mother isn’t great at giving advice

@DorotheaHomeAlone If you’re referring to my post, I’m not judging anyone, what I meant is that as we get older, we have other important ppl in our lives to share problems with, not just our parents. DH and I are currently the important adults in our teenagers’ lives, but we won’t be forever.

I also think it’s important to consider the effect of sharing a problem with another person-as many have said, sharing something that upsets or worries your parent once they’re elderly isn’t always the best thing to do. DH and my parents are in their 80’s now and we absolutely wouldn’t worry them with anything now.

On the flip side, I have three adult children and they pretty much tell me everything! I'm glad in a lot of ways about this as I've always ,hopefully, been a good enough parent to them that they know I will try not to judge or be 'horrified' by anything!! On the other hand - it can be exhausting..
My own mother - I used to tell her things as it was just me and her - but as I got older, I simply couldn't as she was just, well, not a good mother and wouldnt have understood or tried to help. it was all about appearances.

No we don't have that type of relationship and never have. I share everything with DH though and have some good friends I can talk to about pretty much anything too.

No, I don't share my problems with anyone - my parents, DH or friends. I've always kept myself to myself and didn't share problems with my parents even as a child. I knew they wouldn't offer good advice or a sympathetic ear so there was never any point. I've learned to just logically think over any problems on my own and work through them independently.

I'm sorry to hear about your DD's illness, OP, and hope that things improve for you all soon
My Mum is my best friend & I am so lucky to have her - I can tell her most things, she is wise and tactful, with the patience of a saint. My Dad is lovely and we are close but don't talk over issues at length, IYSWIM.

My parents are 70ish too and would be horrified if they felt I was trying to shield them because of their age. The

My parents are 70ish too and would be horrified if they felt I was trying to shield them because of their age.

@tortiecat Tbf, they wouldn’t know that you were shielding them, would they. If there’s nothing that they can do about a problem and you know that it would worry them, why worry them?

@BruFord I see your point, and note in my post I said "most things". I had a cancer scare recently. DH knew and I also confided in my brother (my DC guardian if anything was to happen to me and DH) as I didn't want to worry my parents. When I got the all clear I did tell my Mum, as I still have some ongoing health issues, and she said she had much rather had known so as to be able to support me. Just commenting on the age thing - my parents don't see themselves as 70ish, are quite robust emotionally and are in good physical health - appreciate that isn't the case for all.

I don’t tell my mum my problems. She would inevitably come up with someone she had met through her work on the local council who had it worse !

Nope, definitely not.

My mum fundamentally doesn't give a shit and if she ever shows any semblance of giving a shit she just catastrophizes the problem.

We have a saying about this in my house: "A problem shared is a problem doubled"

I haven't told my mum anything about my life (good or bad) beyond new clothes that I've bought or particular bargains that I've found since 2021.

@tortiecat So glad to hear that you’re ok. 💐. Yes, I was just sharing my reasoning for not sharing much nowadays.