A diagnosis one

[CarGoat]

Ok, I know diagnosis etc.. has been discussed to death on Mumsnet, but ...

Recently I have come to realise that in every single family I know (as in, families I'm friends with or know enough to have been to each others homes, kids have play dates etc...) there is a child with either an established diagnosis of ADHD or Autism, or there is a child undergoing assessment/on wait list for assessment.

The final realisation, (and I guess what prompted this thread) came when the mum of my child's best friend told me he has recently been diagnosed with autism. I have never seen any traits and had no idea. He's a lovely, well behaved kid, has loads of friends, interests, plays computer games with my DC, they hangout together, play games together, chat together,.do sport together. I understand there must be some difficulties his mum has observed which led to diagnosis etc.. it's just, he seems fine!

I then reflected on all DC's other mates and realised just how many either have a diagnosis of autism/ADHD or have siblings with this. My nephew is in the process of assessment for autism. My other nephew is also being considered for ADHD and has assessment coming up.

This is mad.

These children, while they may well meet criteria and I am not doubting that, they just don't seem much different to the average kid in terms of communication and behaviour etc... so all are relatively 'mild' in terms of presentation (i.e. autism is not of a level that's non verbal, the children have good peer relationships etc). I know people will tell me you don't thave levels like 'mild', but I'm not sure how else to explain it - just that the children all 'appear' perfectly fine. They just seem like normal, average, healthy children.

So ...

Is this just a quirk of where I live, in that in my village there just happen to be loads of children with ADHD and Autism, but this is not reflective of wider society?

Or

Is this reflective of wider society? Are the levels of diagnosis of these conditions now this prevalent?

And if the latter - shouldn't we make the criteria for diagnosis harder and just acknowledge that we are all a bit neurodiverse to some extent, and make adjustments to the schooling environment to account for that, rather than having to fund all these individual assessments and locate the problem in all these children?

I just think it's ridiculous to diagnose so so many children and if nearly every family has a family member with a diagnosis then surely the diagnoses are a bit redundant and meaningless?

(I know some people will not like this post, sorry. I am putting on my hard hat)

I have a child with mild ADHD. Getting a diagnosis is important as, without it, teachers have let her drift along and have been accepting of mediocre levels of work from her.

In primary school some of her teachers have got to know her well enough to know that she needs a bit of extra prompting to get going on her work and how to get the best out of her, but others have just found her inattentiveness irritating.

In secondary school, teachers won't get to know her as well, so having some written information about how to get the best out of her is important.

If you met her as a fellow parent, you probably wouldn't think she is neurodiverse. She isn't hyperactive or impulsive. Her attention seems fine in a 1:1 situation or when you're doing something she finds interesting. But that doesn't mean she doesn't have ADHD. That's why we don't ask fellow parents to diagnose neurodiversity.

Are you a newbie or a name changer? This is really goady, has been done to death and the faux innocence doesn’t really wash with many of us.

The useful point to pick out from your post, OP, is that we should make adjustments to the schooling environment to make it work better for neurodivergent kids. Because that would benefit all kids.

Investing in education - smaller class sizes, smaller schools, less exam pressure, better conditions for teachers as a starting point - would probably prevent quite a few ND kids from experiencing the difficulties in school that they often do. And would probably save councils money in the long run.

I'm not getting dragged into discussion about your other points, sorry.

You’re going to get loads of angry responses but I do agree with you in some respects. If there are children doing well educationally and socially, seemingly not ‘held back’ in any way it seems unfair that they are on the same waiting lists, potentially ahead of others who are severely affected by their condition, non-verbal, harmful behaviour etc and unable to attend school without significant support.
Not that any of that is the children or families’ fault or responsibility.

This. Perfect summary.

I'm not a newbie, I've changed my name. But I have long periods of never looking at Mumsnet and relatively newly back to looking often. It's been a few months of not looking. Yes I know it's been discussed to death.

I have noticed that generally in society, there seem to be more people diagnosed, I've heard on the radio etc.. but it's only recently I've noticed how close to home this is. Like, literally every family we know has someone with a diagnosis. This only really hit me when my son's beat friend was diagnosed because he was kind of the last child not to have had a diagnosis,.and now even he does. Just seems like if everyone has a diagnosis, then what's the point in diagnosis.

I totally totally.inderstand that children's needs are not adequately mer at school and that's where diagnosis is helpful. But if nearly every child has a diagnosis, surely not would be easier for schools to change than for every child to have to go down the diagnosis route?

Yes I agree.

I think the education system needs to change because currently I feel children are labelled for not fitting the current education structure, whereas in reality it's normal for children to find the school environment challenging and it is schools that need to adapt, not the kids.

Yawn yawn yawn. Because children with Autism/ADHD are so obviously not fine that does that appear ‘fine’ must not be neurodivergent

But surely if every household has a child with ADHD/autism, then this makes a mockery of the diagnosis? I think the criteria for diagnosis need to be made more difficult and schools should adapt to make sure they can cater better to everyone's needs without families having to go down the assessment route which is lengthy and costly

I do completely understand where you're coming from. If half of children in mainstream end up with a diagnosis it's not really neurodivergent anymore as it's just as much the norm as not having a diagnosis.

From the outside I look really normal. I communicate well and get on with almost anyone. Did well in school etc. I run my household successfully, budget well. I appear a normal mid thirties adult woman.

But when I'm home alone I fall apart. On Thursday my dinner was slightly undercooked and it freaked me out so much I haven't eaten since. I might try and eat later but it's going to involve some panic attacks. When something sets me off I can hold it together just long enough to get home to where I feel safe but then I meltdown.

People with ASD/ADHD are really really good at seeming normal to the outside world. Only my late OH really new the extent of how much I struggle. My own mother only knows bits and bobs of it. My step dad has never seen any of it.

I have 37% send in my class (year 3) they all have a genuine need.
If I’d taught the same class 20 years ago when I first qualified only 2 of them would have been on the SEN register, the others would have been naughty/badly parented.
The children haven’t changed, understanding and diagnosis has.

You don't know what they're like in the home environment.

I'm older and i do agree with you. Its like anxiety and depression. I'm guilty of saying i have anxiety but after reading posts on here i realise i don't really. I'm just a bit of a worrier. Real anxiety and depression stops people in their tracks.

I wonder how many of that 37% would have been in special schools years ago

"The final realisation, (and I guess what prompted this thread) came when the mum of my child's best friend told me he has recently been diagnosed with autism. I have never seen any traits and had no idea."

I remember someone pretty much saying the same thing. Utterly bizarre that people who know me including my sister who has a master's in psychology would disagree with her... But she seemed to disregard the fact it's a spectrum. Fuck knows how she got her job as SENCO

I knew a child with autism and to me he didn't seem different from other children. However, now he is older it is a lot more obvious.

Thanks HangryBear

But can't we just have the understanding of individual difference without labelling almost 40% of children as not normal when in fact, they are very normal given 40% are having difficulty...

Surely diagnosis should be for the extremes (1%)...

If the school system could have the understanding and adapt for individual difference without the need for individual families and children to seek diagnosis this would save time and money, and the children themselves wouldn't see themselves as different

Just because a diagnosis affects a large group of people doesn't mean the diagnosis isn't right.

'Not normal'??

Are you deliberately trying to rile people up here?

The main difference is that neurodivergence is now socially accepted and has provided an explanation for a range of behaviours and learning differences. The child that was once considered precocious, genius at maths, bit of a loner, a perfectionist, has troubles in the friendship group, is highly strung, happy with his nature books and animals, loves collecting things or is just obsessed with trains is now understood as having austistic traits. And many people prefer a medical diagnosis to being considered a bit odd, rude, obsessive or poorly behaved.

As a supply teacher, I go into many different classrooms and have to quickly pick out those children showing neurodivergent traits so that I can adapt my classroom management for them. And there are probably 3 to 5 in every classroom and you spot them by the fidgeting, the inability to stop talking, the slower processing, the inappropriateness of their behaviour - eg just when you have settled everyone to sit and listen, the neurodivergent child starts bombarding you with questions or just talking at you about a very specific topic.

In my own family there are several with an ADHD diagnosis, and I think both my sisters are on the spectrum too. In addition, my DH has self diagnosed himself as autistic, my DD has ADHD, my DS is most likely on the spectum and I am probably neurodivergent in some ways too - so basically, my whole family. And a diagnosis is not necessary, except DD who is medicated, but it does help us understand ourselves and are happier because of it.

I used to think exactly like you .. until my much loved youngest grandson was born and from a very very young age displayed some really concerning behaviours
He is in the middle of the assessment process now and we will do everything we can to be sure he has a safe and happy life but the last 6 years have almost driven my daughter beyond coping
He doesn't sleep
He's violent
He's only allowed to school for 3 hrs a day
His diet is really limited
We have 7 other grandchildren and it's been an absolute eye opener , my heart goes out to anyone going through this and I'm hoping to learn as much as I can to continue to support him
My biggest fear is that no one will like him

Neurodivergent people mask. My son used to do a cracking impersonation of normal for a while but at home (his safe place) was an entirely different story.

masking is exhausting and cones at a price. I can have a day trip and function perfectly well but you can bet that as soon as I get home I’m going to bed to give my poor, overstimulated brain a rest.

I think you are being massively ignorant and unreasonable about how neurodiversity impacts people and how hard it is to get a diagnosis.

If you were my friend and I knew you held these judgemental and incorrect views, you wouldn’t be my friend anymore.

It must be said though that most people who think neurodiverse traits are “fine” as you put it or normal, often think that because they are neurodivergent themselves and see these issues as normal because they are to them.

Children and adults don't usually get a diagnosis unless their condition is having a significant effect on their lives. Even if it's not an effect that their friends' parents have noticed. The child's own parents may already be making a lot of adaptations unnoticed.

Plus children don't get to stay in the school system forever. In school children don't need a diagnosis to "access the curriculum". At least in theory children get whatever support they need regardless of diagnosis. But when they reach adulthood and university or work, no diagnosis = no adjustments and no disability support. And a very long wait for evaluation in the adult system.

“Not normal”?!!
Where did you pluck 1% from?

You are really showing your true colours.