Muddy walk: who IBU

[Ezekiela]

Background: I enjoy walking; DH not so much, he does other sports but not much since an injury some months ago.

TLDR: I think he ruined my day out by delaying our departure, wearing unsuitable shoes and cutting the walk short. He thinks I'm unreasonable for not staying on the broad smooth path that we started on and expecting him to walk on a rocky, muddy path where he might fall and aggravate his injury.

Earlier this week, we had a good weather forecast so I planned to visit a beauty spot an hour's drive away; let's say a woodland with colourful autumn leaves. Asked DH if he wanted to come on a scenic walk (answer is normally no, but I always ask.) He said yes. He asked, is there a path? I said yes, it's a popular place so there will be, but I've never been there before so can't say what it's like and given recent rain, it might be muddy.

He didn't want to set off for two hours because of something time-critical he was doing at home. Then when he was ready, I expressed my surprise that he was wearing trainers, not hiking boots. I again said it might be muddy but he replied "These are the most comfortable" so I left it.

The first part of the walk, from the car park to the woodland was on a wide, mostly flat track (suitable for wheelchairs and buggies.) At the wood itself, the path was narrower and strewn with rocks and boulders. No scrambling needed, just stepping over / around the rocks but, as expected, some areas were a bit muddy so you had to pick your way.

He was clearly unhappy, started dragging behind, said he didn't want to continue. I said "this part is the whole reason I've come here so I'm not turning back now."

At one point the path came close to a road so he said he would walk back on the road round the wood instead of through it. I knew if I stayed in the wood I wouldn't enjoy it because of worrying about him, so I also walked back on the road. Admittedly this was my choice. Then he wanted to go straight back to the car the way we had come, instead of completing the circular walk.

AIBU to feel resentful?

Sounds lovely, let me know time and place

That's a drip feed and a half! Red squirrels change everything

I've got that view on my cellar steps, it's a painting I did when I was about 12, admittedly from a photo. Quite a jolt of recognition to see it in your post.

Probably June to see the puffins on the Farnes, if that suits you?

Dear god. Of course hibu. What a twat. Ooh long walk might be slidey

Pause

Trainers

Ouch.

Dick

@MereDintofPandiculation I've lived here in the region of 20 years and arriving at the brow of the hill that looks that way either on foot, bike or by car is still regularly breathtaking. It's never the same view twice and it never gets old. Also, yes squirrels. LOADS of them.

I feel that was far too long winded. Can you sum it up in a hike u, instead?

Precarious path
Injured husband fears to tread
Not much sympathy

Brilliant haiku hike-u, @nocoolnamesleft

Update:
DH and I have had a proper chat.

I asked if he would like to visit [local nature reserve with wheelchair accessible paths] later this week for an easy walk. He said he would.

I said I hadn't realised how much his injury had affected him psychologically and I will be more mindful of that in future. He opened up a bit about his fears and feelings over it.

I went on to say that if we go to Northumberland next year, I would like us to walk a bit of Hadrian's Wall etc., so how does he feel about doing some easy walks between now and then, to build up his confidence so he can enjoy it - also for fitness, because he's done very little exercise since his injury. He agreed.

Between us, we identified five local places we can visit, two of which we know well, another two I've been and know they are suitable for him, and the fifth neither of us have been but we think it's OK.

I will find the accessible paths quite boring but at least I'll have his company and I can still do some proper walks without him.
I've left my resentment of last week behind me (this thread really helped) and feel positive about the future.

This is a great update OP.

Great update. You’ve both been open.

Just a little nudge to help you see a little more about the end of that post. You say that the easier walks will be quite boring but as he doesn’t like walking so much you should just acknowledge to yourself that he probably wouldn’t be walking Hadrian’s wall, or possibly even doing much of this type of walking in general, if he wasn’t in a relationship with you. He is kinda doing it for you/to be with you. So you are both compromising here. I’m just saying this so maybe it might help you put these walks in a better frame in your head.

Have a wonderful holiday next year!

Looking at the photo I can see why he was worried about spraining his ankle again by walking on that path. I broke my ankle a couple of months ago and before that happened, I would have happily walked along a path like that without giving it a second thought. Knowing what the recovery is like, it will probably be at least a year before I'm brave enough to think about tackling some terrain like that!

@Octopies So you would have been fine on that path before breaking your ankle, but terrified of it now? That's the main thing I have taken away from this thread: that something he would have had no problem with previously is now a big issue for him.

It doesn't explain why he didn't wear his walking boots, though.

Ok, we all get it. You are so much better than lots of other people & to you that's a stroll on an easy path & should be for everyone. Other people are just pathetic.

@Ezekiela

have you asked him why he didn't want to wear hiking boots?

I don't wear them, I find them too uncomfortable (yes tried different one, tried wearing them a lot to 'wear them in' etc etc)

I had my shoulder completely replaced, so theoretically nothing to do with hiking (without overnight gear) I also had BPPV after the accident, my balance isn't great now, I can't correct any minor trips, kicking rocks etc.

i am worried about falling in case it either smashes my other shoulder or damages the 'new one'. It was many weeks of being unable to shower, go anywhere, & feeling generally unwell, many months to get back on my feet, back to work, driving etc. I'm not in a hurry to put myself through that again.

before the accident, I'd have called that a track, not a 'path'. since the accident I'd call that a rough & muddy track.

I'd have to pick my way along that & id need to be in the mood to do it. I'd be annoyed if someone I lived with called it a 'path'

id have happily walked back to the car & spent time on my phone/reading while you carried on doing the walk. I think that's something you need to discuss as well.

building up his confidence is a good idea, but it's not just confidence, accidents happen and having been through it, it's more about avoiding situations where accidents are likely.

i don't think I'm explaining this well, but maybe until you've lived through you can't understand it anyway.

I think something to remember is that after you have experienced injury, pain, limitations, and slow recovery, wanting to avoid the risk of recurrence is actually a pretty normal rational fear. Not necessarily something to overcome.

I used to enjoy trawling through paths through that with my dogs most weekends before my accident without thinking or worrying about it. Usually I wouldn't even bother to take my phone out with me! Now I look at all those bumpy stones and think about how they'd be painful to walk on and I'd worry about tripping over a tree root or something.

I broke my ankle at the end of August and I've found not being able to be as active as I was previously has definitely taken it's toll on me mentally. I'm finding it difficult to pace myself and learn what my limits are. I think I expected I'd be completely fine after 2 months, so I tried to just go about my life as normal once I reached 8 weeks and overdid it.

I'm not sure on the walking boots, I was advised to wear supportive trainers at first. I think I'd struggle to wear walking boots at the moment because I'm still getting some swelling. My break was a simple fracture (didn't need surgery), if your DH had surgery, I imagine the area could be sensitive for many months afterwards.

YANBU to be annoyed. I think I would have been annoyed. However it's probably not worth a major argument and it sounds as if you've both been quite reasonable and constructive in sorting it out, which is great.

Personally I would have continued with the walk and let him go back on his own. It sounds as if you were worried about his feelings rather than his safety, and he chose to go back, so he couldn't really complain if he had to wait for you for a while. If he's the sort of person who would complain anyway, he's the one being unreasonable about that particular aspect of it.

I can understand his concerns on the path in the picture because the uneven stones could possibly make it difficult to keep his balance, especially in trainers. I go trail running and I don't love that sort of path. Hiking boots would have helped even though the injury wasn't feet-related, just because he would have been more stable in them.

If the injury is something that you can get a brace or support for, it might be worth him using one when hiking, just until he feels more confident. A friend of mine broke her wrist last year and, even though it was essentially better, continued to wear a splint on it when running for a while, because she doesn't entirely trust her balance and has fallen over while running occasionally, especially off-road.

Yes they are great at preventing injury, weirdly OP was implying they can cure pre-existing injury.

Where did I say that? You're the only one who said that.

His injury is already healed, so the only thing he's concerned about is not re-injuring it. The hiking boots would have given him a better grip and make him less worried about the mud. The injury wasn't the only issue; he didn't want to splosh through mud in his trainers (not that there was much sploshing needed) so was very slowly picking his way around every little bit of mud.