To ask why money is sometimes quite a taboo subject to talk about with other people?

[ThisGreenDog]

I’ve noticed that money seems to be a bit of a no-go topic in many conversations. People can feel awkward or even offended if it’s brought up, whether it’s about salaries, personal finances, or even just the cost of things. AIBU to wonder why this is?

Is it a cultural thing, or does it come down to privacy? Maybe it’s about not wanting to seem like we’re comparing, or is it something else entirely? Do you find talking about money uncomfortable, or do you think it’s something people should be more open about?

They don't, I just don't see what the secrecy or need to get uptight is about.

Because it causes problems.

No matter what people say, if you found out that your friend earns three times as much as you, it will cause a problem.

I don’t see how it makes one uptight not to disclose their finances if they do not desire to nor it being necessary to tell people simply because others want to know unless it effects them.

I don’t understand why people think they have to/ should know such unless it is relevant to them.

I don’t need to know anyone’s finances unless I am going to be affected in some way.

If someone chooses to tell me, that is their choice but I don’t need to know nor think I deserve to know just because.

This. Grew up relatively poor. Felt inadequate and embarrassed about having comparatively little. I didn’t mind talking about money when I was kind of average. Now I have a DH that earns a lot, Id feel embarrassed to reveal how much, because I think it would cause others to feel inadequate or envious, and I dont want that for them, and don’t want to feel responsible for that (I know I’m not responsible for their feelings but I still feel it!).

@Usedtobeslummy a lot of the information you’d like/ need is available online - salaries in industries, rent in areas, rates for savings and what’s available for kids etc

Yes - I would feel uncomfortable if money/salaries/pensions/investments/property values etc were brought up in conversation.

I think this is because I know people will judge me and my family. Also, I've had situations before where, once someone has discovered (nosily) that I earned more than them, they'd make little digs and it was as if I was never allowed to decide something was too expensive for me - eg and evening out, a meal, a holiday. They had stored that nugget away and would use it to make me feel guilty for saying no to things.

People can also be resentful and even jealous if they think you are better off than them, so it's much safer all round to keep off this topic. It works the other way too - they can look down on you if they are a particularly materialistic and shallow type of person.

There's no good which comes of telling people your financial business in a social situation. I can't think of any advantages. Can anyone else?

I wouldn’t talk about money with others. I can’t think why they’d need to know, or why I’d need to know about their income, savings etc. 🤷‍♀️

It sounds like talking about money has directly caused you problems in your life/ relationships - but you still don't understand why lots of people prefer not to talk about it?

This is what happens quite often when people are totally open about it. And it's why people don't talk about it.

Because talking about money is vulgar.
Because most people want privacy around their finances.

I think it's pretty rude (and a bit ridiculous if I'm honest!) to say someone is 'uptight' for not wanting to disclose details of their finances.

There are things that some people prefer to keep private. Health, intimate details of relationships, who they have a crush on - whatever. Privacy is a thing.

It doesn't make you uptight if you don't share every detail of your life all the time - in fact if you do, it probably means you're a bit socially inept!

Took the words right out of my mouth.

Tbh I struggle to understand why anyone would want to discuss their personal finances unless to stealth boast.

It's because normally people with money figure out pretty quickly that when some people around them find out they've got money, their attitude towards them changes.

All of a sudden you get seen by some as a meal ticket, to provide them cash because you have money and they are deserving.

And what the people without money don't often understand is that often even if you appear rich, your lifestyle just expands to soak up any extra cash you might have.

There are other people around who although will not expect handouts will act in an extremely jealous way when they find out you have more money than them.

On top of it all, there is literally no upside to advertising the fact you've got money. What could you possibly gain from doing so ?

So yes, smart people realise pretty quickly that letting the whole world know about their finances is stupid, and that not much can really be gained from it.

That's the impression they give off but each to their own, everyone has different opinions.

Curious why people say this about the US. Not my experience at all. There are people that may discuss it but it’s bad form. Maybe it’s geographic?

How much do you earn then?

It’s only caused problems with a few silly people now that there is a significant difference; but for the majority of my life financial transparency didn’t impacted my relationships at all.

I think perhaps openness about money is only problematic if you have lots.

Really? I can think of lots of reasons. Embarrassment if they don't earn as much as friends. Fear of looking like they are boasting if they out-earn all their friends. Worry that they will be expected to pay for everything if they earn more than family members. Guilt if they can't provide as much for their family as friends and neighbours and other family members manage to do. Guilt that they should be helping out family more than they are...

Any notable disparity between income could cause all sorts of emotions which is why most people avoid the topic entirely.

All of my friends make way more than I do and I’m the oldest in the group. So for me it’s awkward and a bit embarrassing as I don’t have the funds to spend money like they do. It can be depressing at times so I prefer if we don’t talk about it.

It's one of the trio topics you don't bring to the dinner table alongside politics and religion.

It highlights the divides, more likely to bring about resentment. Flags up sensitivities and can open up our vulnerabilities.

I’m do not want people to ask for a loan or expect me to always treat them, I’m not mega wealthy but certainly looking at stats for average assets by age I’m doing well.

I would never ever loan money to anyone.

I'm private about my finances as are most people I know. It's important to share financial details with someone you plan to live with but that's it.

Frankly, it’s not your business to know my financial situation.

Haven't RTFT.

I find it exceptionally unattractive when a man you're dating talks about money. Whether it's showing off about how much he earns or alluding to struggling financially, it is a massive 'ick' for me.

It's true that women want economic security in a partner, but there are a multitude of clues/indicators that we're attuned to. Men should NEVER talk about their finances in early dating.

I’m not interested in other people’s finances and so when people insist on talking about it, I smile and nod (but secretly think “and you feel the need to tell me this because….”. I don’t discuss my finances because what I have in my bank account doesn’t say shit about the person I am. I don’t see satisfying someone else’s curiosity about my finances as a responsibility of mine.

FWIW money was earnt, not gifted/ inherited/ won.

This sentence by @RomeoRivers sums it up. A lot of people are bitter and jealous if others have something they don't, especially if it is felt they are not 'worthy' of it.

It is not just the having it, it is also the source of it that causes deep resentment. You only have to read the taxation and IHT threads on here to see how awful, jealous and weird people get about money.

It also ties into deep rooted resentment about class, lack of social mobility, education, opportunity and the North/South divide. It is hardly surprising that it is avoided as a topic of conversation.

One can get unexpectedly hostile and prejudiced reactions from discussions, it is best avoided along with discussions about religion IME.