To ask why money is sometimes quite a taboo subject to talk about with other people?

[ThisGreenDog]

I’ve noticed that money seems to be a bit of a no-go topic in many conversations. People can feel awkward or even offended if it’s brought up, whether it’s about salaries, personal finances, or even just the cost of things. AIBU to wonder why this is?

Is it a cultural thing, or does it come down to privacy? Maybe it’s about not wanting to seem like we’re comparing, or is it something else entirely? Do you find talking about money uncomfortable, or do you think it’s something people should be more open about?

It's cultural

In Norway you can look up others pay online.

It's from the British class system/ aristocracy- they want to keep their wealth hidden so the plebs dont revolt

This.

A few years ago a male boss was leaving and one of the last conversations he had with me he told me that I was vastly underpaid and he would have gone higher if I'd asked, that HR guidance was to offer low and negotiate up if asked. Me not asking meant I was underselling myself.

Since then I've been more open with female colleagues about my salary and I've asked for what I'm worth.

You don't need to ask - you can just look up their house on Zoopla. 😂

The only one of my friends who likes to discuss money recently tried to loan some money from me. Most of my friends steer clear of the subject and from now on I will be making absolutely sure I do too.

It really helps people who have no idea about jobs and employment to hear how much people earn. I found out I was being underpaid massively when a friend told me her salary so it can tangibly help people.

I am going to lose my house once the split with my ex comes to fruition and I find that my friends who rent clam up because in their eyes I am better off /priviledged, and those partnered homeowners with good incomes and lifestyles find it all excruciating to hear.

I would love to be able to talk about money now im a single parent, my financial future, impact on my kids, but no one to talk to. I find it terribly sad that this is an area my friends won't talk about when it's the most pressing issue in my life.

To me, it’s the way people go about it.

Talking salary with coworkers or people interested in what you do and are looking into joining your field, I don’t mind.

People asking about it just to decide whether I’m worth talking to, how much they think I spend or trying to feed into their preconceived notions and prejudice, no.

Want to know about housing cost in my area, don’t mind you asking. Telling me you looked up the price of my home online when you could have simply asked me, no.

I’m meh about money and don’t feel the need or have the desire to talk about it and respectful enough to understand it is uncomfortable to others regardless of my own personal feelings.

It's crass and a subject that begets ill-feeling, anger and discontent.

One of my neighbours brings every conversation back to money. I used to chat but I duck inside wheneved I see her now.

My friends and i are open with earnings at salaries- I’ve helped them work out take home pay and with universal credit entitlement.

We’re on similar salaries and I think that’s what makes it comfortable- my friend on £70k though- deffo wouldn’t discuss with them

It's vulgar to talk about money, some people will have more than you and some people will have less than you.

Those that talk about how much they have usually don't have as much as they want you to think they do.

Manners dictate that money, politics and religion are not discussed in social circles. Younger people may think this is daft, but why should any of us share such personal things with the world and his uncle?
The whole 'i'm richer than you' crap on instagram, etc is pathetic - money does not buy class
And given the level of hatred towards those deemed as 'posh' on here, I'm surprised anyone mentions their incomings and outgoings at all
Religion and politics generally start fights/wars/genocide, so keep that to yourself too. Who wants to be accused of being anti - anything because you have expressed a view about atrocities/murder of innocent people and children?

I’m very open about money and would share my salary (if asked in good faith). But I respect how others feel about it and would not ask about their finances unless it’s clear they are open to sharing.

because some do not want other people to know - how bloody difficult is that to understand?

do you share information such as the dates of your menstrual cycle, or how often you shave your legs? Unlikely

I’ve always been open with my very close friends but as we’ve got older I realise I was naive. One friend is actually more competitive than I realised and she’d quizzed me several times in the cost of things or how much I had in my pension pot. I was then pretty pissed if when I heard she’d been telling others I’d been boasting about my pay rise or could they believe I’d spent whatever amount on my kitchen/holiday/new coat etc.

Im now very blunt about it and say ‘I’m not discussing money’

DH and I talk thoroughly about finances. Anyone else, not really. Outside of my relationship,
I don’t have a curiosity for this kind of thing and would never ask someone specific financial questions and no one has ever asked me for this type of information.

Another one who thinks it's ok to have a pop at those perceived to have money

I always wonder why someone would ask. Why do you need to know? Comparison and all that.....One good reason to avoid are family members asking for gifts or loans which is awkward. But do you feel better for knowing?At work its always a toxic question.

Make out I'm more hard up than I really am as I find money causes envy and jealousy.

It's very cultural. I think in one Scandinavian country it's all online how much everyone earns. And in USA it's very much an open topic.

I think many British people find it vulgar to talk about money. I myself hate talking about it.

I think another factor is that a lot of people place a certain element of pride/self worth in their income. When they feel their salary doesn't 'match up' some get a bit insecure about it. I've witnessed this with my mate who makes almost £70k driving a fuel tanker. Some people seem a bit disgruntled that a lorry driver should earn more than them as a professional in a graduate job so she tends to try and stay away from mentioning it as far as possible.

Have you seen the way that some of the money threads go on here? Especially when the OP is better off than average? People can be nasty and bitter.

It's too personal (to really get down into the nitty gritty of it), and not why I have relationships with people. If I want to know where I fit in or what is a sensible approach to something I'll look at ONS or discuss with a financial planner.

I've found that people who want to talk about it usually assume that they are better off than you (or the person they are referring to is), and do a lot of assuming all round. If you say anything that breaks these assumptions then that is generally not liked. I just say nothing when it is clear that people are making directly or indirectly making incorrect assumptions about my finances, sometimes it is clearly done to fish.

I'm in my early fifties and I could come up with a sizeable set of examples/anecdotes from the last couple of decades. My experience is predominantly women though (and always the lower earning partner, who can be almost desperate to pop into conversation that their DP earns well).

There's lots of envy when incomes are talked about.
However we are very poor about taking generally about savings, interest rates, credit cards, which contributes to people's assumptions about others and again envy.
People can appear to be well off but actually everything is on credit. Conversely people who are frugal and save can appear less well off.
The embarrassment of talking about salaries should not extend to not being able to discuss how to manage money.
It amazes me when watching Martin Lewis how some people seem to know very little about personal finance and this is tied in to our embarrassment about taking about money.

How can he not know what he earns? Is he self-employed?

It's seen as classless to talk about. Money doesn't define a person. And frankly you can be seen as a dreadful show off for discussing how much you earn, assets etc...

I remember once, on an evening out, one particular guy was going on about his pay rise, what car he was going to splurge on etc.. I knew full well that another guy that was with us earnt more than three times watch Mr "look at my lovely pay rise" had been promoted to. And , that he was silently laughing at at him for being so crass.