A diagnosis one

[CarGoat]

Ok, I know diagnosis etc.. has been discussed to death on Mumsnet, but ...

Recently I have come to realise that in every single family I know (as in, families I'm friends with or know enough to have been to each others homes, kids have play dates etc...) there is a child with either an established diagnosis of ADHD or Autism, or there is a child undergoing assessment/on wait list for assessment.

The final realisation, (and I guess what prompted this thread) came when the mum of my child's best friend told me he has recently been diagnosed with autism. I have never seen any traits and had no idea. He's a lovely, well behaved kid, has loads of friends, interests, plays computer games with my DC, they hangout together, play games together, chat together,.do sport together. I understand there must be some difficulties his mum has observed which led to diagnosis etc.. it's just, he seems fine!

I then reflected on all DC's other mates and realised just how many either have a diagnosis of autism/ADHD or have siblings with this. My nephew is in the process of assessment for autism. My other nephew is also being considered for ADHD and has assessment coming up.

This is mad.

These children, while they may well meet criteria and I am not doubting that, they just don't seem much different to the average kid in terms of communication and behaviour etc... so all are relatively 'mild' in terms of presentation (i.e. autism is not of a level that's non verbal, the children have good peer relationships etc). I know people will tell me you don't thave levels like 'mild', but I'm not sure how else to explain it - just that the children all 'appear' perfectly fine. They just seem like normal, average, healthy children.

So ...

Is this just a quirk of where I live, in that in my village there just happen to be loads of children with ADHD and Autism, but this is not reflective of wider society?

Or

Is this reflective of wider society? Are the levels of diagnosis of these conditions now this prevalent?

And if the latter - shouldn't we make the criteria for diagnosis harder and just acknowledge that we are all a bit neurodiverse to some extent, and make adjustments to the schooling environment to account for that, rather than having to fund all these individual assessments and locate the problem in all these children?

I just think it's ridiculous to diagnose so so many children and if nearly every family has a family member with a diagnosis then surely the diagnoses are a bit redundant and meaningless?

(I know some people will not like this post, sorry. I am putting on my hard hat)

In what way does my mask slip? I don't really know what you mean. I have already stated I would like to live in a world where individual difference is accommodated and accepted with the need for diagnosis to make adjustments ..

You’re not coming across very reflective.

that PP said “Not every quirk of behaviour and personality requires a label but it seems that’s what people want.”

and your response is that they put it better than you could have.

Thing is OP, DS1 (almost 12) is impeccably behaved, really polite, engaged, academic and flying at secondary school.

In Year 2, he couldn't stop falling off his chair and shouting out/getting up/running around.

He has a dual autism/ADHD diagnosis and is medicated. He does need a diagnosis and he does need his medication, despite his positive presentation.

You only get a snapshot of other people's children/lives.

By saying high functioning you're yet again ignoring the difficulties we have. No different to mild.

If a diagnosis means a young person doesn't commit suicide, self-harm or ended up an addict, then that is a good thing.

I don't agree, my DD2 requires something different to the average child. My DD2 has extra reminders to get on with her work, timers to get her to move on quicker, sits near the teacher and away from friends who might distract her. She has extra prompts for organisation. She also has a level of teacher understanding - that she's not failing to pay attention on purpose. My DD1 has never needed any of that and would find quite a lot of it irritating and patronising. Instead she was often the child who would be seated next to a child who needed fewer distractions.

Would you say this about say, cancer or schizophrenia? That getting a diagnosis needs to be made more difficult? Think about how ignorant and discriminatory that sounds.

There are a number of reasons as to why the rates of diagnosis for autism and ADHD have risen, and it's complex, but to suggest getting a diagnosis needs to be made more difficult is shifting the burden to parents and carers who already have a hard enough time getting educational needs of their neuro divergent children met.

I agree with your point about our education system needing to be more flexible if it really going to be inclusive and meet the needs of all the children it has been mandated to educate, but let's sort that out first, before suggesting the lives of other people need to be deliberately made more difficult.

One thing I don't really get is that a few posters are calling me names, using the f word to describe me and attacking me etc.. but then also implying I am nasty, lack empathy, and lack tolerance. This is done without reflection on their own expressed options towards me and how rude they sound.

It's ok to have a different position on diagnosis. I haven't set out to offend anyone, so not sure the need for my differences to be attacked and my posts to be met with attack

I agree

The words anxiety and depression have a 'normal' as well as a medical meaning and people with non-clinical versions of them don't own the words.

I haven't claimed to be reflective, though I do try

Thanks. Higher support needs and lower support needs is a helpful way to describe. Thanks

Well autism isn’t like that. We have done away with the functioning labels because the The “higher functioning” autistic you have described is also capable of having low functioning traits. Take all of the traits you have just mentioned as if it’s cake mix, but them in a bowl, stir, and pour into individual cases. Top the cupcakes all with different co morbid conditions. Autism can even be a co-morbid condition to Down syndrome. But not everyone with autism will have Down syndrome.
Some cupcakes might have more or less of something. with the right support, a “lower functioning” autistic person could have a resemblance of a functioning life with a job and relationships. Some other autistics don’t need the same level of support because they either already got it or never had the same amount of need

Various people have commented that there's no such thing as "mild". I've used the term mild because that is what has been diagnosed for my DD. A psychiatrist has diagnosed her as having "mild inattentive ADHD". She doesn't need medication, just behavioural interventions and understanding.

But you clearly HAVE offended!!!

I am sorry if I have offended.

It hasn't been my intention. I haven't sworn at any one, shouted using caps lock. These kind of actions are clearly intended to offend or release anger. My post was not intended to do that.

But apologies for any offence I have caused, it wasn't my intention.

Depending on the individuals “cake mix” they may never be able to learn to be independent or manage aspects of their autism. Some can learn to manage. Some may manage some of the aspects, most, and others none.

This. You have no idea what's going on inside a person. Autistic women in particular have been internalising since childhood, this translates into illness as they age. Their body succumbs to autoimmune conditions and mental health conditions. In the past these women were described as 'her nerves have gone'. I'm so interested and fascinated by this mechanism it's become a special interest and if I had the energy, I'd write a book on it.

You may not see autism but I assure you, it's there. From speaking to neurotypical peers, the difference between us is stark yet when I leave the house I seem normal enough. I'm often described as rude though, despite never meaning to be.

One of the reasons these threads get people angry is because they’re usually posted by name changers. On some level, perhaps you did you realise it would cause offence and did not want this tied to your usual posting history…?

It’s not half though- for ADHD, they reckon about 10% of kids are affected. In a class of 30, that’s 3 kids.

statistically speaking, all primary school kids will have at least one neurodivergent friend.

it also looks higher when you look for it. I know lots of neurodiverse kids but then I also know lots of kids who are NT.

I have DS with ADHD. Like PPs experience, he was doing well enough at school, but not reaching his potential. So it got ignored. It’s actually these ‘mild’ cases that are the most tricky- if not picked up, it can lead to a lifetime of underachievement and low self esteem. Why not give teachers the information to be able to get the most out of these kids?

A different position on diagnosis without any medical or social care or intensive personal experience is fairly unhelpful IMO. I work in the field. I still don’t think I am expert on such matters. I wouldn’t make assertions with authority,
Diagnosis does matter to people.

Just to add, 3 kids in a class with ADHD does not mean that all 3 kids will have high support needs. Many will mask and many will not need additional support from school. Some will be very settled on medication.

Your offence is not to me, it's to the vulnerable children whose diagnoses you have pooh-poohed to satisfy some half-baked prejudices of your own. And to their parents who struggle to raise their children successfully - children whose characteristics are indeed at least one standard deviation from the mean and often two or more - in ways that you seem unable to imagine. Including your child's friend, and his parents. I haven't seen you acknowledge that they know something about their own child that you don't. They trusted you with that information only to have you pooh-pooh it online.

You don't need to swear or use allcaps to be offensive.

It's strange you know so many diagnosed children. I don't have any ND children in my extended family and friends, at least so far. So no, the majority of kids are not diagnosed with something.

I have one friend and a brother in law who were diagnosed as adults and the diagnosis has enabled them to put things in place to function better. They are happier as a aresult. Surely not a bad thing?

Yes, maybe that's true on some level. I suppose I have these thoughts about diagnosis, and particularly confusion around so many children I know having diagnoses, especially my sons best friend getting diagnosed. I love all his friends and their parents dearly and I wouldn't have these conversations with them because you r right, I think they would be upset or offended and that truly isn't my intention. I really would do anything for my friends and their children, or for my DCs friends. I guess that's why I'm posting on an anonymous forum, to understand others views and maybe change my perspective a bit, without (I had hoped), actually offending any of the real people involved (but I didn't intend or think this would offend other posters, but should have realised it might have).

I changed my name because I absolutely do not want my friends and sons friends parents to know who I am. As I say, I think v highly of them, care about them and don't want to lose them as friends.