To ask why money is sometimes quite a taboo subject to talk about with other people?

[ThisGreenDog]

I’ve noticed that money seems to be a bit of a no-go topic in many conversations. People can feel awkward or even offended if it’s brought up, whether it’s about salaries, personal finances, or even just the cost of things. AIBU to wonder why this is?

Is it a cultural thing, or does it come down to privacy? Maybe it’s about not wanting to seem like we’re comparing, or is it something else entirely? Do you find talking about money uncomfortable, or do you think it’s something people should be more open about?

That’s actually a really interesting question.

It’s personal. I wouldn’t dream of asking even my closest friends how much they earn (unless they had asked me for relevant advice)

It is like asking someone how much they weigh.

But why wouldn't you ask them? Would you tell them what you earn?

I'm with you OP, I don't really get the secrecy.

I got into a conversation yesterday with some friends and ended up feeling really cross at a very old friend who seems to be trying to cheat the system. I honestly wished we hadn't started on the subject as it's really altered the way I feel about her now.
In the past, friends have disclosed that their partners were doing second jobs and not declaring cash in hand earnings and to be honest that has also changed my view of people as it wasn't insignificant amounts that were being talked about.

I think as much as people say 'it's only money', it's an area rife with insecurities and judgements. On the rare occasions I've shared financial details with friends I've felt either envied or pitied - this might be 100% in my head!

I'm committed to being very transparent at work/networking though. Women tend to err on the side of caution when negotiating salaries and we need more champions and people who will have the uncomfortable conversations! Hate it in 'real' life though 😂

I am not private about it, but I know some are

I always thought that there were three things that should never be asked in British culture:
1 how much do you earn
2 who did you vote for in the election
3 what are your bedroom preferences

I don't see why people are so secretive and uptight about it.

I love chatting about money - I often find it a really interesting subject. I am aware that that's weird, and that most people don't.

(I don't have a lot myself, so it's not that!)

But why wouldn't you ask them? Would you tell them what you earn?

For most people it falls into the 'none of your business' category, a bit like asking someone who they voted for.

It’s because our society equates money with “worth”. It’s seen as better to have more or earn more. With a few romanticised exceptions (starving artist or charity volunteer doctor) people give more respect to people with more money and judge those with less.

My brother in law and my friend are from different countries, one European and one further away. Both have told me they find it really strange how private most British people are about money. They wouldn't think twice about asking someone how much they earn or what they paid for their house.

I'm happy to share these things so their approach suits me!

Perhaps it's because it can cause difficulties - jealousy, competition, pity, trying to borrow money, feeling that people should pay more than their share because they have more?

Other than payroll and my boss, I don't think anyone knows my salary. No one knows my savings or pension. Partner has a rough idea but exact amounts.

It's no one else's business. It's crass to talk about it.

It's also impossible to do so without comparative being drawn and people says you earn too much or too little. Even in here, how many times does someone post about how much or how little they have, it leads to judgement and divisiveness.

I think my answer depends on who you mean by “people”. My close friends & I discuss money how much things are quite openly, I know how much they make and they know how much we make, I know how much their mortgages are and they know how much ours is, we frequently discuss how much our food shops etc are, so with those people there’s no secrecy at all really and we are all totally happy with that.

If we’re talking “people” as in someone I sometimes bump into in our local park or my hairdresser or something though I wouldn’t talk about money openly, so it’s not something I’d share with just anyone.

Because people equate lots of money to success and doing well in life and it’s intertwined with their self esteem so people don’t like to admit when money is tight.
I have to admit that while money is not especially important to me I find it easier to talk about with people that I work with who I know are on similar money so have similar challenges.

My DH doesn’t know what he earns ( doesn’t care and not interested) and he has no idea what I earn ( reason as before). I handle all household expenses as he hasn’t a clue.

Cultural - it’s not v British. You’re an outlier if you’re comfortable sharing detail. It’s not considered v classy

There are low calibre people out there who will expect you to share / help them if they know you have money.
So easier and better for relationships that they don’t know imo.

That way you can listen to their stories of a broken dishwasher or cost of living crisis or how they don’t earn enough etc and just nod saying ‘oh yeah, jeez, so many people all in the same boat’ etc.

Well house sale prices are freely available so no point being secretive about them.

Because talking about money can seed discontent and it's more trouble than it's worth.

I don’t see why people are so curious about it. What does it tell you to know how much people earn?

Invariably at least one person leaves the conversation feeling bad on some level. It could be the person with less money or the person with more. They might be angry, or sad, or embarrassed, or a million other things, but someone won't be enjoying themselves.

Money doesn't define who you are.

It seems arrogant to be constantly talking/obsessive about it.

My family and friends have always been completely open about money. I know how much everyone earns/ savings/ inheritance etc. I don’t understand secrecy, it’s not a big deal.

I always used to earn the least, so found it really interesting talking about different people’s circumstances. Having said that, I now have considerably more than anyone else; amongst my friends nothing has changed, but some of my family are really resentful.

It’s sad because when I was on the other side of the financial scale I was really pleased for those who were doing well, but I don’t think they like the fact that I’m no longer poor. (FWIW money was earnt, not gifted/ inherited/ won.)