Been thinking alot about this thread and one thing that some people may not realise is the impact of bureaucracy when you're in challenging financial situations.
If you're entitled to state support, depending on the level, you're constantly under the eye of Financial Big Brother, with the constant fear that if you piss him off, even unintentionally, your "income" can be changed or stopped and throw any carefully planned budget into turmoil.
If you're in debt, sorting it out is endlessly seeking help, advice, and trying to achieve a solution that avoids bailiffs. I know this - currently trying to get a DRO myself.
Chances are for alot of people, being in the frugal club might be down to a series of unfortunate events - the first domino that fell for me was my DP dying unexpectedly. I'll hold my hands up and admit our future financial planning had been piss poor, but nobody truly expects sudden death from virtually symptomless cancer. And on here, anyone posting about worrying and planning for such things might be advised to seek therapy for anxiety.
For the first year, I thought I would be able to survive with my retail business, but doing it solo while grieving was too much to cope with. By the end of year 2, when I wound it up, I was in debt because despite the writing being on the wall, people cheerleading me had convinced me it wasn't the fault of Temu etc that was plainly killing my business, it was just my lack of resilience and enthusiasm. I wanted them to be right, and they meant well, but another year further on, I do wonder what I and they were thinking.
It's interesting that a few people have touched on vaguely law of attraction mindsets. I was definitely trying to "fake it till I made it" and it backfired massively. The thing about this sort of concept is that if it's not working, it's perceived as "your own fault" in some way, and that can be pretty damaging to the psyche.
Back to bureaucracy - in the last three years I have had so much to deal with, that inevitably I hit that burnout point where I couldn't face it. Which has lead to a period where things have got worse. I'm coming out of it now, and have acquired a kind of zen / numbness where I just plod on and hope fir the best.
I've got geriatric roulette with 5 balls in active play at the moment - yay for both being only children from broken homes. Today I'm off to support my Dad with admin stuff. Yesterday I went to see MIL (very end stage dementia yet with the apparent resilience of Cher and cockroaches) for whom I hold LPOA in her care home.
Now I'm not trying to garner sympathy, I am actually trying to get to a point. I know, if I want my current situation to change, I need to be proactive. Retrain? Find a new niche ? I'm 55 and hope I've still got some years of use left in me. However. External forces seem to stymie my efforts at every turn. And to accumulate, you have to speculate. If you're on your uppers, that's off the table unless you are willing to sacrifice everything that brings you joy and comfort on the altar of jam tomorrow.
I now know that sometimes today is all we have. I also know that I have to be frugal. I can't keep up with my peer group any more. They are kind and supportive and will buy me drinks or meals, but rightly or wrongly I have my pride.
Being poor in our brave new world isn't just about lack of money, it's about lack if choice, lack of freedom, lack of inclusion.
When I was younger in similarly tight situations I had youth on my side. I could believe that things would improve. I've never been more than relatively stable and briefly comfortable, and sometimes not close to that. Now I feel much more insecure, as I'm not the ideal employee in general terms, even if I could get to a point where I could properly focus on my own future.
Anyway sorry for the ramble. I'm trying to say, I suppose, that while I am grateful in some respects for the basic security I currently have (touches lots of wood) and I'm "lucky" it's just me and my cat, it's really not just about the dhal, at all...... and I truly empathise with those trying to do their best with children to consider - solidarity and strength. I hope things get better soon.